Language and Victims

Rape is rape. The rapist is to blame. Don't blame the victim.

I became embroiled, although I probably embroiled myself, in a conversation about rape. The only question I wanted to ask was whether those advocating that victim blaming should stop - discussions about rape, they allege, almost always end in blaming the victim - felt that there were steps people ought to take to minimise the possibility of the crime of rape.

Rape is rape. The rapist is to blame. Don't blame the victim.

I don't feel that the emotive nature of the subject led to a sensible discussion. But I did feel that those women who took part wanted, in effect, to say that any conversation about taking steps to minimise the possibility of rape is victim blaming. They may be right. I don't know.

Rape is rape. The rapist is to blame. Don't blame the victim.

It feels as if the only possible contribution to this discussion as a man is to keep repeating:

Rape is rape. The rapist is to blame. Don't blame the victim.

With the possible addition of 'Men, don't commit rape.'

Is that true? Don't get me wrong. I don't buy the argument that any behaviour by a woman contributes to the crime. No, is no. Whenever delivered. Stop means stop. Go away means go away. I get that.

Rape is rape. The rapist is to blame. Don't blame the victim.

But is it possible to have a sensible conversation about steps people ought to take to minimise the possibility of the crime of rape without being accused of victim blaming? It feels like it isn't.

We are getting to a dangerous state in our public life. It is not easy to have a realistic discussion about drugs unless you denounce them every other sentence. You are seen as a dangerous liberal. Likewise after any tragedy you'd better start your response with a statement of condolence for the victims, even if that means we have to waste half our discussion time with a repeated message of sympathy from every contributor.

Is it not possible to take it as read that I condemn rape and rapists, want to ensure the safest possible life given the presence of drugs and offer my condolence and respect to victims and sufferers without having to repeat these things as a mantra every time I open my mouth?

I am probably, although hopefully accidentally, racist, sexist and just about every other 'ist going. Might you help me by having a conversation with me without immediately condemning me? Fact is that saying 'Don't commit crime' hasn't really worked out. It doesn't mean you should commit crime but can we have a chat about it without the opprobrium that often hangs around?

Rape is rape. The rapist is to blame. Don't blame the victim.

I drafted this a few days ago but have just heard a talk in which Timothy Radcliffe said, of leadership, that '...if you never do anything that can be misunderstood you will never do anything remotely interesting.'

Being misunderstood recently has been very hard to bear, but it seems that is the tax to be paid on being involved in the world rather than seeing it as spectator sport.