Sunday, May 31, 2009
Punditry
The whole of the ball has to be over the whole of the line on the ground or in the air. Shoot all ITV commentators and pundits now. They're just not good enough. If you don't understand this post don't worry.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Space
The final frontier, as Kirk's Star Trek opening narration used to say. Well it isn't. The war over space going on at the moment is a battle for hearts and minds over cyber-space. And it's fascinating.
On the last Thursday of every month (yesterday) I have a quiet day in the company of a few, usually older, people. Average age yesterday was about 65 I'd guess. In the evening I have the town's Christian 18-25s round for a meal.
The day-time group got talking about their suspicion about the internet, reluctance to own music that wasn't somehow holdable in a box or sleeve, inability to conceive owning a book without owning paper and basically all the hang-ups you would expect from a generation who grew up before the information technology explosion. The language they were using was about exploration, 'I couldn't go there.' They made the world I'm blogging in now sound like a jungle full of scary creatures (hmm, good point).
The evening group have grown up with access to computers as a right not a privilege, use texts and mobiles to communicate all the time, get suspicious if someone hasn't updated their Facebook status for a while and find out if everything is OK, and so on. They have found a new space and gone in there fearlessly. Poisonous snakes? We'll see.
Hasn't it always been the case? It is the young and fit (with some exceptions) who explore, climb mountains, navigate river sources and go to the Moon. Part of being young is having less knowledge of risk and therefore being more interested in the exploration than the possible consequences. Some find out how fast you can drive round a corner safely by killing themselves, which is sad but will probably always be true for a few.
In the new digital world some may have their identities stolen or drop their e-readers in the swimming pool. By that process (of error and trial) devices will be made waterproof, shockproof and DNA protected (or something better).
Anyone can go on safari now. It's safe. We get the jabs. We have a guide. We can photograph lions. Only because some people were sick, lost and eaten. The unlucky got all three.
Cyberspace. It's just space. You can keep things there, own things there, explore things there. It's getting safer and safer. Come on in. Meanwhile the savvy are thinking, acting and working digitally and only making hard copy available if absolutely necessary.
(This essay will be available in paper form if I hear about demand.)
On the last Thursday of every month (yesterday) I have a quiet day in the company of a few, usually older, people. Average age yesterday was about 65 I'd guess. In the evening I have the town's Christian 18-25s round for a meal.
The day-time group got talking about their suspicion about the internet, reluctance to own music that wasn't somehow holdable in a box or sleeve, inability to conceive owning a book without owning paper and basically all the hang-ups you would expect from a generation who grew up before the information technology explosion. The language they were using was about exploration, 'I couldn't go there.' They made the world I'm blogging in now sound like a jungle full of scary creatures (hmm, good point).
The evening group have grown up with access to computers as a right not a privilege, use texts and mobiles to communicate all the time, get suspicious if someone hasn't updated their Facebook status for a while and find out if everything is OK, and so on. They have found a new space and gone in there fearlessly. Poisonous snakes? We'll see.
Hasn't it always been the case? It is the young and fit (with some exceptions) who explore, climb mountains, navigate river sources and go to the Moon. Part of being young is having less knowledge of risk and therefore being more interested in the exploration than the possible consequences. Some find out how fast you can drive round a corner safely by killing themselves, which is sad but will probably always be true for a few.
In the new digital world some may have their identities stolen or drop their e-readers in the swimming pool. By that process (of error and trial) devices will be made waterproof, shockproof and DNA protected (or something better).
Anyone can go on safari now. It's safe. We get the jabs. We have a guide. We can photograph lions. Only because some people were sick, lost and eaten. The unlucky got all three.
Cyberspace. It's just space. You can keep things there, own things there, explore things there. It's getting safer and safer. Come on in. Meanwhile the savvy are thinking, acting and working digitally and only making hard copy available if absolutely necessary.
(This essay will be available in paper form if I hear about demand.)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Beer and Footie
I managed to clear my evening diary so that I spent last night eating curry and drinking Tiger Beer in front of the Champions League Final. Thank you for neither organising a surprise birthday party or having a pastoral emergency. Appreciate it.
Privilege to watch the game as a neutral. Barcelona were outstanding and Man Utd only very slightly below par. Barca had three clear chances; two goals. Kept the ball for ages when they got it. Didn't mind passing to a marked player and trusted him not to lose it. No bookings. Perfect zonal marking when out of possession. Glad I watched it. Football of the highest quality.
Privilege to watch the game as a neutral. Barcelona were outstanding and Man Utd only very slightly below par. Barca had three clear chances; two goals. Kept the ball for ages when they got it. Didn't mind passing to a marked player and trusted him not to lose it. No bookings. Perfect zonal marking when out of possession. Glad I watched it. Football of the highest quality.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Interview Technique
A few months ago I was involved in an interview process. I met a number of interesting people for a post, all fine in their own ways, and was trying to listen to them in order, with other interviewers, to get a best fit. I had some one-to-one time with each candidate and decided to let them, as far as possible, set the agenda for our conversation. It seemed to me that what they chose to talk about would be illuminating.
In one case we agreed that, knowing little about each other, we would tell our stories. Now, in a 45 minute conversation, there need to be some limits to this. It was therefore interesting, allowing the other person to go first, to see what judgement they would make as to length of story. Ourselves. Once given the opportunity that is probably the topic about which we can speak at greatest length.
I felt this person went on a bit too long but not excessively. It came to my turn and after two or three sentences I was stopped with a, 'Can I just interrupt?' And, having noticed a connection between what I had just said and something not yet stated, I was given a further five minutes. Whilst there were other things that people had spotted to make this person inappropriate for the job, this incident alone was the reason I wasn't enthusiastic.
On another occasion, over a year ago now, one person ruled themselves out of the running for a job with their response to the opening question, 'Did you have a good journey?' I became bored after a minute or so. The reply went on so long I delivered the candidate late to the interview room from which I had come to get them.
If you have an interview soon be in the habit of timing your answers to questions. Know when one sentence is enough and then perhaps say, 'Would you like me to say more?' And try not to interrupt. It will infuriate far more often than it informs. And at an interview, 'How are you today' requires a one sentence answer and preferably one phrase or word.
In one case we agreed that, knowing little about each other, we would tell our stories. Now, in a 45 minute conversation, there need to be some limits to this. It was therefore interesting, allowing the other person to go first, to see what judgement they would make as to length of story. Ourselves. Once given the opportunity that is probably the topic about which we can speak at greatest length.
I felt this person went on a bit too long but not excessively. It came to my turn and after two or three sentences I was stopped with a, 'Can I just interrupt?' And, having noticed a connection between what I had just said and something not yet stated, I was given a further five minutes. Whilst there were other things that people had spotted to make this person inappropriate for the job, this incident alone was the reason I wasn't enthusiastic.
On another occasion, over a year ago now, one person ruled themselves out of the running for a job with their response to the opening question, 'Did you have a good journey?' I became bored after a minute or so. The reply went on so long I delivered the candidate late to the interview room from which I had come to get them.
If you have an interview soon be in the habit of timing your answers to questions. Know when one sentence is enough and then perhaps say, 'Would you like me to say more?' And try not to interrupt. It will infuriate far more often than it informs. And at an interview, 'How are you today' requires a one sentence answer and preferably one phrase or word.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Church Of England Newspaper April 2009
Those awfully nice people at the CEN not only give me a bit of pocket money for writing them a column every month (tithed and declared to the tax office missus) but also allow me to improve my blog by archiving the old columns. Here's April's:
A new theory of everything? How to deal with fear? Just some of the big questions answered at TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design). The most riveting speakers around are challenged to deliver the talks of their lives in 18 minutes (and no more) at an annual conference. The best of these are available for free on the site.
Of the many lessons I learned on a recent trip to Japan the most surprising was that toilet paper use is minimal over there. 'Cleansing with fresh running water is the most soothing and gentle way to remove germs and bacteria from your sensitive skin areas instead of using rough and abrasive tissue paper. Cleansing with fresh running water also reduces toilet paper use by 80%, which is an easy way to Go Green and save money.' Thus say the people from Mini-shower, anyway. Go and buy a bidet.
If you have travelled recently and would be happy to write up your experience for others then go to Been There. This site, run by the Guardian Newspaper (which has a great on-line reputation) enables you to record your travels and make recommendations. Travelling more locally, Driving with Dogs is the place to go if you want to exercise a dog within five minutes of a motorway junction.
Another interesting green site this month is Ecorattle, 'All that's shakin' in green baby news.' If you have, or want, a green baby do visit. That said they have a wonderful chess set for slightly older people made out of used car parts. The spark plugs move diagonally right?
In other green news, Each One Counts is a recycling site for old phones and inkjet printer cartridges. Junk Buster will put you in touch with the major schemes to stop unsolicited post. It's another step in an energy-saving direction.
If you read, or only saw, the book Change the World for a Fiver a few years back you will be familiar with the work of We Are What We Do. They describe themselves as follows: 'We're not another charity. We're not an institution. We (are) ... a movement. Our aim is to inspire people to use their everyday actions to change the world. Whoever they are. And wherever they are. And that includes you. We live by the maxim small actions x lots of people = big change. It’s not rocket science but it does work!'
Share is '...for all involved with fresh expressions of church - practitioners, people in training, encouragers, supporters and researchers.' It contains '... how-to-do-it advice on starting, developing and sustaining fresh expressions of church based on shared experiences.'
Philip Ritchie is a lay education and training officer at the Diocese of Chelmsford. He blogs at Phil's Treehouse. Expect reflections on faith, family, films and football. Flipping fancy. A minister, John Richardson, who happens to work in a village called Ugley didn't really have any choice but to blog as the Ugley Vicar. That he does. Good thoughts there recently, especially on the Bible and Christian doctrine. I came across the blog of Alastair Cutting on reading a link to his reflections on Hillsborough 1989. He had to face ministering to the bereaved families, on site, after a short time in his first curacy. Helpful and moving thoughts.
If you enjoy writing and want to improve there are many sites which will offer tips and hints, or simply put you in the company of the like-minded. For those who have not yet been published try the Emerging Writers Network, Ficticity (to sample fiction) and Authors Blogs (a hub of links to other blogs).
If you like being made to think by clever people who do not, necessarily, subscribe to a Christian way of seeing the world, may I commend Mark Vernon. He is a writer and philosopher and offers thoughts on meaning, speech, friendship and business amongst others. You can find links to his various books and he also blogs. He sets out his understanding of his 'principled agnosticism' on a Guardian Comment is Free page. That would be a good way in.
There are a few reflections on my eastern travel experience on my blog as well as archived copies of this column.
A new theory of everything? How to deal with fear? Just some of the big questions answered at TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design). The most riveting speakers around are challenged to deliver the talks of their lives in 18 minutes (and no more) at an annual conference. The best of these are available for free on the site.
Of the many lessons I learned on a recent trip to Japan the most surprising was that toilet paper use is minimal over there. 'Cleansing with fresh running water is the most soothing and gentle way to remove germs and bacteria from your sensitive skin areas instead of using rough and abrasive tissue paper. Cleansing with fresh running water also reduces toilet paper use by 80%, which is an easy way to Go Green and save money.' Thus say the people from Mini-shower, anyway. Go and buy a bidet.
If you have travelled recently and would be happy to write up your experience for others then go to Been There. This site, run by the Guardian Newspaper (which has a great on-line reputation) enables you to record your travels and make recommendations. Travelling more locally, Driving with Dogs is the place to go if you want to exercise a dog within five minutes of a motorway junction.
Another interesting green site this month is Ecorattle, 'All that's shakin' in green baby news.' If you have, or want, a green baby do visit. That said they have a wonderful chess set for slightly older people made out of used car parts. The spark plugs move diagonally right?
In other green news, Each One Counts is a recycling site for old phones and inkjet printer cartridges. Junk Buster will put you in touch with the major schemes to stop unsolicited post. It's another step in an energy-saving direction.
If you read, or only saw, the book Change the World for a Fiver a few years back you will be familiar with the work of We Are What We Do. They describe themselves as follows: 'We're not another charity. We're not an institution. We (are) ... a movement. Our aim is to inspire people to use their everyday actions to change the world. Whoever they are. And wherever they are. And that includes you. We live by the maxim small actions x lots of people = big change. It’s not rocket science but it does work!'
Share is '...for all involved with fresh expressions of church - practitioners, people in training, encouragers, supporters and researchers.' It contains '... how-to-do-it advice on starting, developing and sustaining fresh expressions of church based on shared experiences.'
Philip Ritchie is a lay education and training officer at the Diocese of Chelmsford. He blogs at Phil's Treehouse. Expect reflections on faith, family, films and football. Flipping fancy. A minister, John Richardson, who happens to work in a village called Ugley didn't really have any choice but to blog as the Ugley Vicar. That he does. Good thoughts there recently, especially on the Bible and Christian doctrine. I came across the blog of Alastair Cutting on reading a link to his reflections on Hillsborough 1989. He had to face ministering to the bereaved families, on site, after a short time in his first curacy. Helpful and moving thoughts.
If you enjoy writing and want to improve there are many sites which will offer tips and hints, or simply put you in the company of the like-minded. For those who have not yet been published try the Emerging Writers Network, Ficticity (to sample fiction) and Authors Blogs (a hub of links to other blogs).
If you like being made to think by clever people who do not, necessarily, subscribe to a Christian way of seeing the world, may I commend Mark Vernon. He is a writer and philosopher and offers thoughts on meaning, speech, friendship and business amongst others. You can find links to his various books and he also blogs. He sets out his understanding of his 'principled agnosticism' on a Guardian Comment is Free page. That would be a good way in.
There are a few reflections on my eastern travel experience on my blog as well as archived copies of this column.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Funny not ha ha
It just keeps on coming doesn't it? Moat cleaning. A duck house. Hob nobs. Already paid-off mortgages. Cost of upkeep of a house someone was living in rent free. Husband's porn viewing. A forest.
The busy-ness of our MPs (and bent or not we have to agree that most of them work pretty long hours) left them apparently throwing piles of receipts at the fees office which was then required to sort through and decide which were a valid claim and which not. From time to time errors were discovered and the more honourable members called foul on themselves and refunded them.
What seems to have developed over the years is a system where many things, which fitted the rules, were paid for when a moment's thought would have said that no-one in their right mind could possibly have imagined this expense was incurred wholly and necessarily in carrying out the duties of an MP. Also a practice where, because of the need to live near to the House of Commons for a division, a second home could be claimed for. Except that some 'flipped' which was their second home in order to claim expenses if one residence required more spending on its upkeep than the other.
At least, that is what I understand. The Daily Telegraph has the leaked document that tells us all this but it is so massive that it is taking them some time to get down it. And, of course, to keep selling their paper, they are releasing only one juicy tidbit per day.
Which takes us back to paragraph one. What next? A general election won't solve things yet. We need to be sure all the information is out before voting. How would it be if Cameron got in only for the Telegraph to say, as he takes office, 'Oh by the way he forgot to mention...' We need all those who have been blind to their own corporate short-comings to get out of the business, to fix the system and then have an election. It will be due about then anyway and the country will be coming out of recession so will feel better about itself.
I think this Labour government will be stuffed, blamed as the people who were at the helm when the iceberg was struck. It will be interesting to see how the country responds. I think the list of those who will eventually come through the whole thing with dignity might be quite short. Could Vince Cable, Glenda Jackson and Joanna Lumley form a government?
The Old Testament only ever saw its leaders in black or white. Good king or bad king. Godly or evil? We do well to recall from time to time that, even if we don't really believe it in our hearts, that it is good to live as those who will one day be called to account by someone or thing higher.
Now, where did I put the receipt for those hobnobs?
The busy-ness of our MPs (and bent or not we have to agree that most of them work pretty long hours) left them apparently throwing piles of receipts at the fees office which was then required to sort through and decide which were a valid claim and which not. From time to time errors were discovered and the more honourable members called foul on themselves and refunded them.
What seems to have developed over the years is a system where many things, which fitted the rules, were paid for when a moment's thought would have said that no-one in their right mind could possibly have imagined this expense was incurred wholly and necessarily in carrying out the duties of an MP. Also a practice where, because of the need to live near to the House of Commons for a division, a second home could be claimed for. Except that some 'flipped' which was their second home in order to claim expenses if one residence required more spending on its upkeep than the other.
At least, that is what I understand. The Daily Telegraph has the leaked document that tells us all this but it is so massive that it is taking them some time to get down it. And, of course, to keep selling their paper, they are releasing only one juicy tidbit per day.
Which takes us back to paragraph one. What next? A general election won't solve things yet. We need to be sure all the information is out before voting. How would it be if Cameron got in only for the Telegraph to say, as he takes office, 'Oh by the way he forgot to mention...' We need all those who have been blind to their own corporate short-comings to get out of the business, to fix the system and then have an election. It will be due about then anyway and the country will be coming out of recession so will feel better about itself.
I think this Labour government will be stuffed, blamed as the people who were at the helm when the iceberg was struck. It will be interesting to see how the country responds. I think the list of those who will eventually come through the whole thing with dignity might be quite short. Could Vince Cable, Glenda Jackson and Joanna Lumley form a government?
The Old Testament only ever saw its leaders in black or white. Good king or bad king. Godly or evil? We do well to recall from time to time that, even if we don't really believe it in our hearts, that it is good to live as those who will one day be called to account by someone or thing higher.
Now, where did I put the receipt for those hobnobs?
Friday, May 22, 2009
Independent
I am; are you? I guess that there will be a larger than usual number of candidates willing to stand as 'independents' in any forthcoming General Election. Good luck to them. Lively and hard-working independents have added a lot to Parliament over the years and there are too few of them.
Martin Bell held a seat for a while after the Hamilton scandal in Tatton. People have speculated that Esther Rantzen may stand in Luton and HRH Joanna Lumley of Nepal might well get in anywhere, bless.
Trouble is, as we found in recent by-elections, and the ridiculous situation in Tony Blair's own constituency in the 2005 General Election, all that happens when a lot of people stand as independents is they all lose their deposits - the price of being able to make a well-publicised speech following their inevitable defeat. One, I recall, blamed Blair for the death of his son, another sang the latest loony mantra. Remember Monster Raving Loonies are not independent; they belong to a party.
Here's a thought. In the absence of single transferable votes why not have a pre-election ballot for independents so that one, and one alone, can contest? It might work.
Martin Bell held a seat for a while after the Hamilton scandal in Tatton. People have speculated that Esther Rantzen may stand in Luton and HRH Joanna Lumley of Nepal might well get in anywhere, bless.
Trouble is, as we found in recent by-elections, and the ridiculous situation in Tony Blair's own constituency in the 2005 General Election, all that happens when a lot of people stand as independents is they all lose their deposits - the price of being able to make a well-publicised speech following their inevitable defeat. One, I recall, blamed Blair for the death of his son, another sang the latest loony mantra. Remember Monster Raving Loonies are not independent; they belong to a party.
Here's a thought. In the absence of single transferable votes why not have a pre-election ballot for independents so that one, and one alone, can contest? It might work.
Potato Salad
As a child I was taken by my folks from time to time to a place in the centre of Birmingham called the Ceylon Tea Centre. It was in the days before I enjoyed tea but I guess pop and cake probably kept me happy enough. One day they opened a restaurant upstairs called The Salad Centre.
I found a feeling of strange dread come over me that I would be required to eat things such as lettuce and tomatoes on their own.
Thankfully the restaurant had little to do with the country then known as Ceylon (Sri Lanka now) and I found they had scotch eggs or pork pie. I was encouraged to try one salad item (you could choose three to accompany your 'main' thing). I noticed spuds so chose a potato salad.
Friends, it was mind-blowing. And that dish is still one of my main comfort foods, especially when too many potatoes have been cooked for Sunday lunch. I like it so much that whenever we have guests for Sunday lunch I try to make a point of cooking too many potatoes.
You will need to mix together:
I found a feeling of strange dread come over me that I would be required to eat things such as lettuce and tomatoes on their own.
Thankfully the restaurant had little to do with the country then known as Ceylon (Sri Lanka now) and I found they had scotch eggs or pork pie. I was encouraged to try one salad item (you could choose three to accompany your 'main' thing). I noticed spuds so chose a potato salad.
Friends, it was mind-blowing. And that dish is still one of my main comfort foods, especially when too many potatoes have been cooked for Sunday lunch. I like it so much that whenever we have guests for Sunday lunch I try to make a point of cooking too many potatoes.
You will need to mix together:
- Cold boiled potatoes, preferably having been tossed in butter yesterday, cut into 1 cm cubes
- A spoonful or two of mayonnaise
- Black pepper
- A few pieces of crumbled brie (other cheese will do)
- 1 chopped spring onion
- A handful of sultanas (raisins will do)
What Does the Vicar Do All Day Part 154 or Something
Haven't done one of these for a while and it's been an interesting week. Rumours that I only do this when I've had a really busy week without time for quiet, prayer or contemplation are pretty much spot on. I therefore make the promise that I will chronicle the first week at random requested in the comment box.
Sunday 17th
0730 Hour's preparation and prayer
0930 Travel to Trendlewood Church to preach, preside and co-lead a presentation on our church buildings projects
1230 Home to entertain two families ( 4 adult guests and 4 children) for Sunday lunch. Thankfully the ham and chicken provide the basic content for most of my meals for the rest of the week
1530 Tidy up (30 mins)
Monday 18th
0800 Desk for admin and prayer then travel to...
0900 Morning Prayer, brief chat in parish office, then on to...
0945 Hour's supervision meeting with colleague
1100 Desk for admin and preparation (2 hours)
1400 Further desk time (2 hours)
1720 To Bristol to hear Marcus du Soutoy (Home 1935)
Tuesday 19th
0800 Desk for admin and prayer (1 hour)
1000 Church staff meeting (2 hours)
1200 Pastoral appointment (1 hour)
1315 Drive to Wells for Diocesan Mission and Evangelism group meeting (home 1730)
1920 Church Council (part-chaired) major discussion on buildings projects (home 2005)
Wednesday 20th
0730 Desk for admin and prayer (1 hour)
1000 Pastoral appointment ( 50 mins)
1100 Desk for admin and preparation (90 mins)
1245 Visit parish office and then on to Trendlewood Pastoral Group meeting (ends 1430)
1530 Desk for admin (clear email in box) then travel to
1730 Evening Prayer (home 1815)
1900 Travel to Deanery Synod (our church is hosting) (home 2200 after thanking and encouraging contributors and refreshments providers then rearranging furniture)
2200 Desk for one piece of final admin I promised someone I'd do (30 mins)
Thursday 21st
0715 Gather food for staff prayer breakfast then travel and prepare
0800 Prayer breakfast and wash up
0920 Reading and prep in Upper Room at Church whilst waiting for
1010 Ascension Day Communion (play keys as people enter)
1030 Lead, preach and preside at this short, said service (21 present)
1130 Travel to Cheddar (45 mins) then eat sandwich in car and stretch legs
1300 Christian Union at Kings of Wessex School (lively discussion on homosexuality) (home1435)
1500 Pastoral meeting. Interviewed by local clergyman doing MA on Fresh Expressions of Church and the Eucharist. Mind stretching time. Good questions. (one hour)
1815 Evening looking after children for church family while adults go to movies. Some of our church families use up their regular baby-sitters attending church meetings. 90 minutes of games and stories then catch up on newspapers (home 2240).
Friday 22nd
Day off.
Saturday 23rd
Tomorrow I will do such preparation and reactive ministry as comes my way but I have no appointments.
Sunday 17th
0730 Hour's preparation and prayer
0930 Travel to Trendlewood Church to preach, preside and co-lead a presentation on our church buildings projects
1230 Home to entertain two families ( 4 adult guests and 4 children) for Sunday lunch. Thankfully the ham and chicken provide the basic content for most of my meals for the rest of the week
1530 Tidy up (30 mins)
Monday 18th
0800 Desk for admin and prayer then travel to...
0900 Morning Prayer, brief chat in parish office, then on to...
0945 Hour's supervision meeting with colleague
1100 Desk for admin and preparation (2 hours)
1400 Further desk time (2 hours)
1720 To Bristol to hear Marcus du Soutoy (Home 1935)
Tuesday 19th
0800 Desk for admin and prayer (1 hour)
1000 Church staff meeting (2 hours)
1200 Pastoral appointment (1 hour)
1315 Drive to Wells for Diocesan Mission and Evangelism group meeting (home 1730)
1920 Church Council (part-chaired) major discussion on buildings projects (home 2005)
Wednesday 20th
0730 Desk for admin and prayer (1 hour)
1000 Pastoral appointment ( 50 mins)
1100 Desk for admin and preparation (90 mins)
1245 Visit parish office and then on to Trendlewood Pastoral Group meeting (ends 1430)
1530 Desk for admin (clear email in box) then travel to
1730 Evening Prayer (home 1815)
1900 Travel to Deanery Synod (our church is hosting) (home 2200 after thanking and encouraging contributors and refreshments providers then rearranging furniture)
2200 Desk for one piece of final admin I promised someone I'd do (30 mins)
Thursday 21st
0715 Gather food for staff prayer breakfast then travel and prepare
0800 Prayer breakfast and wash up
0920 Reading and prep in Upper Room at Church whilst waiting for
1010 Ascension Day Communion (play keys as people enter)
1030 Lead, preach and preside at this short, said service (21 present)
1130 Travel to Cheddar (45 mins) then eat sandwich in car and stretch legs
1300 Christian Union at Kings of Wessex School (lively discussion on homosexuality) (home1435)
1500 Pastoral meeting. Interviewed by local clergyman doing MA on Fresh Expressions of Church and the Eucharist. Mind stretching time. Good questions. (one hour)
1815 Evening looking after children for church family while adults go to movies. Some of our church families use up their regular baby-sitters attending church meetings. 90 minutes of games and stories then catch up on newspapers (home 2240).
Friday 22nd
Day off.
Saturday 23rd
Tomorrow I will do such preparation and reactive ministry as comes my way but I have no appointments.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
If You Can
If you can take 30 minutes of business and force it into a two hour meeting...
If you can announce the exciting coach outing to Hereford and show no shame...
If you can drink weak tea and thank the providers for their tremendous hospitality...
If you can praise the musicianship of the wobbly soprano choir...
If you can dress appropriately for a hall that will be too hot or too cold but never just right...
If you can know that content is nothing; finishing on time is all...
If you can thank the guest for his insight when he brought none...
If you can thank the speaker for her passion when she was limp...
If you can handle all sorts of microphones and treat them each as nought...
If you can see beyond the dust and grime of old churches...
If you can see men, if only in your mind's eye...
If you can liase with bishops and wardens...
Then you'll be a Rural Dean my son. Good luck to you.
If you can announce the exciting coach outing to Hereford and show no shame...
If you can drink weak tea and thank the providers for their tremendous hospitality...
If you can praise the musicianship of the wobbly soprano choir...
If you can dress appropriately for a hall that will be too hot or too cold but never just right...
If you can know that content is nothing; finishing on time is all...
If you can thank the guest for his insight when he brought none...
If you can thank the speaker for her passion when she was limp...
If you can handle all sorts of microphones and treat them each as nought...
If you can see beyond the dust and grime of old churches...
If you can see men, if only in your mind's eye...
If you can liase with bishops and wardens...
Then you'll be a Rural Dean my son. Good luck to you.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
What is the Church for?
The church is there to create the space in which people can find that they have been found by God.
But, we need to flesh this out a little.
The message of the Bible can be summarised as follows:
If you want to know what God looks like, look at Jesus. If you want to know what Jesus looks like, read the Gospels and look at the church. Which is a scary thought.
These quotes are from Bishop Nick Baines blog. I commend his blog for its insight and willingness to address controversial topics. But I do the usual trick of the pompous writer. I publish his quote because I agree with it. Utterly.
Now. Is our church worth looking at? If people look, will they see Jesus?
But, we need to flesh this out a little.
The message of the Bible can be summarised as follows:
If you want to know what God looks like, look at Jesus. If you want to know what Jesus looks like, read the Gospels and look at the church. Which is a scary thought.
These quotes are from Bishop Nick Baines blog. I commend his blog for its insight and willingness to address controversial topics. But I do the usual trick of the pompous writer. I publish his quote because I agree with it. Utterly.
Now. Is our church worth looking at? If people look, will they see Jesus?
The Re-spun News
Notwithstanding his inabilities and limitations, which have been high-lighted over the last few years, MPs have now found the possibility of a scape-goat in Michael Martin, the Speaker of the House of Commons. They are demanding he leaves office because he has handled the way they have connived and cheated very badly. It is as if the crooks would like to suggest that the trial judge, though correct, found them guilty, very badly.
Marks and Spencers, in a time of global recession, still made a massive £400,000,000 profit (£706m pre-tax) in the last trading year. Total sales rose year on year and they are paying a dividend to their shareholders.
Marks and Spencers, in a time of global recession, still made a massive £400,000,000 profit (£706m pre-tax) in the last trading year. Total sales rose year on year and they are paying a dividend to their shareholders.
Marcus du Soutoy
I enjoyed Marcus last night. Few mathematics professors in my experience wear lime green trousers, pink velour trackie tops and yellow T-shirts with buzz cut, possibly bleached, hair. Weird but cool. Good communicator.
He gave a brilliant, one hour, illustrated lecture which should leave the few children who were there fascinated by numbers for the rest of their lives. Advice on choosing lottery numbers so you don't share the winnings, why footballs spin rapidly as they slow, number series, primes and movie clips.
'Is mathematics creativity or discovery,' someone asked. Good question, said Marcus.
Key message for me, 'Are you sure you're asking the right questions?' When maths gets complicated, mathematicians try to make sure they are asking the right questions. It enabled them to predict how the rarity of prime numbers expands (they get rarer the larger the number). You can say how many there will be without yet knowing a formula for finding the next one. I might not have put that right, not being a mathematician. There are prizes for finding big prime numbers. That's how hard it is, but you can programme your computer to do it during its down time.
I will try to go to more of this festival next year. The ticket cost £6.
He gave a brilliant, one hour, illustrated lecture which should leave the few children who were there fascinated by numbers for the rest of their lives. Advice on choosing lottery numbers so you don't share the winnings, why footballs spin rapidly as they slow, number series, primes and movie clips.
'Is mathematics creativity or discovery,' someone asked. Good question, said Marcus.
Key message for me, 'Are you sure you're asking the right questions?' When maths gets complicated, mathematicians try to make sure they are asking the right questions. It enabled them to predict how the rarity of prime numbers expands (they get rarer the larger the number). You can say how many there will be without yet knowing a formula for finding the next one. I might not have put that right, not being a mathematician. There are prizes for finding big prime numbers. That's how hard it is, but you can programme your computer to do it during its down time.
I will try to go to more of this festival next year. The ticket cost £6.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Ideas
Working in the Diocese of Bath and Wells, although living but seven miles from the centre of Bristol, I tend to find myself gazing across the Mendips when I should be thinking city. Thus I have chanced a little late on the scene of the Bristol Festival of Ideas.
Tonight I am looking forward to hearing Marcus du Sautoy, the University of Oxford Simonyi Professor for the Public Understanding of Science (he took over from Richard Dawkins recently).
Alain de Botton, Michale Frain and Monica Ali stood out amongst many fine speakers over the festival. I'll diary it next year.
Tonight I am looking forward to hearing Marcus du Sautoy, the University of Oxford Simonyi Professor for the Public Understanding of Science (he took over from Richard Dawkins recently).
Alain de Botton, Michale Frain and Monica Ali stood out amongst many fine speakers over the festival. I'll diary it next year.
Eurovision
Missed Eurovision? Not to worry. MSS brings you the lowdown on the songs to save you having to listen to them. Lyric snatches are best guesses.
The adjustment to the judging system this year meant that there was less chance of block votes being over-influential. That said there was no adjustment to the song-writing system and so we were presented with a rather greater selection of boring old tosh than usual.
Full marks to the Russians for not having long gaps between acts; twenty-five songs were all over inside two hours to make space for the voting - the bit most people are interested in.
The jury is still out on Graham Norton. Tel's boots are hard to fill and Norton tried hard. Possibly he hinted just a little too much that he'd heard stuff before and been an 'insider.' But he didn't spoil it and deserves another year.
Lithuania
Betrilbyed crooner playing gentle piano riff which mysteriously continued when he left the piano. Backing singers dresses reassuringly short. Bodes well for the ogling community. Appropriate start. Lead singer ended by setting his hand on fire.
Israel
An Arab and a Jew singing, 'There must be another way' in English. The verses were in other languages so they may also have been trading insults. 'When I cry, I cry for both of us.' Exactly. Ended by playing percussion on empty Castrol GTX-shaped cans. Knew it was all about oil really.
France
Heroin chic. So 1990s. 'Maintenant c'est printemps aussi en Francais' or quelque chose.
Sweden
'Can you keep a secret? I'm in love with you.' Oops. Accidentally shared it with the whole of Europe. Dead mink clawed their way up her dress as the new genre of techno-opera was born.
Croatia
Black clothes. Wind tunnel. White clothes.
Portugal
Finding appropriate garments for the fat lass. Always a chore. Only Los Lobos can do a cool accordion solo and they were nowhere to be seen. Three to one on that the bongo player is gay.
Iceland
Correct Eurovision-winner rhythm. Great teeth. First key change of the evening.
Greece
You wait seven songs for a key change and then... There have been some great Eurovision dance routines over the years. This lot should have videod them. Pumping dance anthem.
Armenia
Cracking intro. Everything changed when the tune started. Go West on a bad day. 'Ti di di ti di di ti di di dum. Sister move your body.' Key change. 'Jump it up with a log fire.' Might have misheard that last bit.
Russia
Wore a beach towel. Sang flat. Got older. They so don't want to have to pay to stage this again.
Azerbaijan
Always fun to spot which of the backing singers felt disappointed not to be up front. In this case it was all of them. Each female performer had one leg painted gold.
Bosnia Herzogovina
Little Drummer Boy by Take Thatski.
Moldova
You will have experienced the novelty act at the pantomime. Final scene of Act 1.
Malta
The fat lady sings but it's not over yet. Key change. Hell of a voice. Not visual.
Estonia
Rhythm and stringy. Almost OK. 6th.
Denmark
A band. A song. A chance. Came 13th. What do we know?
Germany
Oh dear. 'Do the heedy hi haz. Do the houchy bang bang.' Minnie mouched.
Turkey
Dreadful. Dreadful. Dreadful. Could win. 4th.
Albania
White faces are acceptable only for mimes.
Norway
Sweet Norwegian story. Bore no relation to the music. In keeping with the tradition that the song you think most unlikely to do well usually wins, it won.
Ukraine
Three silver MDF hamster wheels. Scanty clothing. 'Baby, baby you're so high - be my, be my Valentine. Three months late love. You are scratchy bum.' Roman centurions on stage.
Romania
Something fishy. Graham Norton pointed out the vocalist also on stage on whom the camera never focused.
UK
Andrew Lloyd-Webber live on piano. Singer had a good voice bar one slip. Dreadful song. Key change. Words didn't all fit in her mouth.
Finland
The Fins have become Eurovision's novelty act but this year they tried to tick all the boxes that have previously delivered success. Rap. Fire. Clichés. We had to wait 23 acts for frocks as tight as the Lithuanian's. Stopped rather than ended.
Spain
Power pop with a big-nosed dancer. 'Come on and take me; come on and shake me.'
Enjoyable evening.
The adjustment to the judging system this year meant that there was less chance of block votes being over-influential. That said there was no adjustment to the song-writing system and so we were presented with a rather greater selection of boring old tosh than usual.
Full marks to the Russians for not having long gaps between acts; twenty-five songs were all over inside two hours to make space for the voting - the bit most people are interested in.
The jury is still out on Graham Norton. Tel's boots are hard to fill and Norton tried hard. Possibly he hinted just a little too much that he'd heard stuff before and been an 'insider.' But he didn't spoil it and deserves another year.
Lithuania
Betrilbyed crooner playing gentle piano riff which mysteriously continued when he left the piano. Backing singers dresses reassuringly short. Bodes well for the ogling community. Appropriate start. Lead singer ended by setting his hand on fire.
Israel
An Arab and a Jew singing, 'There must be another way' in English. The verses were in other languages so they may also have been trading insults. 'When I cry, I cry for both of us.' Exactly. Ended by playing percussion on empty Castrol GTX-shaped cans. Knew it was all about oil really.
France
Heroin chic. So 1990s. 'Maintenant c'est printemps aussi en Francais' or quelque chose.
Sweden
'Can you keep a secret? I'm in love with you.' Oops. Accidentally shared it with the whole of Europe. Dead mink clawed their way up her dress as the new genre of techno-opera was born.
Croatia
Black clothes. Wind tunnel. White clothes.
Portugal
Finding appropriate garments for the fat lass. Always a chore. Only Los Lobos can do a cool accordion solo and they were nowhere to be seen. Three to one on that the bongo player is gay.
Iceland
Correct Eurovision-winner rhythm. Great teeth. First key change of the evening.
Greece
You wait seven songs for a key change and then... There have been some great Eurovision dance routines over the years. This lot should have videod them. Pumping dance anthem.
Armenia
Cracking intro. Everything changed when the tune started. Go West on a bad day. 'Ti di di ti di di ti di di dum. Sister move your body.' Key change. 'Jump it up with a log fire.' Might have misheard that last bit.
Russia
Wore a beach towel. Sang flat. Got older. They so don't want to have to pay to stage this again.
Azerbaijan
Always fun to spot which of the backing singers felt disappointed not to be up front. In this case it was all of them. Each female performer had one leg painted gold.
Bosnia Herzogovina
Little Drummer Boy by Take Thatski.
Moldova
You will have experienced the novelty act at the pantomime. Final scene of Act 1.
Malta
The fat lady sings but it's not over yet. Key change. Hell of a voice. Not visual.
Estonia
Rhythm and stringy. Almost OK. 6th.
Denmark
A band. A song. A chance. Came 13th. What do we know?
Germany
Oh dear. 'Do the heedy hi haz. Do the houchy bang bang.' Minnie mouched.
Turkey
Dreadful. Dreadful. Dreadful. Could win. 4th.
Albania
White faces are acceptable only for mimes.
Norway
Sweet Norwegian story. Bore no relation to the music. In keeping with the tradition that the song you think most unlikely to do well usually wins, it won.
Ukraine
Three silver MDF hamster wheels. Scanty clothing. 'Baby, baby you're so high - be my, be my Valentine. Three months late love. You are scratchy bum.' Roman centurions on stage.
Romania
Something fishy. Graham Norton pointed out the vocalist also on stage on whom the camera never focused.
UK
Andrew Lloyd-Webber live on piano. Singer had a good voice bar one slip. Dreadful song. Key change. Words didn't all fit in her mouth.
Finland
The Fins have become Eurovision's novelty act but this year they tried to tick all the boxes that have previously delivered success. Rap. Fire. Clichés. We had to wait 23 acts for frocks as tight as the Lithuanian's. Stopped rather than ended.
Spain
Power pop with a big-nosed dancer. 'Come on and take me; come on and shake me.'
Enjoyable evening.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Star Trek
Went to see the new Star Trek (the prequel) yesterday. I'm not a trekkie but people I trust recommended it highly. They were right. Two hours plus shot past. Go.
Digest
Well what a week it's been. Apologies that there have been fewer posts than usual recently but, what with the atmosphere in the newspapers and other media, MSS felt it essential to clean its own moat and change its own light bulbs this week. Of course everything MSS has claimed under the heading 'expenses' has been entirely within the rules set down by a clergy-dominated synodical system so fair play is guaranteed. We would however like it to be known that 'reading breaks' will in future be held more locally and almost always on this continent and that reimbursed claims for the mortgage on the Diocesan tied accommodation have all been re-reimbursed.
To weightier matters. Oh, except for this. Notice this list below of the total amount now repaid by MPs:
Labour...................£102,216
Conservative............£20,626.83
Liberal Democrat.........£2,754.76
Other........................£2,730
£128,327.59
Is it just possible that the Guardian, in the way it typeset these figures, was grinding an axe of any sort? I only ask.
It is amazing that politicians now have the opportunity of enjoying the sort of corporate reputation some clergy experience when a local priest is sent to jail for child abuse, or found to have committed some other misdemeanour. The guilty get safely locked away or moved on and the innocent take the brunt of the verbals. There are honest politicians who haven't taken advantage of the system but no-one seems to care. They will have to do a few years of outstanding public service to get their reputations back. In the meantime there may be inroads for a few good, local independents who stand on the issues and can drum up support.
For the forthcoming European elections I have had material from the Labour Party (don't trust the conservatives) and the BNP (don't trust anyone not from round here). I think the general view might be not to vote for anyone. It's tempting but I won't do it. I may end up voting for the person who is least bad of a bad bunch but I will vote.
It's been the sort of week where a digest of what has happened seems to be stuck on 'repeat.' As Ian Hislop said on Have I Got News for You last night, it is amazing that any of these fiddling stories would have been the headline any other week. Once again MSS needs to offer its resignation from the world of satire due to unreasonable competition from real life.
Now, where did we put that tax return?
To weightier matters. Oh, except for this. Notice this list below of the total amount now repaid by MPs:
Labour...................£102,216
Conservative............£20,626.83
Liberal Democrat.........£2,754.76
Other........................£2,730
£128,327.59
Is it just possible that the Guardian, in the way it typeset these figures, was grinding an axe of any sort? I only ask.
It is amazing that politicians now have the opportunity of enjoying the sort of corporate reputation some clergy experience when a local priest is sent to jail for child abuse, or found to have committed some other misdemeanour. The guilty get safely locked away or moved on and the innocent take the brunt of the verbals. There are honest politicians who haven't taken advantage of the system but no-one seems to care. They will have to do a few years of outstanding public service to get their reputations back. In the meantime there may be inroads for a few good, local independents who stand on the issues and can drum up support.
For the forthcoming European elections I have had material from the Labour Party (don't trust the conservatives) and the BNP (don't trust anyone not from round here). I think the general view might be not to vote for anyone. It's tempting but I won't do it. I may end up voting for the person who is least bad of a bad bunch but I will vote.
It's been the sort of week where a digest of what has happened seems to be stuck on 'repeat.' As Ian Hislop said on Have I Got News for You last night, it is amazing that any of these fiddling stories would have been the headline any other week. Once again MSS needs to offer its resignation from the world of satire due to unreasonable competition from real life.
Now, where did we put that tax return?
Friday, May 15, 2009
Word Verification
Has anyone else noticed the way word verification software has started to offer not so much random selections of letters as streams that look as if they ought to be words?
Commenting on a blog just now I was invited to type climpsal. It got me wondering what one of those would be?
The noise of a trimmed toe-nail hitting the bottom of the bin? The period of time spent waiting for the hair straighteners to heat up? The experience of realising that you would be more comfortable not putting weight on one of your ankles? More examples please.
Commenting on a blog just now I was invited to type climpsal. It got me wondering what one of those would be?
The noise of a trimmed toe-nail hitting the bottom of the bin? The period of time spent waiting for the hair straighteners to heat up? The experience of realising that you would be more comfortable not putting weight on one of your ankles? More examples please.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Expenses
I was about 20 years old and had worked at Eagle Star Insurance for a couple of years. I worked in the Claims Department, a place that pioneered the expression 'just say no' long before the anti-drugs campaigners dug it up. Our other motto, 'When the boss comes round try not to look busy.'
The first time I ventured out on behalf of the company, missing a meal time, I was told I could claim for my mileage and lunch. I put in a claim for a sandwich and half a tank of petrol. I would have had difficulty spending the full mileage rate on my little green 850 Mini without doubling its value.
So my claim went in and, on being asked to sign the cheque requisition, one of my colleagues complained. The basis was that if I claimed less than the full amount (even though I hadn't spent it) the company would tell everyone else they could manage on less. So rather than two receipts they wanted me to claim 150 miles at the going rate and the full meal out allowance. If I had stayed in the office I would have had a nice, free lunch.
I refused. The Staff Association rep took me into a small interview room and invited me to consider whether or not I wanted a reputation as a trouble-maker. This would have been in the highly unionised and politicised working environment of 1975 Birmingham. I backed down. 20 years old and I wasn't so stubborn in those days. Actually I probably was but pragmatically didn't want to lose all my friends in one fell swoop.
Sometimes you don't notice that your organisation has adopted closed-shop practices that will be obviously ridiculous to the outside-world. Within two years the free lunches stopped, only company cars could be used for outside journeys and all expenses claims had to be supported by receipts. If you play the system remember the system is the banker and the odds are stacked in its favour.
The first time I ventured out on behalf of the company, missing a meal time, I was told I could claim for my mileage and lunch. I put in a claim for a sandwich and half a tank of petrol. I would have had difficulty spending the full mileage rate on my little green 850 Mini without doubling its value.
So my claim went in and, on being asked to sign the cheque requisition, one of my colleagues complained. The basis was that if I claimed less than the full amount (even though I hadn't spent it) the company would tell everyone else they could manage on less. So rather than two receipts they wanted me to claim 150 miles at the going rate and the full meal out allowance. If I had stayed in the office I would have had a nice, free lunch.
I refused. The Staff Association rep took me into a small interview room and invited me to consider whether or not I wanted a reputation as a trouble-maker. This would have been in the highly unionised and politicised working environment of 1975 Birmingham. I backed down. 20 years old and I wasn't so stubborn in those days. Actually I probably was but pragmatically didn't want to lose all my friends in one fell swoop.
Sometimes you don't notice that your organisation has adopted closed-shop practices that will be obviously ridiculous to the outside-world. Within two years the free lunches stopped, only company cars could be used for outside journeys and all expenses claims had to be supported by receipts. If you play the system remember the system is the banker and the odds are stacked in its favour.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Brown Needs a War
When spending a bit of time with the news media and commentators, themes sometimes emerge that the user of one source might miss. Three or four separate writers last week said that Brown needed a war, pointing especially to the alarming state of Maggie Thatcher's popularity in 1982 before the Falkland Islands were invaded. Blair seemed to have regular conflicts pop up to aid his reputation. No matter what the state of play at home a government will usually be supported when the forces are fighting.
And other good things come from war. Only this week I was reading, in a surprisingly punchy Guardian supplement sponsored by the plastics industry, that corneal lens replacements were invented by a surgeon in 1944ish who noticed that perspex shards of cockpit cover in pilot's eyes were not rejected by the host.
War tends to make those at the (sorry) cutting edge of technology work faster. Almost as if their lives depended on it.
We don't want to copy Wag the Dog. So how can we act as if we are working to win a war without having a war? How can we expend more energy solving problems and less sticking the knife into our leaders? Maybe Gordon ought to declare war on recession.
And other good things come from war. Only this week I was reading, in a surprisingly punchy Guardian supplement sponsored by the plastics industry, that corneal lens replacements were invented by a surgeon in 1944ish who noticed that perspex shards of cockpit cover in pilot's eyes were not rejected by the host.
War tends to make those at the (sorry) cutting edge of technology work faster. Almost as if their lives depended on it.
We don't want to copy Wag the Dog. So how can we act as if we are working to win a war without having a war? How can we expend more energy solving problems and less sticking the knife into our leaders? Maybe Gordon ought to declare war on recession.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Prolonged Agony
Hull City 1 Stoke City 2
West Brom 3 Wigan Athletic 1
The season will contain hope for a few more days. Could someone please put West Bromwich Albion out of my misery.
West Brom 3 Wigan Athletic 1
The season will contain hope for a few more days. Could someone please put West Bromwich Albion out of my misery.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Dirty Mirrors
I have been reading P. J. O'Rourke. I know, I know, I'll include it in my next confession. It is so annoying when a brilliantly funny satirist is also a gobby Republican. I feel equally guilty chuckling at Jeremy Clarkson, someone who makes me roll about the floor clutching my stomach whilst nurturing many new and convoluted ideas as to how he might die horribly in a caravan accident.
I don't often buy books on the basis of the title but I first found P. J., as I will chummily refer to him now, when browsing. All the Trouble in the World (the lighter side of war, death, pestilence and famine) had me hooked and didn't disappoint.
At the moment his book The CEO of the Sofa is helping me laugh my way to sleep. It's worth buying alone for his essay on why wine tasting is best carried out drunk.
I feel rather guilty about using put-down humour. It doesn't much stop me as you know, but if I were a journalist not a priest I would be mining a thick seam of comedy fuel in my regular visits to the centre of Nailsea, local churches and almost everything containing the word Deanery, Synod or both. Who could fail to be amusing whilst clutching a freshly printed copy of Archdeacon's Visitation News? Sponsored by Ecclesiastical Insurance - for those occasions when the premiums of the many need to compensate for the acts of God on the few.
Of many bon mots I particularly liked, 'If considering a change of architect (for whatever reason) parishes are encouraged to speak with the Archdeacon first.' Subtext - Archdeacons have a long list of architects from whom we should stay a minimum of bargepole distance. I advocate the Bond-villain method - take the architect outside; see that some harm comes to him. Also, 'Remember you are not obliged to use your church architect for everything.' Damn. I was going to get her to do the flowers.
The comedian usually shines a mirror at the audience. We look at ourselves and laugh. Trouble with the church (and how many ways could this sentence end?) is that the only mirror is in the vestry and in need of a clean. When used in the body of the church it tends to scare the natives. Whilst trying to avoid the temptation to stand on a soapbox and scream 'I am well balanced and moderate' I think we need a bit of stand-up ecclesiology. Well balanced and moderate can come across as alarmingly lefty in the C of E.
Last night, at the Archdeacon's Visitation, whilst I was taking bets as to how many of the choir would fail to make it down the single, three-inch step off the dais, I wondered. Has the church joined the massed ranks of organisations so far removed from reality that it is unable to laugh at itself? Don't get me wrong. Lovely people. Lovely. We're just a bit funnier than we realise.
I loved the moment when the Rural Dean, having welcomed our Baptist and Methodist guests, stated, after a lively Guide Me O Thou Great Redeemer, 'Who says Anglican can't sing?' So weren't the guests singing then?
Next time I apply for a job (which may be soon if too many people actually read this) I will put down under hobbies, 'manufacture of chemical poisons, strangling small animals and introducing 21st century music into church services.' Guess which one they'll ask me about?
Well now it's been good chatting to you but, by the clever manoeuvre of last week's day off to this week, which contains a Bank Holiday, I have completed my two days work and now intend to have this week's day off followed by a light Saturday. You'll find my invoice for being amusing hidden in the expenses claim. Thanks P.J.
(Sponsored by Archy Deacon's scrap metal services - home of the easily lead)
I don't often buy books on the basis of the title but I first found P. J., as I will chummily refer to him now, when browsing. All the Trouble in the World (the lighter side of war, death, pestilence and famine) had me hooked and didn't disappoint.
At the moment his book The CEO of the Sofa is helping me laugh my way to sleep. It's worth buying alone for his essay on why wine tasting is best carried out drunk.
I feel rather guilty about using put-down humour. It doesn't much stop me as you know, but if I were a journalist not a priest I would be mining a thick seam of comedy fuel in my regular visits to the centre of Nailsea, local churches and almost everything containing the word Deanery, Synod or both. Who could fail to be amusing whilst clutching a freshly printed copy of Archdeacon's Visitation News? Sponsored by Ecclesiastical Insurance - for those occasions when the premiums of the many need to compensate for the acts of God on the few.
Of many bon mots I particularly liked, 'If considering a change of architect (for whatever reason) parishes are encouraged to speak with the Archdeacon first.' Subtext - Archdeacons have a long list of architects from whom we should stay a minimum of bargepole distance. I advocate the Bond-villain method - take the architect outside; see that some harm comes to him. Also, 'Remember you are not obliged to use your church architect for everything.' Damn. I was going to get her to do the flowers.
The comedian usually shines a mirror at the audience. We look at ourselves and laugh. Trouble with the church (and how many ways could this sentence end?) is that the only mirror is in the vestry and in need of a clean. When used in the body of the church it tends to scare the natives. Whilst trying to avoid the temptation to stand on a soapbox and scream 'I am well balanced and moderate' I think we need a bit of stand-up ecclesiology. Well balanced and moderate can come across as alarmingly lefty in the C of E.
Last night, at the Archdeacon's Visitation, whilst I was taking bets as to how many of the choir would fail to make it down the single, three-inch step off the dais, I wondered. Has the church joined the massed ranks of organisations so far removed from reality that it is unable to laugh at itself? Don't get me wrong. Lovely people. Lovely. We're just a bit funnier than we realise.
I loved the moment when the Rural Dean, having welcomed our Baptist and Methodist guests, stated, after a lively Guide Me O Thou Great Redeemer, 'Who says Anglican can't sing?' So weren't the guests singing then?
Next time I apply for a job (which may be soon if too many people actually read this) I will put down under hobbies, 'manufacture of chemical poisons, strangling small animals and introducing 21st century music into church services.' Guess which one they'll ask me about?
Well now it's been good chatting to you but, by the clever manoeuvre of last week's day off to this week, which contains a Bank Holiday, I have completed my two days work and now intend to have this week's day off followed by a light Saturday. You'll find my invoice for being amusing hidden in the expenses claim. Thanks P.J.
(Sponsored by Archy Deacon's scrap metal services - home of the easily lead)
Dear Sports Commentators
For the last few years the tackle from behind has been outlawed. The exception to this is if the tackler gets the ball cleanly without first contacting the opponent. The rule was brought in to prevent the argument 'I got the ball' when the Savages and Bartons of this world had studded the back of a knee or broken an ankle in order to achieve same.
Referees have been required to interpret this rule and have been slightly lenient if there is a minimal 'brushing' contact and the ball is taken away from the opponent completely.
And so to last Tuesday's Champions League semi-final second leg between Arsenal and Manchester United. Fabrigas through on goal and Darren Fletcher comes from behind to tackle him. Does he get the ball? Yes, but he doesn't push it away from danger, simply prods it a little to the side. Does he touch Fabrigas before he gets the ball? Yes. Slightly? No, he has his hand on his shoulder pulling down and his thigh against Fabrigas' thigh affecting balance. Fletcher then continues to tangle with Fabrigas until both fall to the ground although Fletcher was out of the game once he committed to that tackle and Fabrigas could have continued to try and score.
Red card? Yes. Quite right. Stupid tackle. Daft decision to make it. Great decision from the referee who had no choice. Does it make any difference that Manchester United were 4-0 up at the time? No. The rules of the game don't change when one side seems certain to win.
Stop pleading Fletchers case.
Referees have been required to interpret this rule and have been slightly lenient if there is a minimal 'brushing' contact and the ball is taken away from the opponent completely.
And so to last Tuesday's Champions League semi-final second leg between Arsenal and Manchester United. Fabrigas through on goal and Darren Fletcher comes from behind to tackle him. Does he get the ball? Yes, but he doesn't push it away from danger, simply prods it a little to the side. Does he touch Fabrigas before he gets the ball? Yes. Slightly? No, he has his hand on his shoulder pulling down and his thigh against Fabrigas' thigh affecting balance. Fletcher then continues to tangle with Fabrigas until both fall to the ground although Fletcher was out of the game once he committed to that tackle and Fabrigas could have continued to try and score.
Red card? Yes. Quite right. Stupid tackle. Daft decision to make it. Great decision from the referee who had no choice. Does it make any difference that Manchester United were 4-0 up at the time? No. The rules of the game don't change when one side seems certain to win.
Stop pleading Fletchers case.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Juxtaposition
My current favourite word that. Loving it. Two things, next to each other, make a point they wouldn't otherwise make. Two objects. Two ideas. In fact a great question for the stuck creative is, 'How can this (unrelated object) throw light on the problem I'm thinking about?'
But today I got stuck. I was first into the church building at Holy Trinity and popped into the gents before Morning Prayer.
On the window sill was a small arrangement of plastic flowers. Next to it a metal sign, like a desk-top name plate. The inscription said, 'Greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world.' I almost couldn't wee for consternation. I have a number of questions such as who, what, why, when. Where was pretty much self-explanatory.
How do these things help? Some guidance please. Or simply examples of your own local Christian tweeness.
But today I got stuck. I was first into the church building at Holy Trinity and popped into the gents before Morning Prayer.
On the window sill was a small arrangement of plastic flowers. Next to it a metal sign, like a desk-top name plate. The inscription said, 'Greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world.' I almost couldn't wee for consternation. I have a number of questions such as who, what, why, when. Where was pretty much self-explanatory.
How do these things help? Some guidance please. Or simply examples of your own local Christian tweeness.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
More Football
Just noticed that Leamington FC, now reaching tier seven of the Football League Pyramid structure, will be playing Clevedon next year. Bet I get a wedding.
Football Chants
Apologies to MSS readers who don't do football. Come back later. But the occasional footie post does keep the traffic flowing. Quick tip to those who want to generate hits from search engines - blog on a wide variety of subjects.
The Observer Sport monthly had a wonderful essay on football chants by Tom Lamont. Many of you will be familiar with your own club's unique take on these.
One weird thing he pointed out was the ubiquity of the tune Guantanamera. It fits so many pithy one-liners. Two of his examples are:
Sing when you're winning; you only sing when you're winning.
Sacked in the morning; you're getting sacked in the morning.
But I recall hearing:
Score in a minute; we're going to score in a minute (not at the Hawthorns of course)
Come in a taxi; did you come in a taxi? (When the away support is thin)
And a delight to see Alan Shearer smile at Anfield on Sunday at:
Stayed on the tele; you should have stayed on the tele.
Once, accused of:
You're not boinging any more... (Tune: Bread of Heaven)
The Baggies faithful responded accurately and helpfully with:
Boing when we're winning; we only boing when we're winning.
But my favourite ever came from the mighty North Bank of the new Windmill Stadium (sic). The 350 or so who watched Leamington FC abused another team (and I even forget who) with:
Small town near Warwick; you're just a small town near Warwick.
The Observer Sport monthly had a wonderful essay on football chants by Tom Lamont. Many of you will be familiar with your own club's unique take on these.
One weird thing he pointed out was the ubiquity of the tune Guantanamera. It fits so many pithy one-liners. Two of his examples are:
Sing when you're winning; you only sing when you're winning.
Sacked in the morning; you're getting sacked in the morning.
But I recall hearing:
Score in a minute; we're going to score in a minute (not at the Hawthorns of course)
Come in a taxi; did you come in a taxi? (When the away support is thin)
And a delight to see Alan Shearer smile at Anfield on Sunday at:
Stayed on the tele; you should have stayed on the tele.
Once, accused of:
You're not boinging any more... (Tune: Bread of Heaven)
The Baggies faithful responded accurately and helpfully with:
Boing when we're winning; we only boing when we're winning.
But my favourite ever came from the mighty North Bank of the new Windmill Stadium (sic). The 350 or so who watched Leamington FC abused another team (and I even forget who) with:
Small town near Warwick; you're just a small town near Warwick.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Risk
As an educated bloke with almost total inadequacy at science - sorry but I lost interest in or around 4c - I like to try and make as much sense as I can of scientific news. If I get it I figure most people will be able to get it. So here is what I think I get so far on the whole swine-flu jobbie.
As Andy Hamilton pointed out on The News Quiz last Friday, the best way to scare people right now is to sneeze into your sombrero. Whilst I don't discount the possibility of a horribly ironic death later today I have been enthralled by all the media-conscious, swine-flu victims being interviewed on the tele recently. The nub of their comments is, 'We were a bit poorly for a short while.'
The test for influenza is this; a £50 note blows past the window. If you get up and get it you haven't got the flu.
Swine flu is a virus causing flu-like symptoms. Those with already decreased immunity may die, just as they may have died when a common cold became bronchitis, became pneumonia, became the end. The rest of us, barring further mutations of this virus, even if we get it, will probably live. If we catch it we will catch it off people not pigs, so the beauties I saw at the North Somerset show yesterday looked good and will probably taste good too. Most of us there nearly died of cold but that is irrelevant.
I also imagine that epidemic and pandemic have particularly stringent definitions so when the terms are used by scientists they mean something. When they are used by our lazier journalists they become confused. Let's do what I laughingly call research and look them up in an online dictionary:
Pandemic (adjective. 1666. From the Greek pan = all; demos = people) occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population.
Epidemic (adjective. 1603. From the Greek epi= among; demos - people) affecting or tending to affect a disproportionately large number of individuals within a population, community, or region at the same time.
Notice the date of birth of the term pandemic. The Great Plague. NTWICAP. So the current stats show that swine flu has reached a wide area but has not yet covered a large proportion of the population so it is neither an epidemic nor a pandemic.
The imaginary healthometer on my sidebar informs you it is safe to carry on.
As Andy Hamilton pointed out on The News Quiz last Friday, the best way to scare people right now is to sneeze into your sombrero. Whilst I don't discount the possibility of a horribly ironic death later today I have been enthralled by all the media-conscious, swine-flu victims being interviewed on the tele recently. The nub of their comments is, 'We were a bit poorly for a short while.'
The test for influenza is this; a £50 note blows past the window. If you get up and get it you haven't got the flu.
Swine flu is a virus causing flu-like symptoms. Those with already decreased immunity may die, just as they may have died when a common cold became bronchitis, became pneumonia, became the end. The rest of us, barring further mutations of this virus, even if we get it, will probably live. If we catch it we will catch it off people not pigs, so the beauties I saw at the North Somerset show yesterday looked good and will probably taste good too. Most of us there nearly died of cold but that is irrelevant.
I also imagine that epidemic and pandemic have particularly stringent definitions so when the terms are used by scientists they mean something. When they are used by our lazier journalists they become confused. Let's do what I laughingly call research and look them up in an online dictionary:
Pandemic (adjective. 1666. From the Greek pan = all; demos = people) occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population.
Epidemic (adjective. 1603. From the Greek epi= among; demos - people) affecting or tending to affect a disproportionately large number of individuals within a population, community, or region at the same time.
Notice the date of birth of the term pandemic. The Great Plague. NTWICAP. So the current stats show that swine flu has reached a wide area but has not yet covered a large proportion of the population so it is neither an epidemic nor a pandemic.
The imaginary healthometer on my sidebar informs you it is safe to carry on.
Monday, May 04, 2009
Gut Reaction
As some of you know I'm a bit of a performance poet. My work sometimes gets put in books but I think some poems are better for being written and then read out within a short space of time. Polishing is for others. So this happened last night during a sermon on compassion. The only thing I've added since I wrote it is to have thought of a title.Let's Go Somewhere Else
Terrorism, HIV, tsunami, influenza;
The four understudies of the apocalypse?
The real weapons of mass destruction?
Page eight of The Telegraph, column six?
The cause of compassion fatigue?
The end of the world as we know it?
Nothing to do with me mate,
I never started it.
Children in Need
Millennium goals
Comic relief
UN ambassador for children
Band Aid
Live Aid
Slow fade
Early grave
Thousands die
But unless it's here
And a child
We're British. We'll donate by credit card but
We shall not, we shall not be moved.
(Holy Trinity, Nailsea 3/5/09)
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Quiet Days
In a brainstorming session at a new (social) media conference yesterday a few of us came up with the idea of a virtual quiet day. You switch off your phone, stay home alone, disable all devices except one with access to the internet and follow some on-line instructions for using the peace. Some chat, some input, some questions to ponder, some prayers, some reading? Anyone in?
Re-union
I'm off to the great venture re-union 25th this afternoon. The Tilley/Myers/Clucas CYFA Venture, founded at Great Ayton in 1985 has survived a quarter century, almost. To the left is Roseberry Topping which we used to ramble up and abseil off. I hear the voice of an old teacher in my ear whispering, 'Tilley - up which we used to ramble and off which we used to abseil.' I love knowing the rules they taught me.Typical of our venture to celebrate the 25th occasion, meaning it is only 24 years since we started. Beautifully and creatively pedantic. I'm so proud.
I left in 2002 after only eighteen years in leadership and four different sites (after Ayton came Ellesmere, Bentham and Lancaster. It is now at St Bees). It will be good to catch up with so many people who date their Christian leadership to some time on our venture and to meet the team who have taken it on.
Laters. Embarrassing photos will surely appear here tomorrow. Some of you might want to be phoning your lawyers.
Friday, May 01, 2009
May 1st
...and the housemartins are back. How was the journey guys and gals? Glad you felt it was worth returning after last year. Let the insect removal continue.
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