Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts

Monday, April 16, 2012

How Men React

A sermon preached at Holy Trinity, Nailsea last night. Part one of two on reactions to the resurrection. Do males react differently to females?

The Resurrection changes everything

1. Jesus Appears to the Men

Readings: Mark 16:9-20 and 1 Corinthians 15:12-19

'Is the response to the resurrection different for men and women?

'The central pillar of the Christian story is that Jesus rose from the dead. In the evening services we spent the first part of the year following Mark's Gospel. We return to it for the last time and ask in what way did Jesus appear to the men of his small group of remaining disciples. What did he do/say? How did he address them? How did they react? Was there anything specific about the way Jesus dealt with men?

'Is there a clue here in how men react today? What transforms a man? Is there some help in how we reach men now with the good news of the risen Christ?'

That was the brief. Not so brief really. Here goes.

As I embark on this sermon I offer a warning that there will be some generalisations to save time. In life there are different reactions to different circumstances and many are predictable by gender, to some extent. To some extent. Women are generally better at reading emotions than men but that doesn't mean you won't find a man who is good at it or a woman who is poor. Men are better at spatial awareness than women but that doesn't mean all women can't pack the dishwasher properly.

'Male' reactions are not just found in men and vice-versa.

Wise person once said the world divides into two types of people - those who divide the world into two types of people and those who don't.

We like to. Mars and Venus. Simon Baron-Cohen.

Is there a difference in how the men and women in the group of disciples reacted to meeting the risen Jesus?

That was the introduction. For the systematising men here who want to know where we are at any given time, there will be 2 bits of research to tell you about, then 3 key Bible passages and finally 5 conclusions and it will take about another 20 minutes.

Two bits of research:

1. Men research. I had breakfast with a group of seven guys yesterday. All white aged 45-75. I told them what I was preaching on today and asked their advice. I will now tell you what they said, in order, without edit:
  • Today people tend to question everything they are told
  • Conspiracy theories are always men
  • Women more prone to door-to-door sales
  • Men like doing rather than sitting down, thinking or confronting. When we finish our breakfast we all get stuck into cleaning up and get the jobs done without talking about it.
  • In international politics the advice of women is not usually taken in the middle-east or Afghanistan
  • In the Bible women proved themselves by always being there at the difficult times (is that why Jesus revealed himself to them?)
  • Men not so good at picking up vibes
  • I don't like being in a room full of strangers but my wife is fine at that
  • Where I work women in the 'fast-stream' are far more amenable than the blokes who are always annoying
  • Men less willing to admit ignorance, ask directions, question something going on we don't understand. We tend to say we understand before we do
  • Did Jesus reveal himself to women by design or by accident?
Now that is just to give you a flavour, especially the women here, of the way a male mind tends to tackle the question. It's not right or wrong.

Notice something. That wasn't a conversation. A group of guys starting a conversation will all tend to have some sort of opening gambit and eventually settle down on one thing worth discussing. Notice how those statements all wandered around the question, getting nearer and nearer, before actually beginning to answer it.

2. Bible research. I'm going to list the pieces of evidence about the resurrection we have in our Bibles then call in at three of them. If you want to flick through your Bibles and follow me at this point that would be fine.

Matthew 28:1-10 (Women at the tomb)

Matthew 28:11-15 (Guards told to say the disciples stole the body)

Mark 16:1-8 (Women, terrified, silent)

Mark 1: 9-20 (more later)

Luke 24:1-12 (Women. Peter runs to the tomb)

Luke 24:13-35 (Road to Emmaus. Gender of one of the two disciples not known)

Luke 24:36-48 (Jesus appears to all the disciples. Eats. Touch)

Luke 24:50-53 (Ascension)

John 20:1-9 (Mary Magdalene tells others tomb is empty)

John 20:10-18 (Mary Magdalene)

John 20:19-23 (Disciples in locked room)

John 20:24-31 (Thomas)

John 21:1-14 (Disciples and 153 fish)

John 21:15-25 (Peter's reinstatement)

Acts 9:1-9 (Saul)

1 Corinthians 15:1-8 (A list of those including 500)

Let's look at a few male reactions to the resurrection in our Bibles - I'm going to call in at three places, but let's remember this. Most scribes in those days were male. Males were better educated and got the best jobs. So all our verses about the resurrection, male or female witnesses, have probably been through a male filter. All of them.

Three key passages:

1. Mark. Mention earliest and most reliable manuscripts. 9-20 a summary of other sources. Men find that little note interesting and like the idea of digging into it to find out what it means.

Someone looking for harmony and consistency between accounts. v8 is a better ending for Mark's piece of literature because of Messianic secret. That appeals to people with a sense of order. Do men have a better sense of order than women?

It is important that he appeared to women first. In those days women's evidence was deemed unreliable. It took the witness of two women to successfully counter the argument of one man in court. If one were inventing a story about resurrection why would one make the first witnesses female?

Almost certainly a person making up such a tale would not invent a woman as the first witness. And as you can see from the text, they weren't believed.

So Jesus delivers a telling-off to the disciples for not believing the women, or the two on the road. Then he does the most man-friendly thing in the whole gospel. He explains that if people go into the world and preach the gospel it will work. And here's how you will know. Stuff will happen (v17 -signs). Men like things that work. The last verse of Mark's Gospel tells us 'It worked.'

2. Doubting Thomas (twin). John 20:24-31. I want evidence. A woman says 'It is absolutely impossible to get the car boot shut; it's broken.' What does a man say? A male reaction to anything impossible, unusual or exciting is 'Let me see.' 'Let me check.' 'I don't believe it.'

John tells us that his gospel is written for men (20:31). You want to see the nail marks. This is written for those of you who can't handle the nail marks.

3. Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:1-8. Is he writing to men when he says - here are some people you can check with.

What can we learn for today about telling men and women about the glorious news of the resurrection?

1. Men will want to enquire, check out, be curious, take apart. A Bible study where the resurrection accounts are laid side-by-side and studied for discrepancies will appeal to a man. A person giving their testimony and then being quizzed will appeal to a man. A chance to live it out, give it a go and see if it works will also appeal.

Dare we invite men to become Christians, full-on, for ten weeks - the 10 week challenge - and see if it makes a difference.

2. Once convinced men will be loyal supporters and followers. They may tag along when unconvinced but if nothing grabs their interest or imagination they will drift away. If convinced they will probably convince their family.

3. Men like all-male company more than women like all female. As an evangelistic strategy if a church only has the energy to run a men's group or a women's group it should run a men's group.

4. People will make men curious if they are interesting. But most men will get to know you by telling you things about themselves, whether you like it or not. Asking men questions about themselves and listening to the answers will usually bear fruit.

5. One of the things many women find hard to learn when first involved in a partner relationship with a man is this. I make no apologies for it and try hard to change but it is a gut thing. You can tell me what to do; you can't tell me how to do it.

I am quite prepared to take responsibility for whole areas of domestic life as long as I can invent my own way of doing it. If my wife wants things done her way then she can do them.

If I am like that and am not atypical then telling a man to devote his life may not be as problematic as we think it is, as long as we don't tell him how to do it.

Become the loyal servant and follower of God and work out the implications for yourself. Don't ask for directions.

Wouldn't that be fun?

Wouldn't that be risky.

Hang on. Mark 16:15. 'Go into the world and peach the good news...'

And the men didn't reply. 'Jesus wait. Wait. There's no instruction manual. You've forgotten to tell us how...'

Sunday, April 15, 2012

A Cute Systematising Male

I am not an acute systematising male. OK not that acute. But I do like to know where things are. I am strangely comforted by the existence of archives. I like it that there are lists of books I've read, movies I've seen and albums I own.

There is a difference between knowing where things are and tidiness. Quite a few men I know work in squalor but know, geologically at any rate, where things are. I am a bit too cluttered for my own liking (study not big enough to be an office and a library) but pretty ordered.

Put the files you reach for most often in different coloured folders so they stand out.

I have been saying Morning Prayer at 8.30 on a Wednesday morning with a different group of people over the last few months. It has become the hinge-point of my week. I am not especially fond of Morning Prayer - it is simply something I do - it is a marker. After Wednesday's is over I know where I am. Or should that be when I am?

I can be more interested in the variety of people I know than in the people. They can be like the contents of a 'people I have met' list.

Being at my desk, gently thinking, planning and allowing God to overhear should he wish to, early on a Sunday morning has become the norm. I like it (but need to schedule a snooze at 4-5p.m.). Twitter has put me in touch with others doing the same. It is a new sort of fellowship; silent and distant communion.

It prepares me for the real people who are, to some extent, an intrusion into my private magic. And not to treat them like that.

Thoughts settled now. Everything in its right place. Lovely. Off we go.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Beer, Bible and Big Pizza

Yesterday I was a bit depressed. The men's event I had been planning and looking forward to for some time had not produced much interest. I offered a prayer that, in order to give us reasonable numbers and atmosphere, one man might book in every two hours for the next thirty hours.

We are on target for this. So far we have 23 plus a panel of 4 making 27 coming tonight. It will feel good with this number. Thanks be to God.

I'm off to buy beer and order pizza. Tough job this.

FAQs
Did you put the word 'big' in front of pizza merely to improve the alliteration?

Yes.

Will the pizzas actually be big?

Yes

Do I have to drink beer if I don't like it?

No. I will get some juice and wine.

Is it too late to say I am coming?

No.

Will I have to talk about the Bible?

No, a panel of three men will be my guests to do this? Audience comments will be welcome but not compulsory.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Beer, Bible and Big Pizza

Holy Trinity and Trendlewood church members may have spotted the 'Notice of the Week' last Sunday. To try and make sure we don't underline everything we choose one or two notices of the 'if-you-only-read-one' variety.

On Thursday October 6th at 8.00 p.m. in the Trinity Centre, Nailsea I will be hosting an interesting men's evening.

Beer, Bible and Big Pizza will be four guys, in front of an audience, talking about the Bible. What are their favourite bits? Worst bits? Bits they'd tear out if given half a chance?

My guests will be:
  • Richard Calverley, a former missionary, a current occupational therapist and a soon-to-be vicar's husband.
  • Andrew Slade, a senior civil servant who has been a private secretary, projects director for the south-west development agency and big-wig at Defra.
  • Paul Roberts, the only other reverend on the panel, who is a theologian and lecturer on liturgy and worship at Trinity College, Bristol.
It should be entertaining, a bit like a TV chat show, and non-threatening. All the audience members will be required to do will be to listen, drink beer and eat pizza, although there will be a chance for questions and comments.

I've set up a Facebook page for the event. Let me know if you are coming and how many guests you will be bringing so I don't end up having to eat a ridiculous amount of pizza and drink hundreds of pints of beer myself. Then again.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Men's Ministry

OK. Let's start a movement. A little bird told me (it was on page 17 of the Times) that Big Willy (it's what she calls him apparently) and that commoner, millionaire's daughter Kate Middleton have plighted their troth. Now that's something many of us guys will be wanting to avoid so as soon as we get the date let's set up a shed load of men's events that are not the wedding. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against marriage. Just against marriage with a massive media spotlight and the hype. So shall we do something else? I've already dreamed up the best men's Bible study group ever modelled on Richard Bacon's beer and pizza evenings. Let's brainstorm.

By the way it was also on pages 1-16 of the Times, which is why I read the Guardian.

We might have to agree to watch the actual wedding to keep our partners company. I've just thought of another thing we can do; a training course in things-to-say-during-a-royal-wedding that make us sound interested and knowledgeable. James May may be able to help in his man's lab.

This could run and run.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

More on Men

So my Mum says I must go and then starts another conversation and then seems disappointed that I don't pursue it and sighs and I say sorry but you said you must go and she says it's because she thought I must want to go and I'm a man and a woman would understand that '...and another thing' meant something else even if uttered after 'I must go'. There are rules about these things. Course as a man I know the rules better than any woman because if there's one thing a man does really well it's rules. That's why I know the whole of the ball must be over the whole of the line whether on the ground or in the air before it's a goal. I know the rules. It's just that I won't play this particular game.

I revisited John Eldredge's book Wild at Heart in researching an article just now. You will see that at Amazon you can get 33% off. His thesis is that men are bored and need:

  • A battle to fight
  • An adventure to live
  • A beauty to rescue

I dismissed him when I first read the book, a gift from a well-meaning colleague, as someone who was just not like me. I now think it's worse than that. He's wrong. All these books that send men back into their caves to rest or back to fairyland to rescue damsels don't propel men into an exciting future but strand them in a depressing past. Men are evolving. Evolving a more caring side (slowly). Evolving a more subservient side (on occasions). Evolving to be less wild.

There may still be trouble in town-centres on Saturday nights (although note there hasn't been much publicity about beer-fuelled over-exuberance this Christmas due to the apparent early success of the new later-opening legislation) because some men are still a bit wild, but the secret is not to find ways to be wild more safely but to understand evolution.

Eldredge says you can tell what a creature is for by watching it. Labradors love water he says. Well maybe. But does that mean the labrador is cruelly abused if kept in a home miles from a river? Course not. They just find something else to love. Eagles love to soar he says. Do they bollocks. Ignoring the philosophical question of whether a creature with limited intelligence can love anything, they just do it because they have evolved like that to catch fish and rabbits, we must note that looking to the past for information about how to behave now will not help you to adapt to the changing world around you, or even, if you are creative enough, to adapt the changing world around you to you.

Men may love battles but they shouldn't. They should perhaps dream of a world where all the damsels can cope alone. In short, they should get out more. Don't go backwards, evolve.

Still won't play phone games with my mother. Yet. The whole of the ball isn't over the whole of the line.