Bath and Wells Clergy Gathering

I was asked for my reflections on why the Gathering (deliberately not called a conference) of Bath and Wells diocesan clergy at Swanwick this week was so good. And you know, it's a hard question to answer.

I can immediately think of one thing that wasn't as good as last time and two things that were dreadfully cringy but somehow these didn't matter. I may not mention them.

Let's have a go at why that was. In no particular order:

Having no diocesan bishop takes the pressure off people to show-off or have someone they are trying to impress. We were told, back in July, that it was hoped our new appointment might be sorted by the time of the gathering so we could at least hear the name used for the first time. This didn't happen and, apart from a few jokes (the absent bishop has been referred to as Bishop Kevin for a while now) was not mentioned. But it does make our diocese a place of hope and expectation.

The organising group went to some trouble to include everyone. There were quiet spaces and discussions, a very noisy multi-media Eucharist and a quiet spoken one, a lively bar (which now has real ale on hand-pump) and a saunter (a solo outdoor prayer walk), many symbolic acts in a closing Eucharist but also a poet in residence all week. We had some simple gifts in our rooms to welcome us and an A4 pad with logo and pen.

A gathering is a different thing to a conference. We met. We shared stories without offering judgement or advice. Lots of the input was affirming and encouraging. By and large we know that our diocese needs some serious strategic leadership and cannot continue with clergy spread so thinly. We didn't need challenging.

We are a diocese with problems but we are at ease with ourselves. There is no constant bickering between the boys in black and the Hezbollah conservatives. Dog collars were not worn on day two. No-one seemed to have any issues sitting next to anyone else.

The boat was pushed out for a last night gala dinner and the Bishop of Taunton put wine on all the tables.

We took coffee in a separate room to our meal each evening with an amusing after-dinner speaker. This kept things light.

John Bell and Timothy Radcliffe were good main speakers full of earthed stories but taking biblical texts seriously enough not to upset evangelicals (I write as one who has largely ditched labels - you watch me for a bit and tell me what you think I am). OK, I heard of one who got annoyed (there's always one) and an archdeacon gave him (it's always him) a good listening to.

There was a flash mob. It included the Bishop of Taunton.

Every time I walk into Swanwick (after my ten years of conference organising at CPAS) I rejoice at not being in charge. I was on the planning group for the last diocesan conference in 2008. The centre is well-run and professional. Rooms are good.

Three gathering group sessions enabled us to share our stories and experiences with a smaller group.

There were no feedback forms to fill in. Feedback was asked for via a graffiti wall.

At three nights and two full days (Monday afternoon to Thursday lunchtime) it was long enough to get to know a few people and not feel guilty at sitting by them twice.

Most of the things were voluntary. If you want to refresh a gathering you have to be willing to let the gathering set the agenda and not impose one on them. No-one likes to be told 'Here is how you're going to relax.'

All this feels a bit thin by way of reasoning but that may simply mean the success is down to act of God, which wouldn't exactly be a bad thing.

The organising committee got one of the longest, and most heartfelt, rounds of applause I have experienced in thirty years of clergy conferences.

Diocesan News

A few years ago I decided not to join any Christian organisation except the Church of England. It seemed to me that every time someone had a beef about anything a pressure group was being formed. And all extra-curricular activities were being run by separate organisations rather than churches.

ABWON, MORIB, EGGS, Reform, FIF, New Wine, Eclectics and others all sought my membership or support at some time or other. Bonus mark if you can remember what they all are.

One of the troubles with all this is that organisations set up to support the Church of England ended up setting up parallel structures and programmes, then left you feeling guilty if you didn't do their thing. This is a bold statement from an ex-employee of CPAS but trust me when I say I never, in my ten years helping churches with youthwork, lost sight of the fact that it was the churches' agenda which was leading us; not vice versa.

So I am excited about Holy Trinity and Trendlewood's vision to be a hub of help to other churches in the south-west. Our Trinity Project is not about buildings but about collecting together plant, kit and expertise that can resource others if they want it.

In that context it is important that we tie ourselves into a bigger structure and that structure should be the Church of England. So I really want to encourage my local followers to be enthusiastic readers of Diocesan communication - e-bulletins, Connect, Manna (the magazine) all do a discreet job and will be the better if we engage with them. Swamp the diocesan communications office with correspondence.

You might start with the diocesan web-site. Click here to give it a viewing and tell them what you think. Don't mince words. We're all pretty thick-skinned. We? Yes, I have a bit to do with all this and can't think of any way of making it better other than getting quality feedback.

Five Year Service

I received an interesting email this week. It was from the Diocesan Office and said:

Your Quinquennial is due this year and I would like to arrange for the Surveyor to visit you on Thursday 6 October at 10 a.m. to carry out the Quinquennial.

Please would you kindly let me know if this is convenient, if not would you let me know what dates and times after that date would be more suitable.
 
A quinquennial is a five year check. Of course I wrote back immediately and asked if the surveyor would be doing the house at the same time, which was confirmed. But wouldn't it be brilliant if all clergy were required to undergo a thorough five year assessment to see if we were still fit for purpose and what cracks have appeared that need fixing?

Diocesan Central

At a recent Chapter meeting I wrote down a quote by a guest speaker from Head Office, as it were:

'Some people in the Diocese may feel that they are a bit far from Wells and might be overlooked.'

It was identified as something that might be a bad thing. It got me pondering that I could think of nothing better than being in a parish a Diocesan office might largely ignore. Here we are, the other side of the Mendips from Wells, a place the railways don't reach, and far nearer Bristol Cathedral (8 miles) than Wells (23). People identify with Bristol as a place to work, shop, eat and do leisure things.

It is lovely to be an outpost of Bath and Wells. I hope nobody wants to know too much about what we do. We are effective but of course that is because we are mainly illegal, in Anglican terms. Forms of service, robes, office-saying - all treated laxly. We pay our share, generously. The Diocese don't have to leave us alone, we like them to care, but we love the absence of meddling. Am I evil?

2009

In 2009 the Diocese of Bath and Wells will be 1100 years old. Founded towards the end of what archaeologists like to call the Dark Ages, and forgetting for a moment that there are bits of the Diocese that are still in the Dark Ages ecclesiologically, we will have been around for 1100 years.

To celebrate, Bishops will walk the bounds (going cautiously around the Longleat lion enclosure, no Daniels here), Glastonbury will host a celebration of great joy and probably a fair bit of poncing about in finery as it will be expected by some, a special beer will be brewed (more like it) and here in Nailsea we'll, we'll, we'll...

Well what? As Hope08 segues into Despair09 (this joke (C) Matt Clucas 2008) how will we celebrate? Any ideas please.

Here's my thought, although I promise I'm not just asking for your ideas in order to tell you how good mine is.

Could we find 1100 local Christians to pray together for 1100 seconds (just under 20 minutes) in Millennium Park? It would be tight. I reckon our churches are in touch with about 900.

Changing Lives

Apparently, in a moment of cogency between the drugs wearing off and the alcohol cutting in, I said this recently, about various Christian ministries in the Diocese:

If it won't change lives, don't do it.
If it will change lives, start it.
If it's not changing lives, stop it.

I think it's rather good but I'd forgotten I said it. Thanks David for reminding me.

This is not a conversation?

A novitiate monk, having taken a vow of silence, was told that he could talk but once a year, to the abbot. At the end of twelve months he entered the abbot's study and was invited to speak. 'Well,' he said 'I've had an excellent twelve months and I find the contemplative life very agreeable but I wonder if there is something you could do about the porridge at breakfast. It is terribly lumpy.' The abbot promised to attend to it.

After a second year the same opportunity arose. This time the novice suggested that the porridge had been over-thinned and was now too sloppy. Again the abbot promised action.

By year three the porridge was too sweet and by year four too salty.

The novice was looking forward to taking full and lifelong orders but was shocked to discover the abbot was not recommending this. At his five year interview he was dismissed because he was constantly complaining.

To Keynsham today then for a 'Conversation morning' with my Bishops. Makes me sound jolly privileged but I have to tell you there were 80 of us there. All privileged then. Gosh I can creep.

Bishops Peter Price and Peter Maurice (Bishops Peter? The Bishops Peter? Peters the Bishop? Peter our Bishops? Help) are giving four mornings aside to discussing with diocesan clergy the progress of the Changing Lives project into which I appear to have parachuted.

I think the collective noun for a group of clergy should be something along the lines of a prattle, or a cynicism. One recently ordained woman came up to me afterwards and asked if I had any advice as to how she might avoid turning out like the rest of them. I think there may have been a compliment, or perhaps even a chat-up line, hiding in there somewhere.

So we had an introduction setting out some starting points in terms of values and then a time in groups, as a result of which the things our group wanted to say, and the things we wanted to say as individuals (we had been warned to prepare for this) were annotated onto Post-it notes and placed on tables.

The promise was that the notes would be read, grouped and responded to; some immediately, others over a period of time. I went and read them during the coffee break. Given the opportunity to express thoughts of great grandeur and clarity to two bishops who had promised to listen, someone had used their Post-it note to write, 'This is not a conversation...'

I avoided the temptation to write, 'Why do you say that?' on a note underneath.

I acknowledge an occasional outbreak of cynicism and prattling but please, brother and sister clergy, if the Bishop phones don't spend the whole conversation telling him he never calls.

The porridge may be lumpy, salty, sloppy or sweet but is it just possible there are more important things to say when the occasional opportunity arises?

Bishops and Lions

It is the source of some amusement in the Diocese right now that the Bishops' plan to celebrate the 1100th birthday of the diocese is being slightly hindered by the news that the boundary may well go through the lion enclosure at Longleat. Even if this isn't true the narrative demands at this point that we proceed as if it is.

Some have indeed said that any bishop unable to walk safely through a den of lions should not really be in the post anyway. We need more Bishops Daniel. Maybe it would be a use for Paul Daniels? It would be a better interview technique would it not? 'Before we proceed with the questions we'd like to take you on a short walk around the diocese.' Excuse me. For a moment there, in a flight of fancy, I imagined that bishops were interviewed.

Still, being the big chief gives you the power to delegate so the Diocesan Missioner and the Diocesan Secretary have been given the task of investigating the exact position of the Diocesan boundary between now and the walk. So far they have only been lost in a ditch once, and a relatively wild-cat free place it turned out to be, if a little muddy. Wouldn't the Diocesan Surveyor have been a useful member of the team? I only ask.

The Diocese of Bath and Wells was formed when Sherbourne (must check spelling) Diocese was divided into three (Salisbury, Exeter, B&W) 1098 years ago. I once worked in a church founded in 883 (St Mary and St Cuthbert, Chester-le-Street) but an administrative structure that dates back to pre-Norman times is a survivor and no mistake.

Perhaps we should have all the Salisbury clergy and the B&W clergy face each other across the bounds in a 'come and have a go if you think you're hard enough' way. I'd be delighted to bring up the rear.

Good morning.

My Job

I was Associate Minister at St Paul's Leamington Spa. I am now Associate Vicar in the Nailsea Local Ministry Group. Now this is meaningless mumbo-jumbo to many but since publishing it is simply a matter of cutting and pasting there is very little reason to get it wrong.

I think the problem comes when people try to understand the words and rephrase them in language they think will help others. Then that translation gets translated back into ecclesiastispeak and soon it is all a load of small spherical fleshy dangly bits.

I have ignored one or two minor errors, although I know it upsets the people of the other churches in the Local Minstry Group to see me described only as Associate Vicar at Holy Trinity. Rightly so too. But the prize for the most wrong so far is the description of my former post as 'Honorary Curate' allied to the error about only being at Holy Trinity.

And the publication which made the error? The Grapevine - Official Newspaper of the Bath and Wells Diocese. This may take some time.

New to the Diocese

Where do we stand on socks people? In a rather tedious moment of a reasonably illuminating introduction to the Diocese, including the first time I have ever had lunch in a Palace by invitation, I noticed that almost half the male participants had failed to give any attention to the colour of their socks in relation to the hue of either their shoes or their trousers. Or, worryingly, had given it attention and I was observing the results.

Does this matter? Well I think it does and so does Father Ted and if he and I agree about something then it has to be right.

Quote of the day. 'If you try something and it doesn't work, pick yourself up and we will help you, dust you down and defend you. If you're a complete ass it makes it more difficult for us' (Archdeacon of Taunton). It's a slightly up-tempo version of Kazuo Ishiguro's 'If one has failed only where others have not had the courage or will to try, there is a consolation...' from An Artist of the Floating World. This idea of dignified failure has been a theme of my life for the last twenty years. Lovely to be in a diocese that salutes that.

Had to get up early to go to Wells for this training day so thanks very much for the concern. No mushroom problems.