Booze Cruise?

Last Saturday's Guardian Money headlined the advantages of the booze cruise and the bargains to be had.

One of its examples was a Chilean Sauvignon Blanc, £6.50 in M and S and £1.30 in Pidou, Calais. What a bargain.

Hang on a second. Or, for ever.

If a bottle of wine can be sold for £1.30 and merchant, distributor, bottler and vineyard all make some money - what is the value of the contents? No more than 30p I'd warrant and that is generous of me.

Now I like a good Sauvignon Blanc but I like to taste something more than the chill. And despite my lack of ability in the tasting department I like to know that the contents are not doing me harm. At 30p a bottle I am not wholly convinced.

Beer Off

As you travel the country you find that there are strange local names for the:

• Off Licence
• Offie
• Outdoor
• Beer Off

Well a new one (to me) has opened in Backwell, almost opposite the Spar. It seems to have a good selection of wines and some fine local beers and ciders. I've just purchased some interesting bottles of Gorge Best Cheddar Ale and some equally wonderful Spring Loaded Glastonbury Ale.

The very good news - 2% discount for cash.

The very bad news, and talking of puns for names - it's called Aimee's Wine House.

I shall drink in memory of my friend John Rankin who died on Monday. Obituary to follow.

Tilley leaves Stains

When I was a young teenager I played music with a couple of mates. We called ourselves the Gravystains. All songs ended with that mash-up of excessive noise until the drummer indicated that we should finish. Sadly we had no drummer. Sid, the guitarist, suggested that I should leave the band so that the title of this post could become a newspaper headline. We never performed apart from in my parents' lounge when they were out and we never made lines let alone head ones.

But I do leave stains a lot. Only the other day, in trying to help Mrs M clear up a minor red wine spill, I exacerbated it into a major red wine incident.

Since the last red wine fight, when redecorating of walls became necessary - it costs to live in a cool, neutral-coloured environment - we have discovered a new product. It is called Wineaway and it does what it says. Carpets, clothes and curtains are all pristine.

If you are as clumsy as us you will wish to invest.