Saturday, May 12, 2007

Eurovision

We bring you the definitive guide to tonight's contest to save you having to listen to it:

Bosnia
Up, I believe, is the direction in which we will be travelling.

Spain
Boy band in white. Woman with big drums. First key change of the evening.

Belarus
James Bond world domination string intro and the good looking guy in unbuttoned black gave us English with a slightly flat Belorussian accent. Key change but not everyone in the same direction. Vurk yore ma jick.

Ireland
Celts with every possible Gaelic musical implement except a working voice.

Finland
All About Eve did this sort of thing really well. 'I gotta go crazy just to stay sane.'

Macedonia
In tune. OK song. Great legs so stands a chance.

Slovenia
Fine operatic voice. No chance.

Hungary
Well sung bluesy ballad. Nice change.

Lithuania
'When the morning comes I'm all alone.' Not even a vote to comfort you eh?

Bog football is big in Finland. Don't remember the Baseball Ground do they?

Greece
Balalaika break. 'Lord have mercy.' Another that stands a chance.

Georgia
It all got a bit Happy Mondays when I wasn't paying attention. Cossack dancers.

Sweden
The Glitter Band with safer than safely camp Gary.

France
Outfits by Jean Paul Gaultier. Possibly the song aussi.

Latvia
Big ballad with operatic bits.

Russia
'So come and check it
My bad ass waiting for you...
Taste my cherry pie.'
Never trust a woman with cherry pie up her ass. Did anyone tell them what this stuff means?

Germany
Swing. In German. Eek. Wolfgang Cullum.

Serbia
Girl called Milosevic dressed as boy making lesbian gestures with backing singer. Best voice of the night.

Ukraine
This will get more of the gay vote than the previous one. Two key changes to this nursery rhyme. High quality Eurocamp. Drag or ugly? You decide.

UK
Bucks Fizz have so much to answer for.

Romania
Nice guitar rhythm. Didn't accompany much.

Bulgaria
Drums. Big hit. Song not.

Turkey
'Shake it up shakey doo
I know what you're thinking.'
You don't.

Armenia
These are the finalists remember.

Moldova
One of the backing singers spent the whole song being spun round. Didn't shut her up though. The mystery of the violin which kept playing once placed on the floor needs investigating. Top C attempted I think. B and three quarters reached.

Will tell you the scores later. My money's on Ukraine. Bottom four will be UK, France, Spain and Germany.

5 comments:

Chemical said...

'Ireland
Celts with every possible Gaelic musical implement except a working voice.'

Sorry - bit I COULDN'T POSSIBLY let you away with this comment.

I'm positive I didn't see a set of Uilleann pipes anywhere!

You got it right about the Russians tho ...

Emma said...

Ukraine should have won, it was hilarious! TANZEN!

St said...

I sort of knew as I typed that I might be in trouble. Thanks Chemical; you were right to react. So I can tell people what you posted, please send phonetic guide to pronunciation of said instrument.

Darren said...

Wogan's Abbot and Costello comment re the Serbian entry sent me into laughter.

However on a more serious note I felt a little uneasy watching the Russian entry, more so than on the 'carry on' style interludes from the UK entry.

Chemical said...

Steve

I was actually agreeing with your comment re Ireland and the 'working voice', but my tongue is firmly out of my cheek now.

As for the pronunciation - just say Irish bagpipes ;-)