Downsizing

We've been down-sizing. Naively we thought moving to a house half the size of our big vicarage meant only taking half our furniture. If you read no further paragraphs and want a single take-away from this piece please note that furniture designed for big rooms can't make that journey. Doing what we have done you will need to get rid of most of your furniture and purchase smaller pieces.

Over the years we have collected several items in pine and these created the theme of our last two homes. I wrote only this summer about the lovely old ironmonger's counter units we had procured, with the stated hope that we could keep them. In fact we gave two to our younger son and his family and brought two with us. A couple of weeks into living here in our new home and we worked out they were too big for the space. Also, surprisingly, it turns out that a big part of liking them was the space in which they lived. Without wishing to sound pretentious, this is not a pine house. It has a sleeker, more modern vibe. No carpets downstairs. Wood painted black,. Blinds not curtains. And the usual modern bathroom accessories that are a triumph of style over function.

Our last two houses have been big. Our Victorian terrace in Leamington had three floors,  many rooms and decent high ceilings. Our modern vicarage in Nailsea had a couple of huge spaces in which ordinary furniture got lost. Our conservatory alone had a four seater corner sofa, the biggest of the old counter-cupboards and a dining table that seated twelve, comfortably. There were two further sofas in the lounge. Fate of the older one is pictured.

There is a modicum of truth in the saying that clergy are middle-class people in upper class houses on lower-class salaries.

One of my main sources of joy in an ordinary week is the FT Weekend glossy supplement HTSI. It used to be called How To Spend It which is a big clue as to what it might be like. The first six pages are usually double-page promotionals for watches. No, not Swatches.

It is not devoid of ideas for the cute use of space, something we are working very hard on just now. This week there was a special focus on someone who has chosen to live in an open-plan cave. Not an actual cave but a purpose-built one. The pictures of the accommodation are beautiful and could probably manage well enough without being described as '...an organic celebration of the curvilinear.' We learn that open-plan living 'requires a robust approach to one's ablutions'. Yes folks, in this space everyone can hear you stream. Anyone got the number for Private Eye's Pseuds' Corner?

The HTSI subjects have a lot of space.  We don't. So we have spent five weeks carefully monitoring dead space where things might be kept. We need to lose one more pine unit completely and a huge pine dresser which we spent real  money on in 1984. One further shop display case can stay but needs painting to blend in. The last of the four old counter units is going in the garage as useful storage.

Yesterday we threw more money at a bespoke shelving solution (sorry, I've caught pretentiousness now) than we spent on each of our first three cars, even allowing for inflation. Turns out that making things small, compact and beautiful is expensive. And meeting a wonderful local carpenter gave us a couple of ideas for space-saving which we hadn't thought of. Can't quite afford Scooby Doo wardrobe doors but they are enticingly cool. Thanks, James Adcock.

Carrying with us our Arts and Crafts mantra and thus trying to have nothing in our home that isn't useful or beautiful (don't ask how I made the cut) we have entered the world of sofa-beds, integrated kitchen appliances and flat-screen TVs. We do already have some pleasing quiet corners though, with a few more to come.

Minimalism is a bit of a reach from here, see kitchen picture, but the next month sees the premier of Ruthlessness II; this time it's serious.

Why is There Something?

I love the idea, widely being talked about as a result of Stephen Hawking's latest publication and conversation, that the universe bears witness to its own self-creation. The complex physics and maths necessary to grasp this so-called M-theory (no-one is quite sure what the M stands for) are only understood by a very few theoretical physicists in the world. As far as I (O level physics 1971 - fail) grasp it, the existence of a vast number of other universes is implied by the maths.

I do find it fascinating that the never-ending, never-starting universe is both more complex and more simple than we could ever imagine. And I am appalled at the inadequate understanding of the creator and sustainer of the universe that this theory should be alleged to disprove such.

Back in the 1960s, theologians got to grips with the increasing reduction of the size of God caused by childish Christian philosophy and scientific progress. If God is only what remains when you have explained everything you can, then it is not surprising that that God gets smaller and smaller as progress is made. Such a God is like something which slipped down the back of the sofa never to be seen again. In fact the 'God of the gaps' is no understanding of God at all.

Every children's Christian action-song seems to have some way to suggest that God is pretty big. The observation that you don't need an understanding of God to explain how the universe works doesn't mean there is no God. It is a logic-failure of massive proportions. Christians are often criticised, rightly, for saying 'because God could have done something he did do something, therefore the Bible is history, Adam and Eve were real and we can carry on looking for Noah's Ark.' Or some such. M-theory says, 'God needn't have been involved in this process, so wasn't.' God is big, right?

I agree that the creationist bubble gets well and truly pricked by this latest round of thinking. And by creationist I mean all young and young(ish) earth theories. All Christians are creationist to some extent because we believe there is a God who is involved in and somehow loves creation and creativity.

Psalm 14 says 'the fool has said in his heart 'there is no God.'' However clever he might be, whatever unbelievable progress he has made almost single-handedly to fathoming the mysteries of the universe(s), the judgement of Scripture is that Stephen Hawking is a fool.

Once upon a time Hawking said, '...if we do discover a complete theory ... Then we shall all, philosophers, scientists, and just ordinary people, be able to take part in the discussion of the question of why it is that we and the universe exist. If we find the answer to that, it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason - for then we would know the mind of God.'

This was the final paragraph of A Brief History of Time. Looks like he has changed his mind. Well if he can do that once...

Us Christians do talk disappointing clap-trap about our faith. Maybe we ought to go back to the foot of the mountain and leave God in awe and mystery for a few hundred years. Until the fuss has died down.

London 2012

No don't glaze over. New slant coming up. Promise.

This blog does not really concern itself with design matters. Not even having a colour memory I have concentrated mainly on painting word pictures. But many of the blogs I visit have had something to say about this new logo for the London Olympics.

Steve Clarke is unhappy but Dave Walker likes it. In the media the discussion has been about the £400,000 it cost to arrive at this result and since I know a little about the work that may have gone on to justify that fee let me explain.

First up it is important to respond to the, 'My little sister could have done that' school of criticism. She didn't. Art is owned. The artist produces and may then choose to sell. Your little sister didn't get the commission so she couldn't have done it.

But let's be lenient and assume your little sister did a nice little drawing. Here's the problem. The Olympic Games is the biggest multi-cultural international event on the planet. And around the world different cultures represent different things differently. Are you sure your sister's drawing doesn't spell out 'Bastard' in Polynesian? Does it (accidentally of course who would doubt your little sister's integrity?) include a symbol that is Japanese for penis? Are those colours the southern ocean community's recognised depiction of the death penalty?

Well probably not, but you do need to check. And that costs money.

As to the complaint that the logo, once animated, may cause epilepsy. Lots of things might. That is why warnings are given at shows, movies or gigs where such effects as strobe lighting are used. The failure to issue a warning, if that was indeed the case, was not the fault of the logo designers.

OK I'm having a day off today so I think I'll play with my willy; my 1966 World Cup Willy. He's a lion on a ball-bearing and jolly nice he is too. Times change don't they?

By the way did anyone else notice the remarkable resonance between the style of the logo and the geometric and vibrant work of Hélio Oiticica on display in ‘The Body of Colour’ at Tate Modern until 23rd September? Thought not.

Buttons

It is very annoying when the petrol gauge warning light, or other similarly important detail on the dashboard, is right behind your thumbs in your preferred driving position.

At South Bristol crematorium the button to descend the catafalque is out of your eyesight once you are standing at the lectern. I felt for the button as I read the committal and found two. I had to manouevre myself back until I could see the first three letters on the label c...a... t... so I pressed it and all was well. Away went the coffin. The other button turns the lights off. Commit the body for cremation and plunge the service leader into darkness; only slightly less bad than running out of petrol on the motorway eh?

Curtains

Whilst William Morris had some exellent ideas, and indeed we used to own a three piece suite with his design on the loose covers, whoever felt it a good idea to put thin tramlines of a William Morris design lengthways, on a cream background in a full 12 foot drop set of curtains? A church hall fabric committee, that's who. Do all such committees shop at 'Outrageous ideas are us'?

Time for them to pull themselves together.

Short Essay on Stupidity

I have written before about the examples of stupidity demonstrated by the Great British Public (GBP) in making retail purchases. Two from the past which spring to mind are:

What is the difference between a 7 inch light shade and an 8 inch?
Will this table cloth fit my table at home?

We now have some lovely conservatory furniture which Liz tracked down and captured due to her job. The fine oak table we now have has some lovely natural markings, knots and blemishes which really give it character. 'Those are the sort of things that people complain about and return the product,' she tells me.

It transpires that, in order to avoid confusing the GBP there is a sign which accompanies all the real wood products on show saying something such as, 'Wood is a natural substance and as such there may be some colour discrepancies between the product on show and the product delivered. Furthermore there may be some natural blemishes in the appearance of the product.'

We are so stupid, the GBP, that we have to be told that there is a real danger wood may look like er, wood. No such trouble with MDF is there?