When Is It?

Regular readers will know that I have, over the years, had more trouble than most with when. I am good at how, what, why and where but as someone who used to write winter text in summer and vice versa I often became confused as to why it wasn't snowing in July when I took a coffee break.

This week has been disorientating. To begin with, any week that begins with a Bank Holiday Monday makes Tuesday feel like Monday and this confusion moves on by the day.

Then our church leadership team went away for 24 hours, Tuesday to Wednesday, so the marker of a Tuesday afternoon team meeting was lost. On Wednesday morning we noted that the Morning Prayer booklets we had taken with us did not, for complicated reasons, include Wednesday. As three of us take Friday as a day off we decided to use Friday Morning prayer on Wednesday.

Now there were good reasons for Wednesday to be either Tuesday or Friday.

I had gig tickets for Thursday night and so the last Thursday of the month invitation to a bunch of people for supper was moved a day early. They came on Wednesday. As I clear up afterwards and sit down with a glass of wine I usually look forward to my day off the next day. But the next day wasn't my day off. Thursday was, in my mind, either Friday, Wednesday or Saturday. Saying Morning Prayer for a Thursday would have helped but I forgot my glasses.

On Thursday evening my sons and their girlfriends arrived for a two day visit, which made it feel like the start of a weekend except they have just left today, Saturday, early to get back to work because they too have chosen careers with strange working hours.

Yesterday, Friday, was a Bank Holiday. That was two reasons for it to be a day off except that we part-hosted a street event for the Royal Wedding (watched it with the Twitter feed on - highly entertaining) and worked at the hosting thing for about six hours.

I am posting this in the hope that I will shortly realise it is actually Saturday and then manage to drag my scrawny, tired, over-stimulated body to church tomorrow at the correct venue. Tonight we have tickets for Comedy of Errors. Apt eh? Good morning.

Street Party

A couple of weeks ago I decided to stick a note through the doors of local houses seeing if anyone wanted a sort of bring and share lunch for the royal wedding bank holiday. We live at a junction so chose to leaflet two roads and a total of 46 houses. I gave five different ways of replying (email, text, tweet, phone or call round). With one day to go 13 households have actually replied and 7 of these have said they will join in. There are enough people coming for us to have a good time together but I wonder if this is normal or should I be disappointed to have been completely ignored by two thirds of the people?

Big Blogger

BB
Right, let's get this straight. Jesus is dead.

WWA
No.

BB
What do you mean no? We celebrated his death yesterday.

WWA
We wouldn't have celebrated his death if he'd been dead. We would have forgotten him. We celebrated because he's alive.

BB
Really? Wasn't that a bit rude? Does he mind?

WWA
We never really think about how he feels. It's all about how we feel.

BB
Are you sure? Won't that comment upset a lot of fine, upstanding Christian people?

WWA
Have you read this blog before?

BB
Good point.

WWA
Can I ask a question?

BB
Sure, but you know the rules.

WWA
If you are only a part of my subconscious does that mean my subconscious is not a follower of Jesus?

BB
Good point.

WWA
It was a question.

BB
Sorry. Good question.

WWA
And?

BB
You think, subconsciously, that the church's year can do more harm than good?

WWA
I do? I do? I do.

Good Friday Playlist

Want to listen to something that will connect with the deep, deep feeling following you around today that this is the day something really important happened? Try this playlist:

Peace by Los Lobos
Is it Like Today by World Party
I Can't Stand the Rain by Ann Peebles
Solid Air by John Martyn
Pink Bullets by the Shins (starts with a brief advert)
Liquid by Jars of Clay (with a Good Friday video)
The King Will Come by Wishbone Ash
Converted by the Alabama 3

Perfection?

I left a doorstep caller lost for words yesterday evening. A nice guy handed me a leaflet advocating his firm 'Greensleeves' as the providers of 'Perfect Lawns.'

Looking down at the collection of green stuff mowed flat in my front garden he suggested he could remove the moss, the teasels, the dandelions and the daisies and get the lawn back to its original pristine condition.

I told him I already considered my bio-diverse lawn perfect and could think of nothing he could do to improve it.

A bee buzzed past and offered to buy me a drink. (I speak fluent bee.)

AV or not AV?

Wanting to pick the bones out of the current debate about the possible changes to the voting system? There is a good article by Paul Bickley of Theos on the LICC Connecting with Culture webiste here. It will take about three minutes to read and manages to avoid the worst excesses of spin being pedalled by the yes and no campaigns at the moment.

Love Wins

The other day someone told me that as they were reading my latest book they had a problem because they could hear me speaking it as they read. 'So what's the problem?' I asked.

'Could you go a bit faster, I speed-read?'

I guess all those pauses for effect, which I consider appropriate in my preaching, can get in the way for a speed-reader.

Rob Bell is a verbal communicator. Those familiar with his podcasts from Mars Hill Bible Church or the Nooma DVD series will know how he speaks.

He has got round the problem by writing in a spoken style.

Lots of short sentences and white space on a page.

Prose that looks like poetry. And sounds like it sometimes too.

Some paragraphs of but a single word.

See.

Slows you down doesn't it?

Adds gravitas.

Love Wins is about the story we have told about death and judgement. Is talking of an eternal damnation in the fiery flames of hell the best way to get an invite to dinner?

Perhaps not, says Bell, strangling a pigeon for effect.

So he reviews the biblical material about death, judgement and the love of God. And whilst the train doesn't go all the way to universalism if you change you may get there in one more trip. Which upsets some people who like to see a bit of damnation in their evangelism.

In passing he offers a brilliant three page essay on models of the atonement and, if you'll excuse me, nails the myth that substitutionary is the only brand on sale. He looks at the hells on earth which we ought to do something about now rather than waiting for God in heaven. And he unpacks the rich man's attitude problem towards Lazarus even after death.

And in passing there is a definition of church I will certainly use many times in the future.

Love Wins is just a title, not a complete theology. But damned to hell hasn't been working for us recently so a rebranding ain't all bad.

Compulsory reading for all Christian thinkers, I think.

Who Do You Write Like?

Brothers and sisters I have a confession to make:

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

 
No idea how reliable this is.

Niggly Verses

Yesterday's staff meeting trek through Luke's gospel delivered me to the end of chapter 14. My colleagues will have the joy of Luke 15. In case you don't recall here is the text of 14:25-35:

Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 'If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even life itself—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

'Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’

'Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.

'Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.

'Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.'

I like the idea Leon Morris suggests, that the geography of this piece is not clear but it is Jesus 'turning' to face the crowd who have been following him. We often get a view of Jesus attracting crowds but there is much evidence that he tried to get away from them or avoid them (See Mark 1:38; John 6:15 for example).

Do we sell the urgency of making a decision to follow Jesus, or explain to people that it is too costly and they won't be able to hack it? I like the idea of trying to put people off in order to put them on.

We are not to hate our family literally. A guy who taught love pretty much unconditionally wouldn't mean that. It is either hyperbole or the awkwardness of translating a comparative from Aramaic (Jesus' native tongue). Discipleship is a matter of the state of mind of the Jesus follower. It is a different order of things to family matters. It is akin to a one-way journey - a journey a cross-carrier made would have been clear in the mind of Jesus' audience. The Romans preferred to make a public spectacle of offenders against their rules.
 
So the central part of this piece of teaching is a two-pronged look at the cost of discipleship. A person doing a building project doesn't want to have half a building standing as a lasting memorial to their failure to complete. But a person, who on balance is about to lose big-time, will contemplate a fixed loss now against a massive disaster later (an insurance premium if you like). In order to avoid losing everything a king will work on terms for his people's surrender - something that had happened down the history of Israel described in the Old Testament books of Samuel, Kings and Chronicles.
 
In example one Jesus asks if we can afford to follow him. In example two he asks if we dare risk refusing his approach.
 
He ends by talking of salt. Again much is made about salt being a flavouring and a preservative. In fact, unless the salt is really low quality, its flavouring will not go. But poor regions of ancient kingdoms probably had much low-grade salt. It would be bad enough not to work domestically yet effective enough to ruin your compost. You want your compost to rot, not to be preserved.
 
If you have many redeeming qualities as a human being but have not Jesus' sort of discipleship you are useless. I'm not calling you useless. But I think Jesus is. Good morning.

How To Look Really Stupid Part 456

From time to time I have explained, often in too much detail, how many varied and interesting ways I have found to injure myself or cost myself money. Here is a new one.

Yesterday I was taking a presentation to a small country church on 'Using technology in worship.' I discovered, quite late on, that they did not even have a screen and so I dug out of the church store the biggest, functioning screen I could find. Most of our church rooms have fixed screens now and so this one hadn't been much used since Overhead Projectors were mothballed. Why did we call them OHPs and not OPs?

As I was loading the screen into my car I heard my intuitive warning bells ring. 'This needs securing or it might be dangerous,' I thought. I secured it and pointed it away from the back of my head as an extra precaution. The screen ended up sitting on the back of the seats but it was pretty safe.

Hardly ever getting enough speed up in town to need to do an emergency stop I felt comfortable. I rarely get out of third gear from my home to the church.

Approaching the first T-junction someone turned right across my path and cut the corner. I stopped. Not in an emergency but quicker than gently.

Now this screen was old but secure. It didn't move. I say that. Most of it didn't. The central adjusting bar looked as if it was fixed by a plastic cap but sadly the locating lugs had long ago gone to that great lughole in the sky and so as it stopped the central bar fired out and I harpooned my windscreen. Little cracks exploded out in several directions and charged for the edge.

Autoglass will have some fun working out how that happened. Well I'm not going to tell them if you're not.

£75 excess. Pay me in beer for the amusing story.

Music to Make You Weep

There was a wee experiment on the PM Programme yesterday evening. With the warning that we shouldn't attempt this whilst driving or operating heavy machinery we were played a selection of music that we were told would possibly make us cry.

Now I cry a lot at music, mainly for the wrong reasons because I have been subjected, as a Christian minister to more bad music than anyone really has the right to expect during the course of a single lifetime.

I was driving but, taking a wild guess that I knew myself well, didn't turn off the radio and guess what, didn't cry.

Do you like crying? I don't.

Three pieces of music I can think of will make me cry and so they are locked away now and I avoid them:

Together Alone by Crowded House was the encore at a wonderful gig in 1994. The next day I had to take Alex the labrador to be put down and since then the two events have been inextricably linked in my mind. A tear is forming as I think about it.

A new album by Angelique Kidjo was on in my car as I drove over to visit my Dad during his last illness. It was a lively piece. All bouncy and African with rock roots. Kept me going for four days but then, once he'd died, I could never play it again.

Finally I was listening to Hard Fi when my youngest left home for the last time. The track 'Move On Now' was the only slower, acoustic song on the album. With its chorus of  'I guess it's time to move on now...' it forced me to accept something had changed for good. We'd done child-rearing and were into a new phase of life.

Nothing wrong with that new phase of life and I still see my sons but there are tears on the keyboard as I write this and the track has to be skipped on a great album.

I repeat the advice - if something is happening to you that one day you will look back on with tears don't play your favourite songs whilst it is happening. You'll lose them for ever.

Music that brings tears to your eyes is about association more than any intrinsic ability of music to emote.

Stats

Looking at this week's stats, only between 4.00 and 5.00 a.m was this blog without any visitors at all. Any of you discussing sleeplessness on Facebook (I know who you are); pop in.

Incidentally 8.00 - 9.00 a.m. is when I get most readers. Log on and surf eh?

Lent Question Time

I was a member of a panel answering questions from our Lent Course participants last night. It was a fun evening although a litle short of controversy and broken furniture.

One thing that struck me was that, with the exception of the question about social networking which I suggested someone might like to ask, how little the questions had changed from those one might thave expected fifty years ago (for Dawkins read Russell).

These were the questions. I'll happily blog my answers to those that anyone wants to discuss:

Why do you believe in God?

How can we encourage young people to worship / feel wanted in our churches?

What can we learn from the Muslim world?

With the growth of space travel, and our continued scientific understanding of the cosmos, we may well one day discover another world and another race of people. If this happened, how would we rationalise this with our understanding of ‘God’s World’?

Where do the dinosaurs fit into creation?

Do you think there is a tendency to try to explain away difficult questions such as – why doesn’t God heal? Why is there suffering? Why do things go wrong? Where is God? When we are called to try to believe in the mess, live with the unanswered questions and hang in there when the going is tough, despite all. Any views?

If you were Prime Minister for a day, what would you do?

If God is in control do we really have free will?

Are social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter beneficial or harmful to society and how do you think Christians should engage with them?

How does Jesus dying enable us to have a relationship with God?

In Exodus we are told that God hardened Pharoah’s heart. Does he still do that now for those who are married to non believers?

Jesus healed in various ways – by touch, by word, by command, by ‘remote control’ (centurions servant), also unconsciously (lady with the issue of blood). What lessons can we learn from this?

Often we are reassured in prayer and teaching by random words like 'God will never leave us or forsake us' or 'God will forgive our sins.' The first promise was give by God to the Israelites during their 40 year trek to the Promised Land. The second promise is surely only appropriate if supported by the words 'when we confess and repent of our sins.' Am I being petty or is this false teaching?

John’s Gospel 14: 1-7 Good News Bible – This is the hope that when we die we will go to heaven and be with all our loved ones who have gone before us. However, in verse 3, “I will come back and take you to myself so that you will be where I am.” Does this mean that we will not go to heaven until Jesus comes again. If so, where are all our loved ones now?

What is your view of the idea of ‘the Big Society’?

If you were stuck in a lift with Richard Dawkins what would you say to him (apart from “why isn’t this lift working?)?

Men Behaving Disastrously

So many of our top, incredibly-well-paid football stars are just irredeemable, working-class thugs to whom evolution has dealt a fortunate survival trick - skill with a ball.

I understand that playing on the edge of anger can make you really sharp but if you have no self-control switch fitted as standard - cf Wayne Rooney, Joey Barton et al then you are going to get in trouble sooner or later.

Rooney's Saturday outburst into a camera on live TV at lunchtime was worthy of discipline.

I was a reasonable footballer (in fact aged 13/14 I was very good and with coaching may have got much better) but heeded family advice not to pursue it as a career. I didn't thereafter play regularly enough to keep up.

I was fiercely competitive and put myself about. I was booked and sent off. But never for abusing a referee. I was one of those weird players who didn't appeal for every decision. I did once get a bit cross when a linesman told one of my colleagues 'He's not appealing for it' as evidence that the throw-in couldn't be in my favour. The linesman was wrong but I didn't complain, that's all. They do notice and interpret it against you.

I did accept the fact that I had a choice. When Paul Robinson and Lee Dixon on Match of the Day 2 last night said that at the end of the day (they really said that) it was boys being boys even if it was multi-millionnaires on a stadium pitch they said, in effect, that this would not stop. Then they offered the suggestion that three or four sendings off per game would soon change things.

Clearly the 'Respect' campaign has been a load of offal. If anything respect has got less likely. A bad foul sees confrontation and harrassment of refs for a red. A coming-together sees everyone piling in, inevitably.

Just watch the way blokes of a certain age and hair style pile in to a barney in a pub and take sides. You are seeing human nature in all its fallen ugliness. Those pictures of the guys following the police van of the alleged Swindon murderer were not wanting to wait for the decision of a court. Lynch mobs self-generate.

If they are serious about fixing football then they may end up editing out ordinary blokes. Let's see what happens if we say:

• Anyone running more than 20 metres to join in an on-pitch brawl will be sent off.
• Anyone joining in a conversation with a referee that one player is already having will be sent off.
• Anyone approaching an assistant referee for any reason will be booked.
• Anyone joining in a brawl and not facing a player of his own team will be sent off.

A few matches will, as Dixon said, have to be abandoned in the early days of this. It may settle down. It may also mean that more young players of a different disposition may try to play.

Football is at a hinge-point.

I-Spy

It's been a while since I ticked any new ones off my denominational I-Spy card but recently I spent some time in the company of a Strict and Particular Baptist. He turned out to be pleasant company although a little troubled by the amount his church had changed since 1689. More troubled, in fact, by this than that his church only had sixteen members left.

He told me that he was a Calvinist which, in my way of summarising precious doctrine, holds that if God doesn't like you you're pretty much screwed. I haven't bought Rob Bell's Love Wins yet but I think I know a man who won't be.

My church, led by its youth today, forgot to do a confession of any sort. I expect we'll go to hell for that. Possibly in something less comfortable than a handcart.

Now. Anyone know any Primitive Methodists? They're next on the list.

Hospitality

Is hospitality a gift a or a craft? A skill to be learned or an attitude?

I've been thinking about this over the last few days. I heard of a person who lived in a nice house who wouldn't consider offering his home as a venue for a small Bible-study group. Too risky. A couple then told me that inviting some people round for dinner was outside their comfort zone. Another man lamented that people never dropped round for a cup of tea in this town. A while back someone told me they would have me round for a meal as soon as the en-suite was finished. 'I'll go home when I need the loo' was not received well.

So let me tell you about some people I know. Take your shoes and socks off people they are holy ground.

Person one held a house-warming party. I wasn't there but it has passed down into folklore that when people arrived they were surprised to see underpants drying on a rack by the fire.

Person two constantly has a house full of visitors. Popping round you may bump into people wearing court-ordered leg-tags, drug users, guys with convictions for violent offences and middle-class teenagers doing a Bible study. In the midst of this the lady of the house will be sitting on the sofa, reading a book and drinking tea.

It seems to me that the trick of being hospitable is relationship. Come and join me as I am. The whole business of sharing home yesterday with eleven people for lunch and about the same for supper was the better for watching how people treat the house as if they live there, being careful about things I care about and helping stir the pot, lay the table and clear the dishes. It was great.

B separated from his wife and was homeless. He moved in with us for six months and one of our sons gave up his bedroom and shared with his brother. P got a job at a local shop but had no address after her landlord threw her out because she had no money because she had no job. She stayed a few months. Sons made the sacrifice again. Finally C wanted to finish her studies in the town where she lived but her parents wanted to move. She moved in with us for a few months. We were not in the habit of drying our pants by the fire or particularly in touch with the tagged but we didn't tidy up before they moved in. And for those who know how we live now; we were not always this tidy. Five bedroom vicarages are generous space for two.

I think I've answered my own question. People are more important than things. Suss that out and you will never hesitate before welcoming people in. How do you, as a Christian minister, value people in their own right and not simply treat them as evangelism-fodder? Feed them. For no reason. There is no skill whatsoever involved in being hospitable unless you haven't got the hang of showing people the real you yet? Then you're in big trouble. If you're living a lie you can never have people drop in.

If I'm in the door is usually open. Ring the bell and walk in. Really. If you want to stay to supper you may get given a job to do. Like cooking it.