The DVD remote had broken. That was the only reason folks. Yes I know it was a lifetime vow and I am sorry. I won't do it again. What? Write about it? Yes of course I will write about it. I feel it would be letting people down not to.
So, circumstances conspired to make watching The Brits necessary last night. For those who don't keep up, this is a satirical comedy programme about popular music. It is the industry's shop window of self-congratulation assisted by the children of Sun readers.
First the set. On stage there was a massive posse; a group of dancer/backer/on-hanger people who saved having to pay too much for backdrop. The arena was set out with a clear demarcation between the scrubbed and the unscrubbed. The celebrities, nominees and Simon Cowell sat around tables drinking champers. The hoi polloi were in the tiered seating heading back several miles. The tables were decorated such that an overhead shot appeared to be of a full box of chocolates.
The presenters were that well known duo PJ and Duncan, child actors from Byker Grove who had a hit once and managed to get nominated for a Brit for it. Since then they have made a living out of being professional Geordies Ant and Dec though no-one has any idea, without thinking about it, which one is Donnelly and which McPartlain, which little and which large and which of the two is the funny one. Come to think of it they may have been existing as a comedy duo with two straight men for some years.
From time to time comedians are put on stage to introduce awards. The wise ones (stand up John Bishop) make no attempts at humour but announce the winner, hand over the ugly statuette, and run off with the fee. The unwise (need I tell you this year it was Jimmy Carr again) make jokes about Madge's HRT supplies at which no-one laughs. The sound of thousands of weird people not laughing at once is an awesome one. A sort of silence of the odds. This effect was also used in auto-muting the vocal when Kanye West said something naughty. Since the backing track was not that complex, and the software pulled a bit of the music through the black hole too, and almost all the song was naughty, the effect was amazing. Norman Collier eat your heart out. That is how to do the faulty mic routine.
Hello darkness my old friend.
I drop in to the Brits every ten years or so and always search for the word which describes my reaction. It is like watching an amateur at a country fair having a go at dry-stone walling. Unassisted they would make a wonky edifice with no lasting potential whatsoever but you would be compelled to stop and stare. Come to think of it that is a genius analogy.
I began some time in the 1980s with Sam Fox, Mick Fleetwood and the dodgy autocue.
I revisited for Jarvis Cocker and the Michael Jackson protest.
Given my delight in the best of contemporary music it is always strange to hear nominees for awards of whom I have never heard, my home, car and life being Radio 1 free zones.
I usually wonder which audience elimination programme they won. Sam Smith. Sorry mate but who are you?
George Ezra sang his song.
The interviews involve telling people what a great year they've had, a statement with which they agree. 'It's been mad'. Then asking them how drunk they intend to get at the after-show party which is a great witness to the children of Sun readers.
The headline - Oh My God it's only Madonna - sang a song so dreadfully forgettable that after a few bars one of the backing singers grabbed her by the cloak and pulled her off stage. He failed to follow up with the Vulcan death grip or a blow to the head with an empty champers bottle so she got up and carried on.
This, in a world of warfare, political machinations and fascinating debates about the future of democracy, was the third item on ITV's self-generating news programme which followed.
I am going to buy some more batteries for the DVD remote today.
Tomorrow - the Kardashian bottom debate (cont'd)
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
More Teaching Vicar
Some time ago, maybe here, maybe somewhere else, I received an email bemoaning that the church was under satanic attack. A list of examples was given of things that, if I were a gambling man, I would have put money on happening in any group of people the size of that particular church.
If the petty squabbles, relationship difficulties and people-behaving-badly stuff listed was a sign of the devil at work I wondered, in replying, who was in charge of the attack where (insert name of nation) was being (insert name of disaster). I did it more tactfully than that, I like to think, but in essence offered the suggestion that the email writer should calm down a bit and get some perspective.
It was what happened next that I loved. I got a further reply suggesting that the church needed more teaching on this.
That's right. The response to me, the pastor, offering teaching, was to say we needed more teaching. When actually the person wanted more teaching that accorded with their own views.
We live in a world where people are told they haven't listened if they are not going to do what the complainant wants. People who insist they need closure simply want to write a happier ending than the one currently on offer. And teaching not to the pupil's taste is deemed inadequate.
That's me finished moaning for a bit. Will write lighter stuff over next few days holiday. Probs.
If the petty squabbles, relationship difficulties and people-behaving-badly stuff listed was a sign of the devil at work I wondered, in replying, who was in charge of the attack where (insert name of nation) was being (insert name of disaster). I did it more tactfully than that, I like to think, but in essence offered the suggestion that the email writer should calm down a bit and get some perspective.
It was what happened next that I loved. I got a further reply suggesting that the church needed more teaching on this.
That's right. The response to me, the pastor, offering teaching, was to say we needed more teaching. When actually the person wanted more teaching that accorded with their own views.
We live in a world where people are told they haven't listened if they are not going to do what the complainant wants. People who insist they need closure simply want to write a happier ending than the one currently on offer. And teaching not to the pupil's taste is deemed inadequate.
That's me finished moaning for a bit. Will write lighter stuff over next few days holiday. Probs.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Chelsea 2 Leeds 1
Took the funerals of two enthusiastic football fans this week. On Monday Kev was sent off in his Chelsea kit. On Wednesday Malcolm, a fervent Leeds United supporter, took his leave.
Juxtaposing these two events this morning my mind went back to the 1970 FA Cup Final replay. I watched it with my Dad on a black and white TV. I had started watching the Cup Final on tele in 1964 and have watched almost all of them since. My memory of those first few is still pretty clear though.
In the Leeds Chelsea match Bobby Charlton was a studio guest and at half-time was discussing Leeds' goal scored by Mick Jones. Now Mick was what you might call an old-fashioned centre forward. Good in the air, led the line well and headed for goal in as straight a line as possible. My memory of his dribbling skill is that he simply went into a series of fifty-fifty tackles and won them until one-on-one with the goalkeeper. I may be doing him a disservice since I can remember one great run and cross in a later cup final. But I think he broke his arm in the same match.
Still, in 1970, he had hustled and bustled past several defenders and scored. Charlton said, 'He should have been fouled'.
Watching the footage of that match back it is clear that you would not have picked up a booking if you had slipped a flick-knife out of your sock and and severed an opponent's hamstring. It is also obvious that this would have only been a minor inconvenience to said defender who would have been back on the pitch stretching after a couple of wipes with an icy sponge had distracted him while the trainer tied a knot in it. The winning goal involved David Webb of Chelsea shouldering the ball and several other players into the net after a near-post flick on.
But at Charlton's comment my Dad let out a harrumph. He could harrumph for England, my Dad. He was also, by and large, a rugby man who thought football was inferior (but bless, he never told me that to my face and accompanied me to many matches).
A bit of the world changed then. If Bobby Charlton said an opponent should have been fouled... Gentleman Bobby, a footballer everybody, even rugby men, respected, had advocated cheating. Dad met my future father-in-law Ken in 1973 and he returned my Dad to rugby. Together they won the 1970s world harrumphing championships when Leicester beat Moseley at Twickenham with a late push-over try.
Forty-five years on the deliberate foul is part of the everyday game, cheating players take advantage of this and it is clearly all Bobby Charlton's fault.
RIP Malcolm and Kev. Thanks for the memory.
Juxtaposing these two events this morning my mind went back to the 1970 FA Cup Final replay. I watched it with my Dad on a black and white TV. I had started watching the Cup Final on tele in 1964 and have watched almost all of them since. My memory of those first few is still pretty clear though.
In the Leeds Chelsea match Bobby Charlton was a studio guest and at half-time was discussing Leeds' goal scored by Mick Jones. Now Mick was what you might call an old-fashioned centre forward. Good in the air, led the line well and headed for goal in as straight a line as possible. My memory of his dribbling skill is that he simply went into a series of fifty-fifty tackles and won them until one-on-one with the goalkeeper. I may be doing him a disservice since I can remember one great run and cross in a later cup final. But I think he broke his arm in the same match.
Still, in 1970, he had hustled and bustled past several defenders and scored. Charlton said, 'He should have been fouled'.
Watching the footage of that match back it is clear that you would not have picked up a booking if you had slipped a flick-knife out of your sock and and severed an opponent's hamstring. It is also obvious that this would have only been a minor inconvenience to said defender who would have been back on the pitch stretching after a couple of wipes with an icy sponge had distracted him while the trainer tied a knot in it. The winning goal involved David Webb of Chelsea shouldering the ball and several other players into the net after a near-post flick on.
But at Charlton's comment my Dad let out a harrumph. He could harrumph for England, my Dad. He was also, by and large, a rugby man who thought football was inferior (but bless, he never told me that to my face and accompanied me to many matches).
A bit of the world changed then. If Bobby Charlton said an opponent should have been fouled... Gentleman Bobby, a footballer everybody, even rugby men, respected, had advocated cheating. Dad met my future father-in-law Ken in 1973 and he returned my Dad to rugby. Together they won the 1970s world harrumphing championships when Leicester beat Moseley at Twickenham with a late push-over try.
Forty-five years on the deliberate foul is part of the everyday game, cheating players take advantage of this and it is clearly all Bobby Charlton's fault.
RIP Malcolm and Kev. Thanks for the memory.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Confirmation
Incredibly moving, encouraging and amusing night Sunday night as I got to be guest, without responsibility, at the confirmation of the oldest member of our small group, a sprightly 80 something who came to faith through an Alpha course we ran a few years ago.
She was terribly nervous. Bless. As the Bishop of Taunton entered Holy Trinity, Nailsea she led the candidates in behind him. 'Just follow the bishop' someone had obviously said to her. So she walked one foot behind him like in a Madness video. When he reached his chair he stopped and turned only to have Beryl six inches from him. Grandmother's footsteps. The bishop loses. Beryl did the only thing she could do in the circumstances (what can I give him?) and handed him her large-print service order. The chaplain gave it politely back.
It became apparent that no words of rehearsal had stuck with Beryl. She was happy to be being confirmed and her minder, Linda, shepherded her around perfectly for the rest of the service. 'We need more Beryls' said the Bishop to me later. He is right. She grasps little of the complexities of the faith into which she is being confirmed. She likes being loved and included and this is one of our values in the Nailsea pioneer community. There's a party going on. Join in.
Mrs T said she wanted to talk to the bishop. She had that determined look with which I have learned not to argue. I took her over to meet him and she kissed him and said 'Thank you for 'getting' my husband.'
I pointed out that it was obvious I was punching above my weight. 'You always do' he said. Because he gets me and that unexpected, well-worded complement was just perfect. Thanks Bish.
She was terribly nervous. Bless. As the Bishop of Taunton entered Holy Trinity, Nailsea she led the candidates in behind him. 'Just follow the bishop' someone had obviously said to her. So she walked one foot behind him like in a Madness video. When he reached his chair he stopped and turned only to have Beryl six inches from him. Grandmother's footsteps. The bishop loses. Beryl did the only thing she could do in the circumstances (what can I give him?) and handed him her large-print service order. The chaplain gave it politely back.
It became apparent that no words of rehearsal had stuck with Beryl. She was happy to be being confirmed and her minder, Linda, shepherded her around perfectly for the rest of the service. 'We need more Beryls' said the Bishop to me later. He is right. She grasps little of the complexities of the faith into which she is being confirmed. She likes being loved and included and this is one of our values in the Nailsea pioneer community. There's a party going on. Join in.
Mrs T said she wanted to talk to the bishop. She had that determined look with which I have learned not to argue. I took her over to meet him and she kissed him and said 'Thank you for 'getting' my husband.'
I pointed out that it was obvious I was punching above my weight. 'You always do' he said. Because he gets me and that unexpected, well-worded complement was just perfect. Thanks Bish.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Thought for the Day
Thought for the day as delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning following the announcement that in Durham breathalysing students is being considered, for their own safety:
How protected do you want to be? Freedom to do something daft which may cost you your life. Or a nanny state with kid gloves and cotton wool.
What steps should we take to stop young people hurting themselves after a night's drinking?
Ban alcohol.
Ban universities.
Two stupid extremes. But they help us place ourselves in the sensible middle, balancing over-reaction with turning a blind-eye.
The Bible begins with this. A universal story that goes back to human origins. A garden with only one rule. One dodgy tree. One forbidden fruit. Everything else - fine.
It is a story of there being certain limits on freedom. To save ourselves from hurting other people for sure. That is why we can no longer smoke where it might make the innocent unwell.
But also to save us from ourselves. You take too big a risk getting behind the wheel of a car if you are intoxicated. Too big a risk with the lives of others and your own life.
So why not go one step further and only allow the sober near dangerous rivers? Breathalyse the students before allowing them to walk home by the water.
That Bible story is the account of why, once one rule is broken, more rules need to be introduced. The first people, thrown out of Eden eventually need judges to settle disputes, kings to rule and page upon page of laws of which the ten commandments are but a summary and today we have more rules about vegetables than the Bible had about violence.
We only need one rule. Use your common sense. Trouble is, it is so uncommon that what it means to be sensible needs to be clarified from time to time.
How protected do you want to be? Freedom to do something daft which may cost you your life. Or a nanny state with kid gloves and cotton wool.
What steps should we take to stop young people hurting themselves after a night's drinking?
Ban alcohol.
Ban universities.
Two stupid extremes. But they help us place ourselves in the sensible middle, balancing over-reaction with turning a blind-eye.
The Bible begins with this. A universal story that goes back to human origins. A garden with only one rule. One dodgy tree. One forbidden fruit. Everything else - fine.
It is a story of there being certain limits on freedom. To save ourselves from hurting other people for sure. That is why we can no longer smoke where it might make the innocent unwell.
But also to save us from ourselves. You take too big a risk getting behind the wheel of a car if you are intoxicated. Too big a risk with the lives of others and your own life.
So why not go one step further and only allow the sober near dangerous rivers? Breathalyse the students before allowing them to walk home by the water.
That Bible story is the account of why, once one rule is broken, more rules need to be introduced. The first people, thrown out of Eden eventually need judges to settle disputes, kings to rule and page upon page of laws of which the ten commandments are but a summary and today we have more rules about vegetables than the Bible had about violence.
We only need one rule. Use your common sense. Trouble is, it is so uncommon that what it means to be sensible needs to be clarified from time to time.
How long has this been going on?
Do you have any idea how long you speak for? Not from the pulpit if you have such an edifice, really or metaphorically, but in meetings and discussions. Most people who love the sound of their own voice underestimate, when asked to guess, how long they speak for. I know one person who always contributes to meetings in five minute chunks. The idea of getting a one sentence intervention out of him (it is a him) is cloud cuckoo land.Next time you have a meeting ask someone to time the length of the contributions. It may surprise people. Or you?
You may have to introduce a guest for some reason in order for this to happen and, it goes without saying but I will say it anyway, that if you tell people why the guest is there it will change behaviour.
Thursday, February 05, 2015
How Many Trees?
I wonder if you have ever noticed the awkwardness presented in Genesis 1-3 about the number of trees in the garden. Let me work through them, reference by reference:
In Genesis 1 everything is straight-forward (in a literary way). God creates vegetation, including trees, on day three (1:11).
There are two separate accounts of creation and in Genesis 2 we have a more human story. There is a garden and in the centre of it are two trees. One is the tree of life and one the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (2:9).
God tells the man he must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (2:17). The woman has not yet been created.
At the beginning of Genesis 3 a serpent pitches up and asks Eve (now in existence) what the rules are. She refers to the one tree in the middle of the garden and explains that it cannot even be touched or she will die (3:3). She doesn't name the tree.
After a bit of intrigue in which the serpent offers a convincing argument (to Eve) she eats and shares the fruit with her husband. Note, it is not an apple.
In 3:11 God asks the man (he addresses Adam) if he has eaten from the tree he was told not to eat from. He blames the woman, she blames the serpent.
Before chucking them out of the garden for good God says (to himself?) that he must do this in case the couple eat from the tree of life also and live forever (3:22).
Many ancient creation legends have a tree of life. As far as I know only the Hebrew/Christian one has a second tree. And even the author/editor of the story seems a little unclear about how it all fits together. Life, death and knowledge. Inter-connected but complex. Nice little allegory.
In Genesis 1 everything is straight-forward (in a literary way). God creates vegetation, including trees, on day three (1:11).
There are two separate accounts of creation and in Genesis 2 we have a more human story. There is a garden and in the centre of it are two trees. One is the tree of life and one the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (2:9).
God tells the man he must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (2:17). The woman has not yet been created.
At the beginning of Genesis 3 a serpent pitches up and asks Eve (now in existence) what the rules are. She refers to the one tree in the middle of the garden and explains that it cannot even be touched or she will die (3:3). She doesn't name the tree.
After a bit of intrigue in which the serpent offers a convincing argument (to Eve) she eats and shares the fruit with her husband. Note, it is not an apple.
In 3:11 God asks the man (he addresses Adam) if he has eaten from the tree he was told not to eat from. He blames the woman, she blames the serpent.
Before chucking them out of the garden for good God says (to himself?) that he must do this in case the couple eat from the tree of life also and live forever (3:22).
Many ancient creation legends have a tree of life. As far as I know only the Hebrew/Christian one has a second tree. And even the author/editor of the story seems a little unclear about how it all fits together. Life, death and knowledge. Inter-connected but complex. Nice little allegory.
Thought for the Day
'It wasn't what you said it was the way you said it.' Ever been on the receiving end of that bit of pocket wisdom?
I am reading a fabulous little book by Mark Forsyth called 'The Elements of Eloquence'.
It was given to me by a friend who always sends copies of her favourite book each year to five people she thinks will enjoy it. Lovely thing to do.
In the book, sub-titled 'How to Turn the Perfect English Phrase' we are introduced to the proper names for all the different ways of speaking.
Please, please me sang the Beatles, possibly unaware they were using polyptoton.
Why do you have flip-flops and not flop-flips? Why do bells go ding-dong not dong-ding? Because English has a feel for the correct order of words. If you break it; that's called hyperbaton. Used by Yoda in Star Wars, it was.
And why say 'everybody' when you can say 'ladies and gentlemen'. That's a merism.
So, whether you are complaining about a football result, a supermarket or the weather (that was a tricolon by the way), it will make a difference how you say it.
When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put childish ways behind me.
St Paul had a way with words. Epistrophe, in fact. But it helped him tell his Christian audience to act more maturely. They might not have listened otherwise.
If we have an axe to grind we might make progress if we get our language sharper too. It's what you say and how you say it.
I am reading a fabulous little book by Mark Forsyth called 'The Elements of Eloquence'.
It was given to me by a friend who always sends copies of her favourite book each year to five people she thinks will enjoy it. Lovely thing to do.
In the book, sub-titled 'How to Turn the Perfect English Phrase' we are introduced to the proper names for all the different ways of speaking.
Please, please me sang the Beatles, possibly unaware they were using polyptoton.
Why do you have flip-flops and not flop-flips? Why do bells go ding-dong not dong-ding? Because English has a feel for the correct order of words. If you break it; that's called hyperbaton. Used by Yoda in Star Wars, it was.
And why say 'everybody' when you can say 'ladies and gentlemen'. That's a merism.
So, whether you are complaining about a football result, a supermarket or the weather (that was a tricolon by the way), it will make a difference how you say it.
When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put childish ways behind me.
St Paul had a way with words. Epistrophe, in fact. But it helped him tell his Christian audience to act more maturely. They might not have listened otherwise.
If we have an axe to grind we might make progress if we get our language sharper too. It's what you say and how you say it.
Sunday, February 01, 2015
Don't Panic
From time to time I take the early communion at a particular neighbouring church. Over the years I have learned a number of things.
Often, on arrival, some people will be going crazy about something not very important (to me). Although I have to keep my wits about me because equally often something very important (to me) will not have been attended to.
Today I arrived fifteen minutes before the start. I find that if I arrive any earlier then I am somehow implicated in the things that have gone wrong.
I was greeted by the sound of a Church Warden on the phone, frustrated because nobody was answering. At the end of the call I was told the power wasn't working and perhaps a fuse had gone. This meant the PA was not able to be used. I noted that all the lights were on and walked slowly to the vestry to put my robes down. As I walked up the aisle I spotted that there was no president's Common Worship book on the communion table.
I have made it my business not to mirror the panic coming my way in this place and never to be distracted from my immediate task. Having reached the vestry and hung my robes I returned to the PA desk, walking deliberately slowly. It was demonstrated to me that the on/off switch was failing to make the little red lights come on. I followed the mains lead out of the back of the cabinet to the wall socket and switched on the power. Little red lights came on. Two comments were heard:
'That switch is not meant to be turned off.'
'I didn't know that switch existed; I've never seen it before.'
I waited until the last minute before enquiring if there was a communion president's copy for me to use. There was. 'I knew I'd forgotten something.'
The number of people requiring communion was over-stated by two. Counting to twenty-three is not that hard.
After the service the money-counters were trying to find a working pen in a drawer full of non-functional ones. My suggestion that the non-functional ones be not returned to the drawer was greeted with fascination at its ingenuity, yet caution at its workability without permission. I noted that when I placed last week's notice sheet from my stall in the vestry recycling box it was later examined by someone else to make sure I had not disposed of anything important. Perhaps all notice sheets are photocopied before recycling.
My line:
Pens, pens everywhere
Yet not a drop of ink...
Caused no mirth whatsoever.
On leaving I met the man who had been the recipient of the 8.15 'phone call. I do not think it was a new experience for him to be awoken with an enquiry about the PA.
I love this church.
Often, on arrival, some people will be going crazy about something not very important (to me). Although I have to keep my wits about me because equally often something very important (to me) will not have been attended to.
Today I arrived fifteen minutes before the start. I find that if I arrive any earlier then I am somehow implicated in the things that have gone wrong.
I was greeted by the sound of a Church Warden on the phone, frustrated because nobody was answering. At the end of the call I was told the power wasn't working and perhaps a fuse had gone. This meant the PA was not able to be used. I noted that all the lights were on and walked slowly to the vestry to put my robes down. As I walked up the aisle I spotted that there was no president's Common Worship book on the communion table.
I have made it my business not to mirror the panic coming my way in this place and never to be distracted from my immediate task. Having reached the vestry and hung my robes I returned to the PA desk, walking deliberately slowly. It was demonstrated to me that the on/off switch was failing to make the little red lights come on. I followed the mains lead out of the back of the cabinet to the wall socket and switched on the power. Little red lights came on. Two comments were heard:
'That switch is not meant to be turned off.'
'I didn't know that switch existed; I've never seen it before.'
I waited until the last minute before enquiring if there was a communion president's copy for me to use. There was. 'I knew I'd forgotten something.'
The number of people requiring communion was over-stated by two. Counting to twenty-three is not that hard.
After the service the money-counters were trying to find a working pen in a drawer full of non-functional ones. My suggestion that the non-functional ones be not returned to the drawer was greeted with fascination at its ingenuity, yet caution at its workability without permission. I noted that when I placed last week's notice sheet from my stall in the vestry recycling box it was later examined by someone else to make sure I had not disposed of anything important. Perhaps all notice sheets are photocopied before recycling.
My line:
Pens, pens everywhere
Yet not a drop of ink...
Caused no mirth whatsoever.
On leaving I met the man who had been the recipient of the 8.15 'phone call. I do not think it was a new experience for him to be awoken with an enquiry about the PA.
I love this church.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Raindrops on Roses?
I don't really see the world in terms of favourites. I was in a group setting recently where we were taking it in turns to share our favourite song and favourite Bible passage. Rabbit in the car headlights time.
I make a list of my desert island discs but it changes regularly. I like lists. But making the final decision as to which one record I would take. Hard.
Many of my colleagues were making their decisions on the basis of emotional or sentimental attachments - memories. Lots of my memories are attached to bad music so that's not on the list.
I've just got back from my Mum's, a woman who wouldn't throw away an envelope if it had a dead person's writing on it. I don't mean she gets mail from the dead; just that she keeps mail a long time.
Reasons to be cheerful - I can do that and posted about 200 a few months back. But choosing one. Ridiculous.
Today I was particularly cheered by a bacon double cheeseburger and fries. But I could manage without ever eating another one.
You don't have to have a favourite everything, or indeed anything. And sentimental attachments to things? You'll live out your old age surrounded by crap. If in doubt; chuck it out (which strangely, was the motto of the insurance claims department I used to work for).
Now, where did I put my lucky handkerchief?
I make a list of my desert island discs but it changes regularly. I like lists. But making the final decision as to which one record I would take. Hard.
Many of my colleagues were making their decisions on the basis of emotional or sentimental attachments - memories. Lots of my memories are attached to bad music so that's not on the list.
I've just got back from my Mum's, a woman who wouldn't throw away an envelope if it had a dead person's writing on it. I don't mean she gets mail from the dead; just that she keeps mail a long time.
Reasons to be cheerful - I can do that and posted about 200 a few months back. But choosing one. Ridiculous.
Today I was particularly cheered by a bacon double cheeseburger and fries. But I could manage without ever eating another one.
You don't have to have a favourite everything, or indeed anything. And sentimental attachments to things? You'll live out your old age surrounded by crap. If in doubt; chuck it out (which strangely, was the motto of the insurance claims department I used to work for).
Now, where did I put my lucky handkerchief?
Thought for the Day
As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning:
Tonight I am very much looking forward to the annual dinner of the Nailsea Mountain Rescue Team. What's that you say? There are no mountains in Nailsea? Quite so. But if any should appear we will be one of the few low-level towns in the south-west that is prepared.
I suspect you smell a rat. And you would be right to do so. It is a spoof organisation consisting of a bunch of people who like a bit of a drink and then to walk off the calories. It's a joke, made all the funnier by the absolutely straight-faced way the members explain what they are doing.
Last summer, on one walk back, the team discovered a couple in the middle of a field who looked in need of rescue. Closer inspection revealed that their horizontal position was intentional and the presence of the team undesirable. Oops.
We all need a bit of fun. Even Shakespeare's greatest tragedy King Lear has a fool in it to remind the king he is flawed. Writing to the Corinthian Christians St Paul adopts the style of a fool and boasts of his weaknesses. The jester reminds us we are all human and full of frailty.
We can get a bit over-serious about bad news. Tourist offices closing. Medical money misused. School league tables drawing attention to failure. All doomed.
So tonight, as the coxswain of the Backwell Lifeboat joins us as our special guest I will take my chaplaincy duties responsibly and then enjoy the company of a bunch of folk who, from time to time, don't take life too seriously, and make sure they have climbed every mountain in Nailsea. Please don't call me early on Saturday morning.
Tonight I am very much looking forward to the annual dinner of the Nailsea Mountain Rescue Team. What's that you say? There are no mountains in Nailsea? Quite so. But if any should appear we will be one of the few low-level towns in the south-west that is prepared.
I suspect you smell a rat. And you would be right to do so. It is a spoof organisation consisting of a bunch of people who like a bit of a drink and then to walk off the calories. It's a joke, made all the funnier by the absolutely straight-faced way the members explain what they are doing.
Last summer, on one walk back, the team discovered a couple in the middle of a field who looked in need of rescue. Closer inspection revealed that their horizontal position was intentional and the presence of the team undesirable. Oops.
We all need a bit of fun. Even Shakespeare's greatest tragedy King Lear has a fool in it to remind the king he is flawed. Writing to the Corinthian Christians St Paul adopts the style of a fool and boasts of his weaknesses. The jester reminds us we are all human and full of frailty.
We can get a bit over-serious about bad news. Tourist offices closing. Medical money misused. School league tables drawing attention to failure. All doomed.
So tonight, as the coxswain of the Backwell Lifeboat joins us as our special guest I will take my chaplaincy duties responsibly and then enjoy the company of a bunch of folk who, from time to time, don't take life too seriously, and make sure they have climbed every mountain in Nailsea. Please don't call me early on Saturday morning.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Poetry Challenge
Last night' s Cafe Create poetry challenge was to write a poem about silence featuring the words:
Wind
Water polo
Alternate
Beagle two
Castanet
Psycho therapy
I woke up, couldn't hear the wind
My ears had sinned
All input binned
Tinnitus - tinned
The sound is slaughtered
Over-watered
Decibels quartered
Ear-holes mortared
It is a no no
If you go low
You should say woah
Under-water polo
I tried to see
If there might be
Another key
A noise to set my panic fee
The taps flow rate
A soundless date
The shower sedate
Maybe I could alternate
Turned on the news
But missed all cues
Unshared views
No Humphrys bruise
I think the noise
Often annoys
Ruins my poise
But I didn't want to lose its joys
Now I get
A dreadful threat
No rhythm set
A silent castanet
So let's see
What becomes of me?
Psycho-therapy
Can't raise the fee
Farewell laughter my old friend
I think you got me in the end
The prophets subway walls just send
Me round the bend
What's a guy supposed to do?
It feels like glue
My ears are through
There's more response from Beagle 2
Wind
Water polo
Alternate
Beagle two
Castanet
Psycho therapy
I woke up, couldn't hear the wind
My ears had sinned
All input binned
Tinnitus - tinned
The sound is slaughtered
Over-watered
Decibels quartered
Ear-holes mortared
It is a no no
If you go low
You should say woah
Under-water polo
I tried to see
If there might be
Another key
A noise to set my panic fee
The taps flow rate
A soundless date
The shower sedate
Maybe I could alternate
Turned on the news
But missed all cues
Unshared views
No Humphrys bruise
I think the noise
Often annoys
Ruins my poise
But I didn't want to lose its joys
Now I get
A dreadful threat
No rhythm set
A silent castanet
So let's see
What becomes of me?
Psycho-therapy
Can't raise the fee
Farewell laughter my old friend
I think you got me in the end
The prophets subway walls just send
Me round the bend
What's a guy supposed to do?
It feels like glue
My ears are through
There's more response from Beagle 2
Change?
Four groups:
Traditionalists support change as soon as it has been repeated twice and become a tradition.
Hesitants support change when most people support the change.
Early adopters support change as soon as they see the benefit or potential.
Mavericks support change.
Where do you put yourself?
Where should a leader put themselves?
Traditionalists support change as soon as it has been repeated twice and become a tradition.
Hesitants support change when most people support the change.
Early adopters support change as soon as they see the benefit or potential.
Mavericks support change.
Where do you put yourself?
Where should a leader put themselves?
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Thought for the Day
As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning:
I was chatting to a group of young adults about what they call 'the old days' and I call my past.
They couldn't grasp how I used to meet up with friends without a mobile phone. 'Well' I said in a patronising, fatherlike voice I save for such occasions, 'Each time we meet, before we leave, we fix the time and place of the next gathering and then go there at that time.'
They all looked gobsmacked. How awkward. What if you are late? They could agree to meet in Dundee on Saturday, tweak the arrangements right up to the last moment and agree a precise meeting place once there. It's a luxury.
I showed them a picture of the first office I ever worked in. A busy insurance company. On each desk just a phone and a load of files. No computers, yet.
If I was to have a word now with my twenty year old self the array of communication devices in this studio would be utterly baffling as Twitter feeds, autocues, Facebook updates, texts, calls and live material are seamlessly linked. Well, usually.
The young me understood bullying, had even suffered a bit of it, but would not have a clue what I was talking about if I mentioned cyber-bullying.
We can end up thinking that this is a very 21st century problem needing a very 21st century solution. It isn't and doesn't. All it needs is the age-old rule to treat others the way you would like to be treated yourself. So old, it's in the Bible.
Online is just another place where people hang out. The good and the evil. There, as anywhere else, people should be respected not bullied.
I was chatting to a group of young adults about what they call 'the old days' and I call my past.
They couldn't grasp how I used to meet up with friends without a mobile phone. 'Well' I said in a patronising, fatherlike voice I save for such occasions, 'Each time we meet, before we leave, we fix the time and place of the next gathering and then go there at that time.'
They all looked gobsmacked. How awkward. What if you are late? They could agree to meet in Dundee on Saturday, tweak the arrangements right up to the last moment and agree a precise meeting place once there. It's a luxury.
I showed them a picture of the first office I ever worked in. A busy insurance company. On each desk just a phone and a load of files. No computers, yet.
If I was to have a word now with my twenty year old self the array of communication devices in this studio would be utterly baffling as Twitter feeds, autocues, Facebook updates, texts, calls and live material are seamlessly linked. Well, usually.
The young me understood bullying, had even suffered a bit of it, but would not have a clue what I was talking about if I mentioned cyber-bullying.
We can end up thinking that this is a very 21st century problem needing a very 21st century solution. It isn't and doesn't. All it needs is the age-old rule to treat others the way you would like to be treated yourself. So old, it's in the Bible.
Online is just another place where people hang out. The good and the evil. There, as anywhere else, people should be respected not bullied.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Short Term 12
This is a lovely little film directed and written by Destin Cretton (new to me) from the autumn of 2013.
It is set in a centre / care home for troubled children and young people. None of the cast were particularly familiar to me.
As Nate is introduced to his new co-workers over the opening credits we are led to suspect this will be about a fish-out-of-water posh kid learning to understand deprivation for the first time. In fact Nate isn't the star of the show; the whole cast is.
We visit a team of caring care-workers - sometimes working with the therapists who offer more directed interventions into the young lives and sometimes kicking against them - and we observe day-to-day interactions. We are left to marvel at the patience shown by thousands of such employees around the world day-by-day. This film is a counter to the bad stories about abuse in such establishments.
Sometimes a barrier is broken by shared artwork; sometimes by rhythm and rap. It is about being incarnational and looking for connections.
That said, all is not well. Even the carers have their demons and through gentle dialogue and a number of scenes where 'show' is used much better than 'tell' we learn more.
This is a tough place to work, a tough place to grow up and yet, because the problems are real, the redemption, when it comes, is too. So a troubled young girl can help a worker, who has buried her own past, to deal with it.
The book-ending of two, almost identical, scenes is a lovely framing device to start and finish. That they mean different things is all to do with context.
Great performances. Only 96 minutes of your life needed and I rented my copy from Amazon for 99p. Best use of money this year.
It is set in a centre / care home for troubled children and young people. None of the cast were particularly familiar to me.
As Nate is introduced to his new co-workers over the opening credits we are led to suspect this will be about a fish-out-of-water posh kid learning to understand deprivation for the first time. In fact Nate isn't the star of the show; the whole cast is.
We visit a team of caring care-workers - sometimes working with the therapists who offer more directed interventions into the young lives and sometimes kicking against them - and we observe day-to-day interactions. We are left to marvel at the patience shown by thousands of such employees around the world day-by-day. This film is a counter to the bad stories about abuse in such establishments.
Sometimes a barrier is broken by shared artwork; sometimes by rhythm and rap. It is about being incarnational and looking for connections.
That said, all is not well. Even the carers have their demons and through gentle dialogue and a number of scenes where 'show' is used much better than 'tell' we learn more.
This is a tough place to work, a tough place to grow up and yet, because the problems are real, the redemption, when it comes, is too. So a troubled young girl can help a worker, who has buried her own past, to deal with it.
The book-ending of two, almost identical, scenes is a lovely framing device to start and finish. That they mean different things is all to do with context.
Great performances. Only 96 minutes of your life needed and I rented my copy from Amazon for 99p. Best use of money this year.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
If everyone is good, good is average
My fascination with statistics has developed over the years. Possibly because I am a bit nerdy; maybe because as an intuitive by nature I need to remind myself constantly that statistics are counter-intuitive and need to be studied to reveal their secrets. As I am fond of saying, a mugging victim will find it hard to believe that crime is down in the moments after the attack.
I read another example of this in the excellent 'Thinking Fast and Slow' by Daniel Kahneman this week, discovering the delights of 'regression to the mean'.
Which is better? Shouting at the poor performers or praising the good?
Time's up.
What is your gut reaction? Probably that there is a place for both stick and carrot.
Now let me tell you more. In an organisation where everyone is on top of their game - say it is sales - give or take, most of the team members sell 100 units a week, most of the time. One week a sales rep shifts only 23. You are the team leader and you have that person in your office and give them a dressing down. They can offer no explanation for their poor sales and so you assume they didn't try hard enough, missed some leads or allowed private affairs to get on top of them. After a stern talking to and threat of disciplinary action, you send them packing.
Next week they come in with 105. You pat yourself on the back for your management skills.
Another week a second member of the team pitches in with 342 units. You invite them to your office, praise them, give them a bonus and a 'sales-person of the week' award and an afternoon off.
Next week they come in with 95.
Which is better? Shouting at the poor performers or praising the good?
Time's up.
Obviously the counter-intuitive conclusion from these results is that shouting works but praise doesn't.
Wrong.
Your intuition was right at the beginning.
You see, all things being equal, from time to timely average performers will produce above average results and below average results. They average out. Rarely, but occasionally, very bad and very good results will crop up. Remember that in this organisation everyone is on top of their game. I told you that. So circumstances will conspire to have an occasional customer who wants to buy loads of your product as a one-off, giving you an outstanding week. And sometimes all the good customers stay away at once. It just happens like that because averages are, well average.
The shouted at will put extra effort in and do slightly above average next week but they won't keep that performance level up. The praised will be encouraged, slightly complacent and try slightly less hard.
It all reverts to the mean.
So if neither make a big difference, ask yourself this. Will my workforce do better in an environment where the good is praised and the bad understood? Or in one where the bollocking is the only tool?
I read another example of this in the excellent 'Thinking Fast and Slow' by Daniel Kahneman this week, discovering the delights of 'regression to the mean'.
Which is better? Shouting at the poor performers or praising the good?
Time's up.
What is your gut reaction? Probably that there is a place for both stick and carrot.
Now let me tell you more. In an organisation where everyone is on top of their game - say it is sales - give or take, most of the team members sell 100 units a week, most of the time. One week a sales rep shifts only 23. You are the team leader and you have that person in your office and give them a dressing down. They can offer no explanation for their poor sales and so you assume they didn't try hard enough, missed some leads or allowed private affairs to get on top of them. After a stern talking to and threat of disciplinary action, you send them packing.
Next week they come in with 105. You pat yourself on the back for your management skills.
Another week a second member of the team pitches in with 342 units. You invite them to your office, praise them, give them a bonus and a 'sales-person of the week' award and an afternoon off.
Next week they come in with 95.
Which is better? Shouting at the poor performers or praising the good?
Time's up.
Obviously the counter-intuitive conclusion from these results is that shouting works but praise doesn't.
Wrong.
Your intuition was right at the beginning.
You see, all things being equal, from time to timely average performers will produce above average results and below average results. They average out. Rarely, but occasionally, very bad and very good results will crop up. Remember that in this organisation everyone is on top of their game. I told you that. So circumstances will conspire to have an occasional customer who wants to buy loads of your product as a one-off, giving you an outstanding week. And sometimes all the good customers stay away at once. It just happens like that because averages are, well average.
The shouted at will put extra effort in and do slightly above average next week but they won't keep that performance level up. The praised will be encouraged, slightly complacent and try slightly less hard.
It all reverts to the mean.
So if neither make a big difference, ask yourself this. Will my workforce do better in an environment where the good is praised and the bad understood? Or in one where the bollocking is the only tool?
Friday, January 09, 2015
How to compare two things.
I read just now that:
'Gordon Taylor has apologised for comparing the Hillsborough tragedy to the Ched Evans rape case.' (Source - www.bbc.co.uk)
I wish he hadn't. Apologised, that is. Because that was not what he did. No such comparison was made. What he did was to give the Hillsborough case as an example of people being thought to be guilty and found innocent. Simply an example of something that does happen from time to time and that is a miscarriage of justice.
Now I am not making any pronouncement on the innocence or guilt of Ched Evans. He has been found guilty by a court; he continues to protest his innocence. We shall have to wait and see.
And of course I am bound, at this stage, in accordance with the rules of the game of language as currently played, to say that rape is rape, rape is serious, rape is a crime and the rapist is to blame. Otherwise I will be offending people who will think I am not taking it seriously enough.
Here's my problem. The world currently seems to take the view that putting two things in the same paragraph is comparing them. It isn't. And it is educated journalists, who should know better, who are making sure people who were never meant to be insulted fully understand the non-nuances of the insult that wasn't made so they feel insulted.
Strewth.
'Gordon Taylor has apologised for comparing the Hillsborough tragedy to the Ched Evans rape case.' (Source - www.bbc.co.uk)
I wish he hadn't. Apologised, that is. Because that was not what he did. No such comparison was made. What he did was to give the Hillsborough case as an example of people being thought to be guilty and found innocent. Simply an example of something that does happen from time to time and that is a miscarriage of justice.
Now I am not making any pronouncement on the innocence or guilt of Ched Evans. He has been found guilty by a court; he continues to protest his innocence. We shall have to wait and see.
And of course I am bound, at this stage, in accordance with the rules of the game of language as currently played, to say that rape is rape, rape is serious, rape is a crime and the rapist is to blame. Otherwise I will be offending people who will think I am not taking it seriously enough.
Here's my problem. The world currently seems to take the view that putting two things in the same paragraph is comparing them. It isn't. And it is educated journalists, who should know better, who are making sure people who were never meant to be insulted fully understand the non-nuances of the insult that wasn't made so they feel insulted.
Strewth.
Wednesday, January 07, 2015
Why Retreat?
From time to time, those who have pretty ordinary working lives look across at us clergy and wonder why it is necessary to take sabbaticals or go on retreat quite so regularly. 'Chance would be a fine thing', you almost hear them say.
Don't get me wrong. Retreat time as part of work is a privilege and not one I take for granted. I also get to worship and pray as part of my working life. Equally nice.
Someone once, in a fine evangelical sermon, used the example of the two biblical seas. The Sea of Galilee receives and gives and is alive; the Dead Sea only receives and is dead.
It reminded us all of the need to serve and be served if we want to live as Christians. I have met followers of Jesus who were out of kilter in both directions.
If you only give, only serve, especially as a preacher and teacher, you will soon not only dry up, but cease to exist. A sea that doesn't receive will soon be a place where the water used to be.
So I am away for a few days. I am with a friend who shares a comfort with the routine and timetable we have established over the years. We set aside times to talk - about what we are reading and about our ministries. We set times to eat and times to read and even a time to nap in the afternoon.
It is a luxury. But our churches would not want to experience us trying to minister without this six monthly half week away. It is not holiday. It is an investment in our being better by stepping back. To this end it would be a useful addition to the annual timetable of many senior leaders in industry. Stopping to think is not actually a luxury. It is a necessary. Many walks of life would be the better for those responsible having not just holiday, but thinking breaks.
You can often better reflect on your situation by getting out of it for a while. Get away.
Don't get me wrong. Retreat time as part of work is a privilege and not one I take for granted. I also get to worship and pray as part of my working life. Equally nice.
Someone once, in a fine evangelical sermon, used the example of the two biblical seas. The Sea of Galilee receives and gives and is alive; the Dead Sea only receives and is dead.
It reminded us all of the need to serve and be served if we want to live as Christians. I have met followers of Jesus who were out of kilter in both directions.
If you only give, only serve, especially as a preacher and teacher, you will soon not only dry up, but cease to exist. A sea that doesn't receive will soon be a place where the water used to be.
So I am away for a few days. I am with a friend who shares a comfort with the routine and timetable we have established over the years. We set aside times to talk - about what we are reading and about our ministries. We set times to eat and times to read and even a time to nap in the afternoon.
It is a luxury. But our churches would not want to experience us trying to minister without this six monthly half week away. It is not holiday. It is an investment in our being better by stepping back. To this end it would be a useful addition to the annual timetable of many senior leaders in industry. Stopping to think is not actually a luxury. It is a necessary. Many walks of life would be the better for those responsible having not just holiday, but thinking breaks.
You can often better reflect on your situation by getting out of it for a while. Get away.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Jesus, Virgins and Christmas
Andrew Lincoln was one of my college lecturers and gave some ground-breaking New Testament expositions. This book, a detailed and academic look at the doctrine of Jesus' virginal conception, is quite simply one of the best works of theology I have read.I confess to using my theological library as a point of reference rather than as a set of tomes to devour from beginning to end, although I am trying to change. I read this book from cover to cover, stopping many times to ponder or look up references. It is now covered in highlighter pen.
Andrew, Portland Professor of New Testament at the University of Gloucestershire, shows how much weight we have heaped upon the two short stories at the beginning of Luke and Matthew's Gospels. He goes on to explain why this might have been, what sort of writings they are and how it is possible to have the highest possible Christology without knowing anything of, or relying at all upon, these accounts, referencing John, Paul and Hebrews.
He then, helpfully, advises all of us who might find it hard to say the creeds if we are required to be saying history, of the manoeuvres we make all the time and every day, to interpret things in different ways whilst saying the same thing as each other.
He also helps us preachers keep our integrity whilst preaching the birth narratives at Christmas.
But, as someone said to me after a carol service this year, maybe more people would come to church if they didn't feel they had to swallow all this nativity stuff as history? Maybe indeed.
Christians share one faith, even if Southern Baptists are rather closed-minded about what that faith is.
Great stuff.
The Chair
When Meredith Belbin produced his ground-breaking work 'Management Teams: Why They Succeed or Fail' he identified the key role of chairing. Except most of the time he didn't call it that. He called it 'co-ordinating'.
If you come across someone who is a good co-ordinator (in my time monitoring Belbin test results I have only experienced one person who had this as their headline preference) then their skill will be to use the gifts and skills of the rest of the team to achieve the desired results.
A good co-ordinator may bring nothing to the party. They may never have an original idea. They may not solve any problems. They may not know anyone who can help. But they will probably know who can. Someone in their team.
They are often very humble people although very 'in control'. Maybe the right place for the control freak is in the chair.
So one of the great things to see is a good chair announcing success. They will use the language of 'we' all the time. Whereas a control freak without the co-ordination skills will tend to take credit for success.
Here's the question. I expect you knew by now that there would be a question.
Is the Prime Minister the co-ordinator of the country? And if (s)he is, why do we need her or him to be charismatic?
The answer is something to do with democracy and ancient memes. We feel instinctively uneasy at voting someone into power who can't eat a bacon sandwich properly, forgetting, of course, that 99 photos of correct bacon-sandwich eating were disposed of until that one was found.
The best person for the job may be the least charismatic; the one who stands up afterwards and says 'My team did this - not me'
If you come across someone who is a good co-ordinator (in my time monitoring Belbin test results I have only experienced one person who had this as their headline preference) then their skill will be to use the gifts and skills of the rest of the team to achieve the desired results.
A good co-ordinator may bring nothing to the party. They may never have an original idea. They may not solve any problems. They may not know anyone who can help. But they will probably know who can. Someone in their team.
They are often very humble people although very 'in control'. Maybe the right place for the control freak is in the chair.
So one of the great things to see is a good chair announcing success. They will use the language of 'we' all the time. Whereas a control freak without the co-ordination skills will tend to take credit for success.
Here's the question. I expect you knew by now that there would be a question.
Is the Prime Minister the co-ordinator of the country? And if (s)he is, why do we need her or him to be charismatic?
The answer is something to do with democracy and ancient memes. We feel instinctively uneasy at voting someone into power who can't eat a bacon sandwich properly, forgetting, of course, that 99 photos of correct bacon-sandwich eating were disposed of until that one was found.
The best person for the job may be the least charismatic; the one who stands up afterwards and says 'My team did this - not me'
Monday, December 29, 2014
Football quiz of the year
Flex your own punditry muscles in this annual quiz.
1. 'He is well respected because he is a football man.' What is Neil Warnock on about?
2. Name any controversial, on-pitch incidents that Arsène Wenger saw last year.
3. Discus the anatomy of a footballer with special reference to:
A) Leaving your leg in.
B) Putting your head in.
C) Having an arm in an 'unnatural position'.
4. In a conversation between Lee Clark and Stephen Gerrard who would be bored first?
5. 'If you're not interfering with play what are you doing on the pitch?' In relation to the current offside law interpretation how fast is Brian Clough spinning in his grave?
6. Place in order of my nervousness:
A) West Brom one up in the ninetieth minute with three minutes of injury time to play.
B) West Brom two up after ten minutes.
C) Alan Irvine indicating he wishes to make a substitution.
D) Anyone except Saido Berahino stepping up to take a penalty.
7. 'It is the duty of all players to avoid being fouled if they can.' What would pundits make of this early clarification of the rules of the game?
8. Ashley Young is touched in the stomach. Indicate by use of diagrams the part of his body he will rub as he falls.
9 Recall a game in which Newcastle's Steven Taylor wasn't stupidly brave.
10. In which episode of The Football League Show did Steve Claridge avoid saying 'There's no doubt about that'?
1. 'He is well respected because he is a football man.' What is Neil Warnock on about?
2. Name any controversial, on-pitch incidents that Arsène Wenger saw last year.
3. Discus the anatomy of a footballer with special reference to:
A) Leaving your leg in.
B) Putting your head in.
C) Having an arm in an 'unnatural position'.
4. In a conversation between Lee Clark and Stephen Gerrard who would be bored first?
5. 'If you're not interfering with play what are you doing on the pitch?' In relation to the current offside law interpretation how fast is Brian Clough spinning in his grave?
6. Place in order of my nervousness:
A) West Brom one up in the ninetieth minute with three minutes of injury time to play.
B) West Brom two up after ten minutes.
C) Alan Irvine indicating he wishes to make a substitution.
D) Anyone except Saido Berahino stepping up to take a penalty.
7. 'It is the duty of all players to avoid being fouled if they can.' What would pundits make of this early clarification of the rules of the game?
8. Ashley Young is touched in the stomach. Indicate by use of diagrams the part of his body he will rub as he falls.
9 Recall a game in which Newcastle's Steven Taylor wasn't stupidly brave.
10. In which episode of The Football League Show did Steve Claridge avoid saying 'There's no doubt about that'?
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Before We Get Too Excited
Well they were queueing to get in at Trendlewood Church on Christmas Day as we hastily added more and more chairs to our usual 90 or so. Eventually, with a watchful eye to emergency potential, we crammed 131 into Golden Valley School Hall. Nothing makes things go well like a crowd.
There were some new or irregular guests, for which we give thanks, but mostly, like those cicadas that time their breeding cycle for prime numbers of years so they hatch when the food is plentiful and, from time to time, all coincide, all our families came home at once.
The thing that is great though is that this bunch of people returning to families for Christmas lunch, were raised by the informal Anglicanism of Trendlewood Church's ministry. They don't bat an eyelid that instead of a sermon on Christmas Day the children have made a Lego video of the nativity. They willingly accept the vicar wearing a VW badge around his neck and encouraging them to make clay bling. They share communion around tables and include the children who enjoy running for a grape when the wine comes around. They end with another nativity video which is poignant, funny and not a little South Park edgy.
Everyone is encouraged by a crowd. Re-union conversations are going on long after we have finished at a service where we offer no refreshments because we expect people will want to get home.
I was encouraged by our little crib service on Christmas Eve, started last year so that we now have two, simultaneous, crib services in the parish. This year we advertised in the school newspaper and picked up a fair few local families who came for our short telling of the Christmas story, in its simplest form, with some carols, prayers and mince pies. Our numbers were up on last year so that we had over 50 in attendance.
Today we are meeting as a church but not so much to worship (we will a bit) as to chill together. We will have coffee and croissants, Sunday papers, a break for carols and prayers and then mulled wine and nibbles. You can come for the whole morning or just for a bit.
There were some new or irregular guests, for which we give thanks, but mostly, like those cicadas that time their breeding cycle for prime numbers of years so they hatch when the food is plentiful and, from time to time, all coincide, all our families came home at once.
The thing that is great though is that this bunch of people returning to families for Christmas lunch, were raised by the informal Anglicanism of Trendlewood Church's ministry. They don't bat an eyelid that instead of a sermon on Christmas Day the children have made a Lego video of the nativity. They willingly accept the vicar wearing a VW badge around his neck and encouraging them to make clay bling. They share communion around tables and include the children who enjoy running for a grape when the wine comes around. They end with another nativity video which is poignant, funny and not a little South Park edgy.
Everyone is encouraged by a crowd. Re-union conversations are going on long after we have finished at a service where we offer no refreshments because we expect people will want to get home.
I was encouraged by our little crib service on Christmas Eve, started last year so that we now have two, simultaneous, crib services in the parish. This year we advertised in the school newspaper and picked up a fair few local families who came for our short telling of the Christmas story, in its simplest form, with some carols, prayers and mince pies. Our numbers were up on last year so that we had over 50 in attendance.
Today we are meeting as a church but not so much to worship (we will a bit) as to chill together. We will have coffee and croissants, Sunday papers, a break for carols and prayers and then mulled wine and nibbles. You can come for the whole morning or just for a bit.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Thought for the Day
Well Good Morning and a very Happy Christmas to you all.
This is a recorded thought. Vicars are in demand on Christmas morning. Later on a member of my lovely Trendlewood congregation in Nailsea will taunt me. 'It must be hard for you to have to work on a Thursday' he will say.
Cheek.
After I have finished my duties today, cooked the family lunch and had a bit of a sleep, I may finally get round to reading some cards and newsletters from friends.
One terribly sad thing happens around this time of year. One of our early cards is addressed to Mrs J. Armstrong (I've changed the names).
It is always signed:
To Julie and Rob and girls
From Jim, Tricia and girls
There is no sender's address.
We have lived in our house for over eight years. The previous occupants, one of whom was Julie, left no forwarding address. I was led to believe that the relationship ended in separation and certainly, just before the house was purchased, there were more than just daughters living here, suggesting that a new family had begun and two sets of children were merging. Mail arrives for people with two different surnames.
So, the senders have not heard from their friends for eight years, don't know they've separated, formed new relationships and moved, yet continue to send a quick card (early, to get it done with). They add no address, no news and no clues.
I wonder how many times this story is repeated around the country.
And I ask myself. Are we really keeping in touch with each other's lives? As you read your cards this year spare a thought, and maybe a prayer, for the senders.
This is a recorded thought. Vicars are in demand on Christmas morning. Later on a member of my lovely Trendlewood congregation in Nailsea will taunt me. 'It must be hard for you to have to work on a Thursday' he will say.
Cheek.
After I have finished my duties today, cooked the family lunch and had a bit of a sleep, I may finally get round to reading some cards and newsletters from friends.
One terribly sad thing happens around this time of year. One of our early cards is addressed to Mrs J. Armstrong (I've changed the names).
It is always signed:
To Julie and Rob and girls
From Jim, Tricia and girls
There is no sender's address.
We have lived in our house for over eight years. The previous occupants, one of whom was Julie, left no forwarding address. I was led to believe that the relationship ended in separation and certainly, just before the house was purchased, there were more than just daughters living here, suggesting that a new family had begun and two sets of children were merging. Mail arrives for people with two different surnames.
So, the senders have not heard from their friends for eight years, don't know they've separated, formed new relationships and moved, yet continue to send a quick card (early, to get it done with). They add no address, no news and no clues.
I wonder how many times this story is repeated around the country.
And I ask myself. Are we really keeping in touch with each other's lives? As you read your cards this year spare a thought, and maybe a prayer, for the senders.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
My Alternative Career
I was ordained pretty young, by today's standards, although at 29 I felt I had been made to wait too long. I have now been thirty years in this ministry. I have tried to follow the Spirit's leading and to take good advice and this route has meant that I have never been an incumbent (Rector or Vicar) of a parish.
But I have done some interesting jobs which were useful, to some extent successful and bore some fruit.
It is clear now what I should have done. To all intents and purposes I was a bright young thing who could have achieved seniority within the Church of England.
After my first curacy (during which I should have stood for election to Diocesan Synod) I should have either undertaken a short chaplaincy, a five year team vicar post, or served abroad.
I did a long second curacy which might have been called Team Vicar in different circumstances. I should have done a Masters during this period.
After this, eight years in (and trying not to swap diocese too often), I should have done an incumbency with more synodical responsibility, including standing for General Synod, and taking an interest in a specific area of diocesan work. I should have avoided being outspoken, critical or terribly effective the while, leaving any church exactly as I found it with goodwill from the Usual Sunday Attendance. I should have chosen to generate a particular area of theological expertise and never avoided using such services as are authorised by canon. I should have developed liturgical, rather than informal worship, expertise.
Age 42 I would have been ready. It may have taken a while, it may not have happened at all, but that would have increased the likelihood of my getting on a preferment list.
In fact I then worked for a home mission agency and spent ten years helping the Church of England with youth ministry. Then, drained and ill, I wrote for four years whilst working part-time for a parish. A conservative-evangelical by background and training, my theology became more liberal as it became more biblical. I reached the age of 51.
For the last eight years I have been doing missional stuff back in the front-line and at grass roots as minister of a planted church which is now hoping to plant again.
Every post has involved investing time and energy in future leaders and growing the Church of England's talent pool. I can, off the top of my head, name eleven people in ministry and leadership as a result of this work - roughly one every three years.
Think how good I would have been if groomed for future major responsibility? That's right. Not at all. Those who are worth giving further responsibility to have already invested a considerable amount of time and money in their own development.
By the way, I am really happy in my work.
But I have done some interesting jobs which were useful, to some extent successful and bore some fruit.
It is clear now what I should have done. To all intents and purposes I was a bright young thing who could have achieved seniority within the Church of England.
After my first curacy (during which I should have stood for election to Diocesan Synod) I should have either undertaken a short chaplaincy, a five year team vicar post, or served abroad.
I did a long second curacy which might have been called Team Vicar in different circumstances. I should have done a Masters during this period.
After this, eight years in (and trying not to swap diocese too often), I should have done an incumbency with more synodical responsibility, including standing for General Synod, and taking an interest in a specific area of diocesan work. I should have avoided being outspoken, critical or terribly effective the while, leaving any church exactly as I found it with goodwill from the Usual Sunday Attendance. I should have chosen to generate a particular area of theological expertise and never avoided using such services as are authorised by canon. I should have developed liturgical, rather than informal worship, expertise.
Age 42 I would have been ready. It may have taken a while, it may not have happened at all, but that would have increased the likelihood of my getting on a preferment list.
In fact I then worked for a home mission agency and spent ten years helping the Church of England with youth ministry. Then, drained and ill, I wrote for four years whilst working part-time for a parish. A conservative-evangelical by background and training, my theology became more liberal as it became more biblical. I reached the age of 51.
For the last eight years I have been doing missional stuff back in the front-line and at grass roots as minister of a planted church which is now hoping to plant again.
Every post has involved investing time and energy in future leaders and growing the Church of England's talent pool. I can, off the top of my head, name eleven people in ministry and leadership as a result of this work - roughly one every three years.
Think how good I would have been if groomed for future major responsibility? That's right. Not at all. Those who are worth giving further responsibility to have already invested a considerable amount of time and money in their own development.
By the way, I am really happy in my work.
Thought for the Day
As delivered this morning at BBC Radio Bristol:
A Bristol GP recently told me he had never known a period so busy in his surgery. Not with any particular ailment. Just a lot of patients with different problems.
So we try to relieve pressure on our Health Service. Don't visit your doctor with a cold. Don't take bumps and bruises to Accident and Emergency if you're tipsy. Buy your own headache remedies.
Many of us see the doctor seeking reassurance - tell me this lump isn't cancerous - sort of thing.
Ambroise Paré in the sixteenth century said the physician's duty was 'to cure occasionally, relieve often, console always.'
So we might applaud local businesses coughing up cash for a Drink Tank - a place to keep inebriated people safe while nature takes its course. People who don't need a doctor; they need a sleep.
Jesus, amazingly, was quite short with the sick. He is reported as arguing with one Canaanite woman that he didn't heal outsiders. St Mark writes of an occasion when Jesus came down to a crowd of sick people at his door. His reply 'Let's go somewhere else'. He had something more important to do.
Our National Health Service has left us all feeling as if we ought to be well all the time.
I wish you the best of health in this week before Christmas. It's rubbish being ill at this time of year. But also a sober and realistic assessment of what it means to be well. I have known some very poorly people who simply didn't let their illness be the most important thing about them.
Health, someone once said, is what you have when you don't notice it.
A Bristol GP recently told me he had never known a period so busy in his surgery. Not with any particular ailment. Just a lot of patients with different problems.
So we try to relieve pressure on our Health Service. Don't visit your doctor with a cold. Don't take bumps and bruises to Accident and Emergency if you're tipsy. Buy your own headache remedies.
Many of us see the doctor seeking reassurance - tell me this lump isn't cancerous - sort of thing.
Ambroise Paré in the sixteenth century said the physician's duty was 'to cure occasionally, relieve often, console always.'
So we might applaud local businesses coughing up cash for a Drink Tank - a place to keep inebriated people safe while nature takes its course. People who don't need a doctor; they need a sleep.
Jesus, amazingly, was quite short with the sick. He is reported as arguing with one Canaanite woman that he didn't heal outsiders. St Mark writes of an occasion when Jesus came down to a crowd of sick people at his door. His reply 'Let's go somewhere else'. He had something more important to do.
Our National Health Service has left us all feeling as if we ought to be well all the time.
I wish you the best of health in this week before Christmas. It's rubbish being ill at this time of year. But also a sober and realistic assessment of what it means to be well. I have known some very poorly people who simply didn't let their illness be the most important thing about them.
Health, someone once said, is what you have when you don't notice it.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Thought for the Day
As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol an hour ago:
My worst night's sleep ever followed a midnight call from the custody sergeant at the police station. 'Your son has been arrested for burglary.'
As we may well recall, Jo Yeates, a young Bristol woman, was murdered four years ago by Vincent Tabak, who is now in prison for the crime.
The film about her landlord, Christopher Jefferies, a two-part TV drama which concludes tonight, has been the subject of much conversation.
So although only helping police with their enquiries, having been arrested on suspicion of murder, a lot of journalistic digging took place, as if he was guilty. Can you remember what you thought at the time? The Sun called him 'Strange Mr Jefferies'. Unjustified rumours about his sexuality were published. He was described as a peeping Tom.
Jefferies has received an apology from the police for the distress caused during the investigation. He has successfully sued a number of newspapers and given evidence to the Leveson Enquiry.
My son was not charged but released, within 18 hours, having been caught up in something bad a crowd of young men did. He slept with the door open for a few days after that - because he could.
The police were great. CCTV cameras were part of the process by which innocence was proved and no journalists asked me about the gap between my example as a vicar and my parenting skills. Thank goodness.
Being eccentric is not a crime.
Being a young man near a crime is not a crime.
And crucially, being arrested is not a crime.
Beware of jumping to conclusions of guilt.
'Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.' A persecuted, innocent man said that.
My worst night's sleep ever followed a midnight call from the custody sergeant at the police station. 'Your son has been arrested for burglary.'
As we may well recall, Jo Yeates, a young Bristol woman, was murdered four years ago by Vincent Tabak, who is now in prison for the crime.
The film about her landlord, Christopher Jefferies, a two-part TV drama which concludes tonight, has been the subject of much conversation.
So although only helping police with their enquiries, having been arrested on suspicion of murder, a lot of journalistic digging took place, as if he was guilty. Can you remember what you thought at the time? The Sun called him 'Strange Mr Jefferies'. Unjustified rumours about his sexuality were published. He was described as a peeping Tom.
Jefferies has received an apology from the police for the distress caused during the investigation. He has successfully sued a number of newspapers and given evidence to the Leveson Enquiry.
My son was not charged but released, within 18 hours, having been caught up in something bad a crowd of young men did. He slept with the door open for a few days after that - because he could.
The police were great. CCTV cameras were part of the process by which innocence was proved and no journalists asked me about the gap between my example as a vicar and my parenting skills. Thank goodness.
Being eccentric is not a crime.
Being a young man near a crime is not a crime.
And crucially, being arrested is not a crime.
Beware of jumping to conclusions of guilt.
'Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.' A persecuted, innocent man said that.
Thursday, December 04, 2014
Thought for the Day
As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning:
You probably wouldn't sleep very comfortably with your head in the cooker and your feet in the fridge, but if a statistician came along they'd soon convince you that on average you were comfortable.
Well? How do you feel about your personal finances? Hot or cold? Warm or cool? Or does it all depend where you decide to stick the thermometer?
One of the difficulties of responding to an autumn budget statement is that of arguing from the particular to the general. If you have lost your job recently it is hard to be convinced that things in general are picking up. A mugging victim will be slow to agree that crime figures are down.
Rainy spells are good for umbrella makers. Doctors earn money because we get sick. Self-curing concrete (an invention highlighted on the programme) sounds astonishing, but, if successful, it will force the manufacturers of conventional concrete to change.
So politicians look at the country on average - in general - regardless of who is doing well and who badly.
When I had dependent children I looked forward to the day when I could have more disposable income. Now I am fortunate enough to be able to save but my money earns next to no interest. And anyway, even thirty something children ask for occasional handouts.
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
I hear Jesus' words as told by Luke, 'Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a person's life does not consist in the abundance of their possessions.' And I remember that, as we approach Christmas, it is better to give than to receive, nicer to contribute than to moan, and far, far more comfortable to sleep in the bedroom than in the kitchen.
You probably wouldn't sleep very comfortably with your head in the cooker and your feet in the fridge, but if a statistician came along they'd soon convince you that on average you were comfortable.
Well? How do you feel about your personal finances? Hot or cold? Warm or cool? Or does it all depend where you decide to stick the thermometer?
One of the difficulties of responding to an autumn budget statement is that of arguing from the particular to the general. If you have lost your job recently it is hard to be convinced that things in general are picking up. A mugging victim will be slow to agree that crime figures are down.
Rainy spells are good for umbrella makers. Doctors earn money because we get sick. Self-curing concrete (an invention highlighted on the programme) sounds astonishing, but, if successful, it will force the manufacturers of conventional concrete to change.
So politicians look at the country on average - in general - regardless of who is doing well and who badly.
When I had dependent children I looked forward to the day when I could have more disposable income. Now I am fortunate enough to be able to save but my money earns next to no interest. And anyway, even thirty something children ask for occasional handouts.
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
I hear Jesus' words as told by Luke, 'Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a person's life does not consist in the abundance of their possessions.' And I remember that, as we approach Christmas, it is better to give than to receive, nicer to contribute than to moan, and far, far more comfortable to sleep in the bedroom than in the kitchen.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Not liver but Allen keys
A while back I posted about a strange set of circumstances in which things had gone wrong. Read it at http://stevetilley.blogspot.co.uk/2009/11/les-choses-est-contre-nous.html
It involved a particular person turning up at one of my Quiet Days brandishing a bag of liver. No, really.
So yesterday the same person told us at lunchtime that he had decided to go for a cycle during the first period of quiet. But, getting on his bike, he reached into the pocket of his coat and found a set of keys he did not recognise. After a bit of a ponder he realised that he was wearing the wrong coat. One of the other guests had a similar one.
He swapped coats and all was well.
At going home time my bike-riding guest said that If I happened to find a particular Allen key around the house it was he who had lost it. At which point (are you there yet?) the coat-swap victim suggested 'Have you looked in my coat pocket?' He did, and there it was. We all chuckled, knowingly.
What will live with me for a while is the look on the face of the person who had come to fetch one of my guests and joined us for a cuppa. 'What sort of a meeting is this?' his expression asked, without words.
We didn't say, immediately. Better to leave the mystery sometimes.
It involved a particular person turning up at one of my Quiet Days brandishing a bag of liver. No, really.
So yesterday the same person told us at lunchtime that he had decided to go for a cycle during the first period of quiet. But, getting on his bike, he reached into the pocket of his coat and found a set of keys he did not recognise. After a bit of a ponder he realised that he was wearing the wrong coat. One of the other guests had a similar one.
He swapped coats and all was well.
At going home time my bike-riding guest said that If I happened to find a particular Allen key around the house it was he who had lost it. At which point (are you there yet?) the coat-swap victim suggested 'Have you looked in my coat pocket?' He did, and there it was. We all chuckled, knowingly.
What will live with me for a while is the look on the face of the person who had come to fetch one of my guests and joined us for a cuppa. 'What sort of a meeting is this?' his expression asked, without words.
We didn't say, immediately. Better to leave the mystery sometimes.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
RIP Phil Hughes and some thoughts on his passing
So sad to hear that Australian cricketer Phil Hughes has died following a blow to the head by a cricket ball. A cricket ball travelling at ninety miles an hour is a dangerous thing but the huge advances in protective equipment worn by players makes such occasions incredibly rare. But if you have never cradled a cricket ball in your hand you ought to. It is a very solid projectile. One once broke my ankle. I look down at the scar between the fingers of my right hand where a ball split the webbing. I caught it though.
I have been pretty focused on the Old Testament for the last few months. Morning Prayer lectionary readings took us through 1 and 2 Samuel then 1 and 2 Kings. My church has been studying Exodus and my small home group, Genesis.
Many people observe dramatic differences between the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New. I observe dramatic differences between the people of the Old and the people of the New (and the people of today). A collection of books (which the Bible is) containing stories spanning two millennia will inevitably show some major cultural change.
The sport of the Middle Bronze Age was war. You tested your strength against the neighbours in a time when land boundaries were being stretched, established and fixed.
What does Goliath say to David? Not much more than 'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.'
Saul has killed his thousands
David his tens of thousands
This too is a football chant.
Our leader is better than the King.
The sport of kings is a description often made of hunting pursuits. The Romans fixed combat as a sport by building huge stadia in which people gathered to watch warriors try to kill each other. Combat, jousting and contact team games are all anteceded by warfare.
We have moved on. We (by which I mean society) still like team games and one-on-one competition. Boxing and wrestling are the two where the focus is most on hurting each other but subtle rules make sure the pain is limited and the potential damage minimal. But boxers are maimed and die from time to time.
Rugby has an unbelievable care for rules and opponent. Witness the huddles after games of mutual appreciation. But when the whistle blows there is much made of the 'big hit'. Hugely perfected physiques try very hard to stop each other with extremely violent blocks and tackles. American football is the culmination of this process; guys hit each other much harder than they otherwise would because their own protective clothing becomes not a defensive matter but a shock-absorber which allows them to thud and crunch into each other with greater power, velocity and personal safety.
Football also has its nuances. It is often forgotten that page one of the introduction to the game specifies that football is not a physical contact sport but the nature of the game makes some physical contact inevitable. And we are discovering that brain injuries caused by heading an old water-soaked case-ball were more common than we thought. (See the 'Justice for Jeff' campaign re the West Brom striker who died relatively young, probably as a result of heading footballs too often.)
But cricket is complex. Much is made of the failure of outsiders to understand the rules and subtleties. But when a fast bowler has, in his armoury, the possibility of projecting the ball at great speed at the opponent's head, deliberately, you have to say that this will only serve to intimidate or unnerve the opponent if it carries with it the prospect of serious injury or death. Hard to imagine that players used to face such a barrage without helmets but I am old enough to remember the days.
So, did Phil Hughes die because of a failure of protective equipment? Possibly, and it may be the case that even more protection will be offered. But this will greatly increase the weight of a helmet and may make avoiding the ball harder.
No. Phil Hughes died because part of the game of cricket, and some other games, involves trying to kill each other. It rarely happens but it is a possibility. It is sad but true. I am sure he knew the risk. Combating a dangerous bowler who was trying to maim him was part of the attraction.
I wonder if the bowler will be wanting to try and kill again though? Because if that's not what he's trying to do, why aim at the head?
I have been pretty focused on the Old Testament for the last few months. Morning Prayer lectionary readings took us through 1 and 2 Samuel then 1 and 2 Kings. My church has been studying Exodus and my small home group, Genesis.
Many people observe dramatic differences between the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New. I observe dramatic differences between the people of the Old and the people of the New (and the people of today). A collection of books (which the Bible is) containing stories spanning two millennia will inevitably show some major cultural change.
The sport of the Middle Bronze Age was war. You tested your strength against the neighbours in a time when land boundaries were being stretched, established and fixed.
What does Goliath say to David? Not much more than 'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.'
Saul has killed his thousands
David his tens of thousands
This too is a football chant.
Our leader is better than the King.
The sport of kings is a description often made of hunting pursuits. The Romans fixed combat as a sport by building huge stadia in which people gathered to watch warriors try to kill each other. Combat, jousting and contact team games are all anteceded by warfare.
We have moved on. We (by which I mean society) still like team games and one-on-one competition. Boxing and wrestling are the two where the focus is most on hurting each other but subtle rules make sure the pain is limited and the potential damage minimal. But boxers are maimed and die from time to time.
Rugby has an unbelievable care for rules and opponent. Witness the huddles after games of mutual appreciation. But when the whistle blows there is much made of the 'big hit'. Hugely perfected physiques try very hard to stop each other with extremely violent blocks and tackles. American football is the culmination of this process; guys hit each other much harder than they otherwise would because their own protective clothing becomes not a defensive matter but a shock-absorber which allows them to thud and crunch into each other with greater power, velocity and personal safety.
Football also has its nuances. It is often forgotten that page one of the introduction to the game specifies that football is not a physical contact sport but the nature of the game makes some physical contact inevitable. And we are discovering that brain injuries caused by heading an old water-soaked case-ball were more common than we thought. (See the 'Justice for Jeff' campaign re the West Brom striker who died relatively young, probably as a result of heading footballs too often.)
But cricket is complex. Much is made of the failure of outsiders to understand the rules and subtleties. But when a fast bowler has, in his armoury, the possibility of projecting the ball at great speed at the opponent's head, deliberately, you have to say that this will only serve to intimidate or unnerve the opponent if it carries with it the prospect of serious injury or death. Hard to imagine that players used to face such a barrage without helmets but I am old enough to remember the days.
So, did Phil Hughes die because of a failure of protective equipment? Possibly, and it may be the case that even more protection will be offered. But this will greatly increase the weight of a helmet and may make avoiding the ball harder.
No. Phil Hughes died because part of the game of cricket, and some other games, involves trying to kill each other. It rarely happens but it is a possibility. It is sad but true. I am sure he knew the risk. Combating a dangerous bowler who was trying to maim him was part of the attraction.
I wonder if the bowler will be wanting to try and kill again though? Because if that's not what he's trying to do, why aim at the head?
Monday, November 24, 2014
Quote of the Day
Thank you for being with me. I have now finished the job of indexing my quote book. It loomed at me as a massive job I would never get done. But by chopping it into small bits and indexing ten a day for five days a week I have finished in about a year.
Now all I need is a weekly reminder to transfer any new quotes into my book and to index them when ten are there.
I call this system 'Eating a slug'. If you absolutely have to eat slug you want that critter thin-sliced.
1227. Modern agriculture, with its push toward vast monocultures, is as likely to produce environmental harmony as a call centre is to produce social harmony.
(Guy Watson, Riverford News Letter 19/5/14)
Now all I need is a weekly reminder to transfer any new quotes into my book and to index them when ten are there.
I call this system 'Eating a slug'. If you absolutely have to eat slug you want that critter thin-sliced.
1227. Modern agriculture, with its push toward vast monocultures, is as likely to produce environmental harmony as a call centre is to produce social harmony.
(Guy Watson, Riverford News Letter 19/5/14)
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Guess Who is Coming?
Readers with stamina will recall that my best friend is Bob. We conduct this relationship without feeling it necessary to communicate or meet for great chunks of time, then go and live near each other for ten years or so until we're sick of each other. We go away on reading breaks together and carry on where we left off. We're fine with that. Whoever dies second will conduct the other's funeral incorporating a flip-chart exercise of suggesting words that could not be used to describe the deceased. If it's his funeral then 'organised' will probably be suggested. If it's mine he'll forget the flip-chart.
Bob is able to disappear from society for great lengths of time then come back with a sentence or observation of such precision and wisdom that you wish he'd go away more. Mind you the second sentence is often almighty drivel so don't wait around for that.
Anyway, to cut a longish story shortish, I have spent some chunks of my life waiting for Bob, knowing that it would be worthwhile.
It is almost Advent, a time when Christians look forward to the return of Jesus Christ with hope and expectation. As this is a bit weird we pretend that we are looking forward to Christmas.
In the local Wetherspoons pub, The Glassmaker in Nailsea, where a pint of 'Sorry not available' is quite cheap, I was visiting for breakfast (I know, I have a tough life) when I observed that 'Sorry not available' has been replaced with a friendlier sign.
Wikwar Brewery of Gloucester produces a beer called 'Bob'. (You can guess where this is going.) The sign on the tap says 'Bob is coming soon'.
The reason for this post is that I texted him today to point this out and enquire about his health. No reply. His wife will see this and read out any amusing bits. It may lead to us communicating. It's a long shot but it's his turn to arrange the next retreat.
Bob is able to disappear from society for great lengths of time then come back with a sentence or observation of such precision and wisdom that you wish he'd go away more. Mind you the second sentence is often almighty drivel so don't wait around for that.
Anyway, to cut a longish story shortish, I have spent some chunks of my life waiting for Bob, knowing that it would be worthwhile.
It is almost Advent, a time when Christians look forward to the return of Jesus Christ with hope and expectation. As this is a bit weird we pretend that we are looking forward to Christmas.
In the local Wetherspoons pub, The Glassmaker in Nailsea, where a pint of 'Sorry not available' is quite cheap, I was visiting for breakfast (I know, I have a tough life) when I observed that 'Sorry not available' has been replaced with a friendlier sign.
Wikwar Brewery of Gloucester produces a beer called 'Bob'. (You can guess where this is going.) The sign on the tap says 'Bob is coming soon'.
The reason for this post is that I texted him today to point this out and enquire about his health. No reply. His wife will see this and read out any amusing bits. It may lead to us communicating. It's a long shot but it's his turn to arrange the next retreat.
Quote of the Day
1209. Socrates, in Plato's Phaedrus, argued that the invention of writing meant people would '...cease to exercise their memory and become forgetful'. It seems likely that we'll get over internet distraction soon enough.
(Oliver Burkeman. Guardian Weekly 21/6/13)
(Oliver Burkeman. Guardian Weekly 21/6/13)
Monday, November 17, 2014
Quote of the Day
1199. In a democracy there is not that class with the leisure to acquire discernment and taste in all the arts. Without that class, art is produced to suit the taste of the market, which is filled with its own doubt and self-importance and ignorance, its own ability to be tricked and titillated by every bauble.
(Olivier in Peter Carey's Parrot and Olivier in America)
(Olivier in Peter Carey's Parrot and Olivier in America)
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Seasonal Produce
Is this how the retail world sees the year?
January 1st - February 14th
Valentine's Season
February 15th - March Sunday (annual variation)
Mothers' Season
March Sunday (annual variation) - Easter Day (annual variation)
Easter Season
Easter Day (annual variation) - 3rd Sunday June
Father's Season
3rd Sunday June - mid July
Currently vacant
mid July - mid August
Silly Season
Mid August - last Sunday August (or first September, regional variations)
Back to School Season
Last Sunday August (or first September, regional variations) - mid September
Currently vacant
Mid September - October 31st
Halloween Season
October 31st - 2nd Sunday November
Fireworks Season (overlap Poppy Season)
2nd Sunday November - December 24th
Christmas Season (colloquially marked by launch of John Lewis advert)
December 25th - December 31st
New Year Season (overlap Holiday Season)
The criticism of displaying Christmas produce too early is avoided by labelling such aisles 'seasonal'. The commercial understanding of such displays has been that, for the purposes of retail, 'seasonal' means 'next season'.
January 1st - February 14th
Valentine's Season
February 15th - March Sunday (annual variation)
Mothers' Season
March Sunday (annual variation) - Easter Day (annual variation)
Easter Season
Easter Day (annual variation) - 3rd Sunday June
Father's Season
3rd Sunday June - mid July
Currently vacant
mid July - mid August
Silly Season
Mid August - last Sunday August (or first September, regional variations)
Back to School Season
Last Sunday August (or first September, regional variations) - mid September
Currently vacant
Mid September - October 31st
Halloween Season
October 31st - 2nd Sunday November
Fireworks Season (overlap Poppy Season)
2nd Sunday November - December 24th
Christmas Season (colloquially marked by launch of John Lewis advert)
December 25th - December 31st
New Year Season (overlap Holiday Season)
The criticism of displaying Christmas produce too early is avoided by labelling such aisles 'seasonal'. The commercial understanding of such displays has been that, for the purposes of retail, 'seasonal' means 'next season'.
Quote of the Day
1186. We think the purpose of a child is to grow up because it does grow up. But its purpose is to play, to enjoy itself, to be a child. If we merely look at the end of the process, the purpose of life is death.
(Alexander Herzen, quoted by Edward St Aubyn in 'Mother's Milk')
(Alexander Herzen, quoted by Edward St Aubyn in 'Mother's Milk')
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Quote of the Day
1175. ... religion ... - it is the asylum to which all poor crazed sinners may come at last, the door which will always open to us if we can only find the courage to knock.
(James Robertson, The Testimony of Gideon Mack)
(James Robertson, The Testimony of Gideon Mack)
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Quote Book Index
1166. In a world where entire meals are consumed in forgetfulness, there's something powerful and evocative about focusing attention, gratefully, on one tiny morsel.
(Dave Tomlinson, How to be a Bad Christian)
(Dave Tomlinson, How to be a Bad Christian)
Thursday, November 06, 2014
Bedsit Disco Queen
It is not easy choosing music as a couple. If you both like music but one is much more enthusiastic and generally curious than the other it is likely that that one will do a lot of the choosing. But then to keep a relationship going it is best for that choosing to be exercised in the interest of both parties, when both are around. It follows that I have a number of albums that must not be played in the presence of Mrs T.It further follows that we have a few 'special' acts who have accompanied us on our journey together. In about 1996, when we took our first holiday for some years without children, we were accompanied by the Everything but the Girl album Walking Wounded including the Todd Terry remix of Wrong.
We had a sort of where-have-we-been? moment. We had kind of ignored the lo-fi acoustic stuff this duo had produced before but from that day on with the light drum 'n bass feel we were hooked.
We saw EBTG at Wolverhampton Civic Hall which remains the finest experience we've ever had in Wolverhampton and that includes Baggies away wins.
Tracey Thorn (half the duo with partner Ben Watt) is an English graduate and writes like a dream. The prose never gets in the way of the story.
What I love is the ordinariness from which this catalogue of dreamy pop emerged and to which, in order to raise a family and do conventional household tasks, it returned for a while. There are now solo projects which we have enjoyed though.
I've recently read part two of Danny Baker's autobiography and he too demonstrated a wonder that he became who he was without having to do too much to make it happen.
What is it that makes this occur for some people? Of course there is talent. That pretty much goes without saying, but there is also a sense that no decision was ever taken to try to be a star; just a decision to do the next logical thing that came along.
I love Tracey Thorn's pop career so much more than the ones of those wannabees who queue to audition for the latest audience elimination programme; as if saying 'I've never wanted anything so much' makes it more likely. Because what she did was have a voice and some songs and got them out there and we liked them. I'm delighted there was some success but, reading the book, get the impression it wouldn't have mattered that much if there hadn't been. The music demanded it be made.
It was about album seven that the world took notice (the one we heard). She says, 'My greatest stroke of fortune was to be given success when I was old enough to enjoy it and not take it for granted, or fritter it away, or be contemptuous or arrogant or supercilious about it.' I love that. It's a humble book.
Over the last few years I have followed Tracey (@tracey_thorn) and Ben (@ben_watt) on Twitter, have had occasional inter-actions about things as disparate as recipes, footie and bird-watching and feel delighted that they seem to take as much pleasure in the ordinary things of life as the sublime music they have gifted me.
This is a very good book.
Trying not to be Frustrated
The meeting is due to start at 7.45 and finish at 9.45. Opening, the chair suggests that this short agenda will not take too long and we should finish early. We over-run by twenty minutes.
A reminder to all who ever have to chair meetings containing people not likely to be energised by the meeting itself:
1. After two hours reluctant attenders will vote for anything to get home. They will have no emotional energy left.
2. Never raise expectations of a shorter meeting than usual unless you are sure you can deliver.
3. If you have to go over two hours, take a break at some point.
4. Limit the amount of time you are going to spend on trivial items.
5. Charge smaller groups of people, or individuals, with doing some tasks and reporting back if not everyone needs to be involved in a discussion now.
6. Editing is not a committee job.
7. Neither is proof-reading.
A reminder to all who ever have to chair meetings containing people not likely to be energised by the meeting itself:
1. After two hours reluctant attenders will vote for anything to get home. They will have no emotional energy left.
2. Never raise expectations of a shorter meeting than usual unless you are sure you can deliver.
3. If you have to go over two hours, take a break at some point.
4. Limit the amount of time you are going to spend on trivial items.
5. Charge smaller groups of people, or individuals, with doing some tasks and reporting back if not everyone needs to be involved in a discussion now.
6. Editing is not a committee job.
7. Neither is proof-reading.
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