Thursday, November 21, 2013

Rape is rape; the rapist is the problem not the victim

Publicity for the new campaign, that the rapist is always responsible and to blame for a rape, was widespread today. I agree with it utterly and wholeheartedly but wondered if, notwithstanding this, there was any discussion to be had about taking steps to minimise risks.

The Twitter discussion which followed, which I set out below, is one from which I have now withdrawn as I feel I may accidentally say something which will cost me my job or jeopardise my ability to do it well.

Some of the comments really hurt but I'm vulnerable and open to feedback on the correspondence. I learn best if disagreements are phrased gently and on the basis that I am trying to learn, not that I would dream of telling anyone how to comment:

7.02
Is a victim of rape ever to blame for being attacked? Posters put up around Bristol from today say they're not.


7.42
If you leave your car unlocked and an iPad is stolen from the back seat the theft is not your fault but you could have prevented it.
 
7.58
Women are not cars or iPads. Rape is a crime of violence, not theft. The attacker, not the attacked, is to blame.

8.16
absolutely agree. But is there never wisdom in taking action to keep yourself safe?

8.29
Unfortunately, there is no reasonable action a woman can take to ensure she is never in the presence of a rapist.
 
8.30
You see, while perhaps only one in twenty men are rapists, rapist men look exactly like other non-rapist men.
 
9.02
. which would be? Most women know their rapists.
 
9.19
so, I assume we should close all banks because they’re just begging to be robbed…
 
9.21
this is the key. Women trust men who believe this shît, so it’s the MEN’S attitude that has to change
 
9.29
unfortunately, there is no magic solution to that. Never leave home? Rapes happen there too.
 
9.47
this is all very helpful. Thank you. Is there any 'reasonable' action a woman can take to minimise the danger?
 
9.49
Sure. Tell men like you to stop talking as if women are to blame for being raped. That's reasonable, isn't it?
 
9.51
 
10.22
don't think I did. Certain didn't mean to but will try and learn.
 
10.34
I accept you didn't mean it, but talking as if it were up to us to avoid"risk of rape"not men to avoid being rapists is victimblaming
 
2.48
Put my head above the parapet of a discussion earlier. Very tough place to hang out given the subject but found it helpful.
 
 
 

3 comments:

Jude said...

Of course there is a place for discussing how people can stay safe, but perhaps easier to talk about general safety than specifically about not getting raped. There are reasonable actions we can ALL take which slightly reduce the risk of being hit by a car, being left in a ditch, mugged etc.

When people talk specifically about avoiding being raped, the problem is people use really hurtful arguments (e.g you wouldn't leave your valuables on display in a car, so women should cover up) which re-enforces the view that women are commodities to be enjoyed, and it is only social compliancy that stops men from doing what they want.

Well done for sticking your neck out. People can be very emotional and defensive about this subject, but it's hard not to be, because victim blaming is so prevalent and horrible. However, you were not victim blaming, you were asking a question, in the interests of starting a discussion that might help people be safe.

Steve Tilley said...

I think the example of iPad and car was a bit clumsy and I should have talked about dark alleys and muggers or something more to do with offences against the person. Interestingly I would never make the 'cover up' argument. I gather that recent stats showed that relatively scruffy jeans were the most common clothing of victims of sexual assault. Skimpy garments had little to do with it.

David Keen said...

I think you asked a reasonable question. There are plenty of other questions to be asked too - e.g. do high profile women who market themselves as sex objects (Miley Cyrus, Rihanna etc.) encourage men to objectify women and encourage 'rape culture'. Asking the question doesn't mean you're excusing the perpetrators.