Downsizing

We've been down-sizing. Naively we thought moving to a house half the size of our big vicarage meant only taking half our furniture. If you read no further paragraphs and want a single take-away from this piece please note that furniture designed for big rooms can't make that journey. Doing what we have done you will need to get rid of most of your furniture and purchase smaller pieces.

Over the years we have collected several items in pine and these created the theme of our last two homes. I wrote only this summer about the lovely old ironmonger's counter units we had procured, with the stated hope that we could keep them. In fact we gave two to our younger son and his family and brought two with us. A couple of weeks into living here in our new home and we worked out they were too big for the space. Also, surprisingly, it turns out that a big part of liking them was the space in which they lived. Without wishing to sound pretentious, this is not a pine house. It has a sleeker, more modern vibe. No carpets downstairs. Wood painted black,. Blinds not curtains. And the usual modern bathroom accessories that are a triumph of style over function.

Our last two houses have been big. Our Victorian terrace in Leamington had three floors,  many rooms and decent high ceilings. Our modern vicarage in Nailsea had a couple of huge spaces in which ordinary furniture got lost. Our conservatory alone had a four seater corner sofa, the biggest of the old counter-cupboards and a dining table that seated twelve, comfortably. There were two further sofas in the lounge. Fate of the older one is pictured.

There is a modicum of truth in the saying that clergy are middle-class people in upper class houses on lower-class salaries.

One of my main sources of joy in an ordinary week is the FT Weekend glossy supplement HTSI. It used to be called How To Spend It which is a big clue as to what it might be like. The first six pages are usually double-page promotionals for watches. No, not Swatches.

It is not devoid of ideas for the cute use of space, something we are working very hard on just now. This week there was a special focus on someone who has chosen to live in an open-plan cave. Not an actual cave but a purpose-built one. The pictures of the accommodation are beautiful and could probably manage well enough without being described as '...an organic celebration of the curvilinear.' We learn that open-plan living 'requires a robust approach to one's ablutions'. Yes folks, in this space everyone can hear you stream. Anyone got the number for Private Eye's Pseuds' Corner?

The HTSI subjects have a lot of space.  We don't. So we have spent five weeks carefully monitoring dead space where things might be kept. We need to lose one more pine unit completely and a huge pine dresser which we spent real  money on in 1984. One further shop display case can stay but needs painting to blend in. The last of the four old counter units is going in the garage as useful storage.

Yesterday we threw more money at a bespoke shelving solution (sorry, I've caught pretentiousness now) than we spent on each of our first three cars, even allowing for inflation. Turns out that making things small, compact and beautiful is expensive. And meeting a wonderful local carpenter gave us a couple of ideas for space-saving which we hadn't thought of. Can't quite afford Scooby Doo wardrobe doors but they are enticingly cool. Thanks, James Adcock.

Carrying with us our Arts and Crafts mantra and thus trying to have nothing in our home that isn't useful or beautiful (don't ask how I made the cut) we have entered the world of sofa-beds, integrated kitchen appliances and flat-screen TVs. We do already have some pleasing quiet corners though, with a few more to come.

Minimalism is a bit of a reach from here, see kitchen picture, but the next month sees the premier of Ruthlessness II; this time it's serious.

Thought for the Day

As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning. Someone had decided to include 'Area Dean of Portishead' as part of my biography and introduction. Journalists eh? They find stuff out. To which presenter Emma added 'King of Portishead' later, which I'm not sure is quite in keeping with the Church of England's desired humility from its ministers so let's move on:

I was listening to some pastors from the States. The conversation turned to church-growth.

I have a vested interest in this question. I am trying to grow a church but am doing it without having a building. In addition to Trendlewood Church I now have some responsibility for a second one that doesn't have a building - it's a congregation that meets in the parish of St Andrew's, Backwell once a month, so we've christened it 'Andy's'. Both Trendlewood and Andy's meet in schools.

My American buddies explained that when their churches got too big for the buildings they started in they bought some land on the edge of town and built a new one. Everything's bigger in the States. There's room.

Not so easy here, as any conversation about a new piece of infrastructure will tell you. In a country where loads of people have nowhere to sleep a stadium is hosting a sleep-out, whilst planning an Arena which will welcome 4000 people eventually.

We forget that every church in this country, yes every single one, was once planted. The Christian faith was fundamentally nomadic. 'Foxes have holes and birds have nests but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head' said Jesus once. But, someone remarked at a preachers group I was at on Monday evening, even the stories Jesus told were about land ownership, gates and wells. We settle down. We get cozy.

The Christian faith has got a bit comfy in its buildings, although that might be the worst choice of word I've ever made for some of the pews I've experienced.

But don't we all find it hard to walk away from what we have set in stone and start something new.

Advent Thought 20

I swear we only really get to grips with the fridges and the freezer at Christmas. Today, answering the question 'Do we need to get some more butter?' rather than simply putting 'butter' on the shopping list, because you can always use butter, we actually bothered to check.

Well it turns out we don't. We have enough.

In trying to survive whatever version of the apocalypse comes our way next March I feel sure that there will be enough in already opened jars and packets in the corner of the fridge to keep us going.

We've become quite good at not wasting food, but clearly not good enough. We are so wealthy there is food we forgot we had.

What do you have too much of?

Advent Thought 10

This little alarm cost me £5 about 20 years ago. Many of the function buttons now demonstrate age - for instance I can only scroll through numbers in one direction. If I wake before it is due to go off and want to disable it then removing and replacing the battery is the quickest way.

It has one major attribute which I like in an alarm. If it does reach the designated time it can be silenced with a smart blow to the top. Being capable of being hit and surviving is an essential feature, in my opinion, not just for an alarm clock but for all humans.

It has a second redeeming quality. It is part of the furniture. I know how to deal with it in the dark.

Recently the Mike Tyson boxing strategy was revisited in the light of the rebirth of Tyson Fury. Tyson (M) said that everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.

Well, now is the time to wake out of sleep, preferably without being punched in the face or hit over the head. My alarm clock has survived the relentless onslaught of TCMT's visual merchandising of my entire life.

Today's pondering. Style or function? Which cuts the mustard for you?

Advent Thought 9

No-one can ever find the garage light switch. It's the middle one of these three as you come into my study. All our houses have quirky bits that only the initiates can understand.

Are you looking for a switch to turn your life on but worried that anything Christian might be too weird? I have news. It's quirky outside as well as in. Bring your quirks, mix them with ours add a touch of Jesus and watch things illuminate.

Remember to turn the lights off when leaving. We never do.

Advent Thought 7

As someone said the other day, 'They've put the decorations up while Chris Rea is still looking for his car keys.' It's worse than that. Chris Rea's family haven't even finalised the arrangements for Christmas.

So, as the cul-de-sac opposite which I live makes its renewed attempt to be a Nailsea street which gets visited because of the splendour of its lights, even the street light outside my house is out. Don't tell. We sleep better when it's broken.

Yet in the dark streets shineth...

This year we have gone for tokenism. Our young friend Elliott makes reindeer each Christmas. I think Dad does a lot of the work.

This is Ron, an early arrival at the Christmas Ball. He is waiting by the fire. I like to think he is getting prepared not being decorative. As should we.

We will put up a tree, in the front window, next week. It will be splendid. How good are you at waiting when everybody else isn't?

Advent Thought 6

There is a certain necessity of patience about an orchid. Fragile, delicate and beautiful, this one thrives in a warm bathroom. The petals look lovely for a while and then gradually drop off. At this point all you can do is wait. It is resting. It is gathering up its botanical willpower to go again. You have to resist the desire to over-water it during this waiting time. Orchids don't exactly thrive on neglect but putting them in the right place is very important. Once that is done they are easy to care for. That window stays shut in the cold weather.

Your poinsettias may win the Christmas beauty pageant, but the orchid will be back.

If your life is in an ugly place right now you might have to wait it out for a bit before it can be beautiful (again).

And if you've been busy flowering for a long while then take some Advent time to build up your strength. Preferably before bits begin to drop off, in your case.

Advent Thought 3

One of the things I have learnt from my visual-merchandiser wife, and endless TV design shows, is a nice little trick of bringing the outside space in. Match the autumn colours of the garden with the colours of the conservatory and you will feel as if you are in a bigger space.

I was quite pleased with this bowl of autumnal Virginia Creeper leaves a few weeks ago but the garden has moved on and soon, so must the mood in the house. It is now December and the indoor space will turn first wintry inside and then Christmassy (but not for a couple of weeks yet).

We are in Advent - a now and not yet moment. To some extent we always are. We know a deeper truth but we also know it is to be concluded. We sit here with memories of a past and hopes for a future.

Whether or not your vision for the future revolves around the person of Jesus and how he revealed God to the world, be ever mindful that your past in memories and future in hopes both exist here, now. We are upside down, outside in, future past and whole.

Maybe a bowl of dust on the table would be appropriate.

Thought for the Day

As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning, a day when they were discussing a joint meeting of four local councils to consider future housing needs in the area:

The Canadian author Douglas Coupland said:

'When someone tells you they've just bought a house, they might as well tell you they no longer have a personality. You can immediately assume so many things: that they're locked into jobs they hate; that they're broke; that they spend every night watching videos; that they're fifteen pounds overweight, that they no longer listen to new ideas.'

It's amazing, with publicity like that, anyone would want to settle. But we need somewhere to live.

I grew up in a house my parents inherited from my grandfather, a man I never met. He went to prison for business fraud. I was in my mid-forties before I realised I may have benefited from the proceeds of crime. My Dad had never spoken of it.

Jesus, equally down on homes, is reported as saying, 'Foxes have holes and birds have nests but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.' Emphasising that the lot of a travelling preacher is much more about faith in God for food and shelter than about home-owning. Not living the dream but certainly living the message. And he knew - people are more suspicious of travellers than settlers.

Where should we put new homes? I don't know but I'm glad it's being discussed. I was fortunate growing up and feel for those who want a place of their own.

The Bible speaks of welcome, hospitality to the stranger and inclusivity as key Christian values. I commend everyone to drop any knee-jerk opposition to newcomers. Nimbyism is selfish and, just maybe, a sign that Coupland was right. If once we've settled down we become reluctant to invite new people, with new ideas to join us - we shouldn't.

Thought for the Day

As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning:





I am interested in the continuing conversation about people feeling forced to move out of their council homes because of an empty bedroom.





I was at a conference last week for pioneers. Maybe you wonder, 'Isn't a pioneer an old-time prospector saying 'There's gold in them there hills. I'm going to get me some?''





Or an army team, building bridges and roads so others can advance.





People who go on ahead. Yupp. Churches in this country are investing in pioneers. Who do not work within traditional models of buildings with spires or towers but with people, engaging where they are.





It is part of what I do, which is why I was at the conference.





Once you build you can forget that the church is nomadic - on the move looking to share and grow. But I do have a nice home - a safe place where I can rest, feed and restore my soul.





On the road, Jesus responded to a questioner saying 'The son of man has nowhere to lay his head.' His journey was to his death. His followers were volunteers. Still are.





We like settling down. To feel at home. We feel affronted if forced to move. Or someone finds gas under our house, or builds pylons at the bottom of the garden. It almost touches our very soul; our safe place. No-one wants to be made to up sticks.





If you are struggling with this right now, or know someone who is, I offer my prayers. The pioneering spirit has to be a personal decision. There is a big difference between being a pioneer and a refugee.

A Nomadic People

I write a regular piece for Urban Saints as part of their excellent Energize material for youth and children's groups. If you haven't come across it I do commend it to you.

The particular thing I do is to produce a study based on an item in the news. Although you will need to subscribe to get the full benefit, you can browse the site. Recent studies have been on riots, Libya, Egypt, that Royal wedding and the Japanese tsunami. Topical stuff.

Last week they asked me to do some thinking on the Dale Farm eviction. That is the slightly surreal story of the travellers who want to stay where they are.

I do not want to steal my own thunder but just to say that the biblical material was fascinating. What right have any of us got, if we place our citizenship in heaven, to say we have arrived anywhere? We are all nomads. We have been ever since Abram heard God tell him to go somewhere else. We are a pilgrim people descended from a pilgrim people. So although from time to time some settle down and stay put others continue on missionary journeys.

Some members of the Dale Farm community have probably broken some laws, or done somethings without formal permission. Basildon Council doesn't exactly come out of the affair smelling of roses though.

The fewer travellers there are the rarer the land, in a densely populated country, on which they might make their temporary home. There's the rub.

Five Year Service

I received an interesting email this week. It was from the Diocesan Office and said:

Your Quinquennial is due this year and I would like to arrange for the Surveyor to visit you on Thursday 6 October at 10 a.m. to carry out the Quinquennial.

Please would you kindly let me know if this is convenient, if not would you let me know what dates and times after that date would be more suitable.
 
A quinquennial is a five year check. Of course I wrote back immediately and asked if the surveyor would be doing the house at the same time, which was confirmed. But wouldn't it be brilliant if all clergy were required to undergo a thorough five year assessment to see if we were still fit for purpose and what cracks have appeared that need fixing?

Cleaning

How do you divide up the responsibilities in your household. Respect, by the way to the single out there and especially the single parents. Divide? What's that?

We have seen our life change from a time when one of us did almost all the household tasks while the other went out to work, to a time where things have almost completely swapped round except that we both work full-time.

So we've employed a cleaner. Two actually. Why is this so weird? I recall my Mum running round the house tidying up before Mrs Kinchin came. Does employing someone to clean cause all sorts of 'I can't cope but I should be able to' thoughts?

For me it is weird because cleaning was one of the things my partner used to do. It's a long story but she has higher standards than me, is better at it and is not allergic to house dust. I can give good hoover though.

Thing is, now one and half hours of Wednesday morning are spent with S and L wandering round the house cleaning it for me, it has become my responsibility because I have to supervise. I have to say if a loo has not been cleaned to my satisfaction or I can still see a grease mark on the hob. I have to take responsibility for low standards even though any standards are higher than mine by and large. If they don't clean up after me properly I can moan but that doesn't seem fair. Even though I remind myself I am paying for this service it still strikes me that I am being unreasonable.

Nothing against L and S either who are good company, polite, punctual and helpful. It's just that I don't like complaining. A restaurant experience in which I have had to complain is, for me worse, than one in which I have coped with less than adequate food. So my ideal cleaner relationship would be one in which they came when I was out and I offered feedback by email. Gosh I can be complex.

Two words

I have two words for you. The order is important but I'll let you sort it. They concern the house we will be living in from the autumn. The lovely house we will be living in. The five bedroom, three loo, two bathroom house with a conservatory the size of a basketball court. It'll be great and there's loads of room for guests, passers by, hangers on and the homeless from the surrounding villages. OK the lead-light windows are imitation. So what? The beech flooring is laminate. Bothered. You see the words, and with these we have I think finally achieved what they call 'arrival' in true and real verifiable suburbia, are...

Wait for it...

Bit longer...

Mock and Tudor.

So I lied. That is the order.

The whole of St Paul's is invited to afternoon tea on the way down to the Parish Weekend in November. We'll entertain you in, hmm let me think, oh I know, half the conservatory.

Don't steal our crab apples now. I'm watching.

And I'll have a secret study. Liz can have a study/dressing room. Then we can have a guest room, a bedroom for us (or shall we have one each?) and the last room, currently occupied by a gothteen (pile of black clothes draped over an amp) could be the library.

We'll be needing a labrador again I expect. And a second car if we aren't to stand out as weird. It's described as an ideal family home so I'm off to buy a vasectomy reversal kit.

Gosh this is exciting.

Ha ha Henry you fat git. I'm getting the hang of this Tudor mocking.

82, Leicester Street

My new job will be announced on Sunday. Good job because it's getting to the point where I've told so many people I can't remember who I've told and who I haven't.

But the things to do list now starts with 'Sell house' so here is an advance call to anyone who wants to make us an offer on a 3/4 bedroom terrace in North Leamington in good general order but in need of a bit of basic maintenance/checking over.

House is spread over three floors with the ground at different levels on opposite sides of the house, so you come in, go downstairs and go out into the garden. It's not that complex; it's built on the side of a hill.

It has been a great place to finish raising a family. Neighbours both sides are really nice and kind. It has lots of small rooms for people who like their own hideaway space. Currently we have it set up as:

Top floor:
2 bedrooms, 1 a double
a room for Mrs T to get dressed in which has been a bedroom once
loo
bathroom/shower

Middle floor:
hall
double bedroom
study
lounge

Bottom floor:
living room/diner
kitchen
second loo
large cellar storage room

Wanna negotiate early and we'll make an allowance for the maintenance that needs doing?

If a St Paul's family wanted it we'd be as supportive as we could be. No upward chain. Vacant possession from late September.