Losing It

A word of advice to businesses who get enquiries from stupid customers which are nothing to do with a transaction; how you deal with such queries will help your sales. A story:

Last Friday TCMT lost her wallet. It had either been stolen (but no use had been made of her credit cards) or left at a particular place. We had only been to one place where she used her wallet.

A phone call to this place received the response, 'No-one can help until Monday.' Detecting that this was slightly less than helpful she decided to pay a personal visit, a ten mile drive. After all it only had to be established clearly that they did not have the wallet there and it was time to be cancelling credit cards.

They were slightly more enthusiastic but insisted the wallet had not been handed in. They allowed her to escort them to the place where her wallet might have been lost. It wasn't there. Whilst waiting for one assistant to get another to help she heard herself described thus, 'It's that stupid woman again'.

She returned home and once more we turned the house and car upside down. No joy. Then bank cards were cancelled and an awkward thirty minutes was spent trying to replace only one of our two cards on our National Trust account (we are planning to visit a lot of properties next week).

The main sadness for TCMT was that the wallet was a gift from a son and much cherished.

This was the day before our ruby wedding anniversary and we had planned to spend it chilling and enjoying each other's company. The lost wallet took the edge off it.

The next day, Sunday, we felt a bit better and returned home after a morning out to a voice-mail message from the place that had assured us it didn't have the wallet and couldn't help until Monday. It had the wallet and had called on a Sunday.

It had been put somewhere it shouldn't have been put by the person who had found it on Friday evening. Nothing sinister. Just incompetence.

Losing a wallet can happen to anyone. It is a one-off stupid act. In failing to help us the place we lost it has won the stupid battle at least 3-1. And we would, if we had been really helped, have been singing the praise of the establishment that understood the predicament. As it is we preserve their anonymity.

It's a nice wallet, sentiment is resurrected and replacement cards have arrived.

Thought for the Day

As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning:

'Our youth love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, disrespect for older people. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble their food and tyrannise their teachers.'

So said Socrates in the sixth century BCE.

So the police have sent out guidance to schools to pass on to parents about anti social behaviour during the summer holidays.

Where I grew up a ditch separated the back gardens of two rows of houses behind my home. One game was trying to get from the bottom of the hill to the top by navigating the ditch, occasionally crossing gardens when it became private property.

In the school holidays my friend and I tried to do this but reached a garden where an owner was outside.

Waiting on the corrugated roof of a shed for the coast to be clear (as you do) I became aware of a creaking sound. This turned to a cracking noise and I plummeted into the shed through the collapsing roof.

A belated apology to the owners of number approximately 24 Serpentine Road for the shed reduction provision.

Most of us did something in our teenage years that, if caught, would have seen us charged with anti-social behaviour.

The school holidays are times for exploring barriers - adventures stopping one short of mischief. We will do well to occupy our children's time with activity. Writer Garrison Keillor praised:

'Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child-rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely near-sighted gaze.'

If you are without sin please feel free to cast the first stone.

Thought for the Day

As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning:

I occasionally walk into glass doors. In one Nailsea church they open automatically to enter. But you have to press a button to leave. Clever. Stops children escaping. The price is a sore nose for the old and stupid such as me.

At Gloucester Services recently I noticed an older gentleman cursing that his hand drier wasn't working. Because he was holding his hands over a stainless steel waste-bin. Being generous, it looked a bit like the hand-driers of a few years back. He had not recognised the sleek air-blade driers on the wall. I gently assisted him without making him look a fool. After all, that will be me in a few years' time. If I haven't knocked myself senseless on doors.

I am delighted that justice appears to have been done for the family of Melanie Road, a teenager murdered in 1984. Her killer, Christopher Hampton, pleaded guilty after DNA evidence linked him to the crime. Hampton, now 64, will probably spend the rest of his life in prison.

In 1984 we were a decade from mobile phones being commonplace. No-one could have foreseen then that this unsolved murder would eventually be concluded with a swab from the mouth of Hampton's daughter in respect of an unrelated matter. We get cross with progress but forget what benefits it brings.

Take away those years of technology and a wise biblical author once wrote that we do not know what tomorrow might bring. We don't. But they added that we should not worry about it. Well, not if we are living innocently and righteously. But if you left DNA evidence at a crime scene 30 years ago it might be appropriate to be worried right now.

Thought for the Day July 4th

As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning:

Two people wake up this morning knowing that a day awaits which may be their last day of freedom for a while.

Rolf Harris, a childhood hero of mine, will be sentenced on twelve counts of indecent assault.

Andy Coulson will be sentenced for conspiracy to intercept voice-mail messages whilst he was editor of the News of the World Newspaper.

Now let me paint you a scenario. Imagine you find yourself in the position of being able to pardon one of these two men. Who is it going to be?

I don't know what you would say but we all carry round in our minds a chart of comparative wrong-doing. 'At least I'm not as bad as...' we say to ourselves.

So in prison - and Rolf Harris has been told to expect that - as a sex offender he will be looked down on by other prisoners. As a child sex offender he will be looked down on by the other sex offenders.

A judge, of sorts, once found himself in the position I placed you in. Who will he pardon? The leader of an insurrection or a popular teacher and preacher. He let the crowd be the judge and they surprised him. 'Release Barabbas', they cried, leaving Jesus to his fate.

The Bible actually says that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. And so whilst we might all expect, and maybe even be pleased, that today two criminals get their just deserts we might do well to pray for them. For repentance. For turning from their wicked ways.

And to pray a personal prayer too, for if we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves.

Rape is rape; the rapist is the problem not the victim

Publicity for the new campaign, that the rapist is always responsible and to blame for a rape, was widespread today. I agree with it utterly and wholeheartedly but wondered if, notwithstanding this, there was any discussion to be had about taking steps to minimise risks.

The Twitter discussion which followed, which I set out below, is one from which I have now withdrawn as I feel I may accidentally say something which will cost me my job or jeopardise my ability to do it well.

Some of the comments really hurt but I'm vulnerable and open to feedback on the correspondence. I learn best if disagreements are phrased gently and on the basis that I am trying to learn, not that I would dream of telling anyone how to comment:

7.02

BBC Radio Bristol ‏@bbcrb12h

Is a victim of rape ever to blame for being attacked? Posters put up around Bristol from today say they're not. pic.twitter.com/z3zhaKGl94

7.42

Steve Tilley ‏@s1eve10h

If you leave your car unlocked and an iPad is stolen from the back seat the theft is not your fault but you could have prevented it. @bbcrb

 

7.58

Jane Carnall ‏@EyeEdinburgh10h

Women are not cars or iPads. Rape is a crime of violence, not theft. The attacker, not the attacked, is to blame. @s1eve @bbcrb #rapeculture

8.16

Steve Tilley ‏@s1eve10h

@EyeEdinburgh @bbcrb absolutely agree. But is there never wisdom in taking action to keep yourself safe?

8.29

Jane Carnall ‏@EyeEdinburgh10h

@s1eve @bbcrb Unfortunately, there is no reasonable action a woman can take to ensure she is never in the presence of a rapist.

 

8.30

Jane Carnall ‏@EyeEdinburgh10h

@s1eve @bbcrb You see, while perhaps only one in twenty men are rapists, rapist men look exactly like other non-rapist men. #rapeculture

 

9.02

sarah ‏@sarahluv819h

.@s1eve which would be? Most women know their rapists. @EyeEdinburgh @bbcrb

 

9.19

Clara Unlocked! ‏@Clarabelle543219h

@EyeEdinburgh @s1eve @bbcrb so, I assume we should close all banks because they’re just begging to be robbed…

 

9.21

Clara Unlocked! ‏@Clarabelle543219h

@sarahluv81 @s1eve @bbcrb this is the key. Women trust men who believe this shît, so it’s the MEN’S attitude that has to change

 

9.29

Gods & Monsters ‏@nanayasleeps9h

@s1eve @EyeEdinburgh @bbcrb unfortunately, there is no magic solution to that. Never leave home? Rapes happen there too.

 

9.47

Steve Tilley ‏@s1eve9h

@EyeEdinburgh @bbcrb this is all very helpful. Thank you. Is there any 'reasonable' action a woman can take to minimise the danger?

 

9.49

Jane Carnall ‏@EyeEdinburgh9h

@s1eve @bbcrb Sure. Tell men like you to stop talking as if women are to blame for being raped. That's reasonable, isn't it? #rapeculture

 

9.51

Jane Carnall ‏@EyeEdinburgh9h

@s1eve @bbcrb The unreasonable action that every woman knows about it that we assume every man is a potential rapist. http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/ …

 

10.22

Steve Tilley ‏@s1eve8h

@EyeEdinburgh @bbcrb don't think I did. Certain didn't mean to but will try and learn. #rapeculture

 

10.34

Jane Carnall ‏@EyeEdinburgh8h

@s1eve I accept you didn't mean it, but talking as if it were up to us to avoid"risk of rape"not men to avoid being rapists is victimblaming

 

2.48

Steve Tilley ‏@s1eve3h

Put my head above the parapet of a #rapeculture discussion earlier. Very tough place to hang out given the subject but found it helpful.

 

 

 

Thought for the Day

As delivered at BBC Radio Bristol this morning.

 

I have two eyes and most of my own teeth.

 

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? A simple statement going back to the Law of Moses. When it first appears in the Bible it is suggesting that the punishment should equal the crime. It is there to stop the escalation of violence and limit vengeance. It says 'This is where the matter ends.'

 

But if we took it literally today then the mugged would be invited to give their apprehended assailants a free punch; the burgled would pop round to the villain's house and help themselves to some booty from the stash and the relatives of the murdered would get to open the trapdoor and watch the guilty swing.

 

I don't think this is the sort of society most of us want. Tempting as revenge might seem, rehabilitation is surely the better route. Whilst there are a few hardened criminals out there a vast amount of crime is either opportunist - a failure to resist temptation when a wallet is left unattended on a pub table maybe - or desperation - shoplifting food when hungry for instance.

 

The suggestion today that we might treat those arrested for being drunk and disorderly with education, the same way as a speed awareness course for the same cost as a fine can save three more points on a driving licence, deserves consideration. It is not my place to solve the administration problems of the scheme, but I think it is my job to applaud thinking differently when observed.

 

So a small cheer for an idea worth pondering. Let's all give it some thought and see if it might work.

Prison

On Radio 4's P.M. programme last night a representative of the Prison Warder's Association (forgive me if I have the title wrong but research and blogging don't seem to fit together easily) said something close to this:

Nobody has been able to tell me what the desirable number of people is to have in prison at any one time...

This passed without comment by the interviewer, Carolyn Quinn.

Now clearly one answer to the question, and a very good answer at that, is 'None'. That would be to avoid the point. Understanding human nature as we do it is pretty much inevitable that some people will do things that require imprisonment from time to time. But the 'desirable number?' Could we ever say?

Is it like the examination system that used to exist (does it still?) in accountancy, that only a certain percentage obtain the qualification each time and so the passmark is set at the number of entrants desired that year? Surely not. We can't decide we need 20,000 people banged up at any one time and so imprison litter-droppers in a lean year but pardon rapists in a bad one.

So there can't be be a sort of averaging out. And thus if standards of behaviour drop then more and more people go to prison. Which is the problem we have at the moment. Prisons are full because people are doing more and more imprisonable things. The persistent shop-lifters, fine-avoiders and public nuisances, aware as they are that courts will try anything short of imprisonment, have 'pushed it'. And ends of tethers have been reached and some of those folks are now locked up. It looks, to the untrained eye, as if they are locked up for petty offences but how many petty offences can you commit before it becomes serious? Stealing £500 off someone is bad. Is stealing a packet of cigarettes every three days (the same pecuniary value after a year) equally bad?

There is a good debate going on and it would be much enhanced if someone had the guts to say 'It is not immediately obvious what society should want to do?'

We can't rehabilitate everyone quickly. We can't build a new prison in less than ten years (apparently). We shouldn't lower our standards. We shouldn't bring back the stocks, beatings or the death penalty.

Any ideas?

A Rant

You will excuse me a brief rant. It is more important for me to write it than for you to read it, which probably guarantees you will read it but hey what the hell.

Last Christmas the adorable Mrs T, whilst buying gifts for all her store managers (16 of them and out of her own pocket) forgot, briefly, to close her bag and had her wallet stolen. The £32 would have been willingly given to anyone who asked with good and convincing reason but it was a pain, at a busy time of year, to have to make all the calls to replace bank cards, driving licences etc. The loss of the two small photos of her sons was perhaps the most painful bit.

It was the first time she had been such a victim.

Last Saturday, whilst enjoying a restaurant meal with a couple of friends, it happened to her again. This time it is more mysterious in that the restaurant had a CCTV camera which doesn't seem to show anything happening and she had her bag with her, or attended by a friend, all evening. This time the cash haul was £10.12 but the psychological haul was weekend spoiling. 'Why was I so stupid,' she asks.

Well I've told her, but I'm telling you too, that allowing your guard to drop momentarily is not stupid it is human. We relax. We trust. It is stupid to steal. It hurts people who don't hurt you and most of whom would help you if they knew you.

Christian communities I have belonged to have paid for holidays for needy teenagers, settled the debts of those who have got in a mess, housed the homeless and fed the hungry. Pretty damn regularly.

Now, again as an interlude to a busy life, the cards and licences must be replaced. And the photo which now probably resides at the bottom of the floating harbour in Bristol, alongside the recently replaced National Trust Membership card, Advantage card, Reward card and Nectar card is of me. Quite a fetching one too I might add.

I have been quite occupied by the word 'forgiveness' this last few days. I apologise that for a little while longer I am going to be a hypocrite and wish ill-will to those who brought ill to my lover. I hope you are very slightly ill for a few hours and the remedy costs, oh, say £10.13. Ask me for the penny. I'll send it. Eye for eye; tooth for tooth.

I'll get there. Just give me a day or two.

Guns and Virgina Tech

Terrible tragedies always wake us up. I wrote a really quick thought for the Bath and Wells Diocesan web-site which is here, published in all its unedited glory so please don't moan about the punctuation or grammar. I done it quick.

Via Jonny Baker I found this post from the musician Moby. Pretty much says it all really. Guns are so final. Be gracious about Moby's use of language friends. It's his culture.

Got 'em

Woken at 2.10 a.m. by banging sound outside in the road. Five youths, one very drunk and one wearing a very distinctive hoodie are vandalising two keep-left bollards. Phone police. Return to looking out of window. Youths are still vandalising the bollard. Looks like a weird ceremonial dance round the sacred road furniture until they prise one of them off its mountings.

Drunk one raises the bollard high above his head to throw it into the bushes but over-balances backwards and collapses in a sprawled heap in the road. Very entertaining. As his mate attempts to help him up a police car arrives. Very fast. Two minutes since call. Sensibly using no sirens.

To the cries of 'Police stop' (yeah that'll work but I suppose it's got to be said) lads leg it except for drunk one who tries to but tacks. The three other lads drag/carry the drunk across the common until, I am now told, the police catch them.

Two back-up cars arrive.

Fifth lad hides in a garden opposite my house, behind the hedge, until the police have run off and then walks nonchalently back down the road. Sadly for him I have been watching him all the time from my bedroom window. He is the one in the distinctive hoodie. Describe him to police who go to find him.

Feel a bit of an idiot in bare feet and dressing gown out in the road but overcome by vague feeling of public duty and superiorness to other neigbours who have remained in bed (this time - we sort of take it in turns).

Lose 90 minutes sleep minimum. Yesterday's dream was better than this truth.