Friday, April 23, 2010

Ten top tips for being English today

It is the day someone called George, and not from England, didn't kill a dragon. So:

1. Shaking hands is a perfectly acceptable way to greet someone.

2. Real ale is served cellar cold. That is neither warm nor ice-chilled.

3. Cheddar cheese and home made bread for lunch.

4. Tea may be drunk between 3 and 5 p.m.

5. Stare at an oak tree in a field; green and pleasant is a good look.

6. Take the piss out of your friends or public figures, not strangers.

7. Football shirts should, by and large, be worn on football occasions.

8. How do you do? This does not require an answer, merely a repetition of the same phrase.

9. Excuse me and sorry.

10. Offa's Dyke, Hadrian's Wall and the English Channel are there for a reason.

11. Ask first if in doubt.

12. Don't believe the headline.


Mike Peatman said...

nice one, Steve. More concise than my contribution.

flyingbishop said...

I like this very much. Not sure how accurate it is for modern England, though (with the exception of no.10!) I sometimes wonder whether it's more English nowadays to drink Stella in large quantities, eat a Big Mac for lunch, stare at anyone who's a bit different, take the piss out of the vulnerable, wear football shirts to weddings, expect everyone else to say sorry, etc. But maybe I'm being unduly cynical ...