Friday, July 07, 2006

Gozo/Malta written driving examination

1. What action should one take on approaching a marked pedestrian crossing area?

Keep a look out as you may have to swerve to avoid pedestrians

2. Which side of the road should you drive in Malta/Gozo?

The best side

3. What does it mean when the car in front is indicating to the left?

It will shortly carry out any one of many possible manoeuvres none of which involves the left in any way

4. What does it mean when the car in front is indicating by hand signal to the right?

The driver has a sweaty hand and is cooling it in the breeze

5. Where can you park in Gozo?

Anywhere provided passing vehicles can still fit through the gap with 0.001 of a millimetre of space either side

6. What does the 'no overtaking' sign indicate?

Look out for oncoming vehicles on your side of the road

7. How do you fry an egg in Gozo?

On returning to your car from the shops with a box of eggs break one onto the dashboard and eat 30 seconds later.

8. What action should you take in the event of a minor accident?

Leave the vehicles where they are, no matter how inconvenient this is to the rest of the islands' motorists, until someone from the accident department has visited to measure the scene.

9. What should one do in the event of being caught in a minor traffic jam?

Shout and gesticulate out of the window for a few seconds, then sound your horn for several minutes, then overtake the whole queue and make matters far more congested by ending up facing a similarly frustrated motorist coming in the other direction

10. What is the national speed limit?

Imaginary.

4 comments:

Mark Berry said...

And if you fail all of this... they give you a PSV license!

It was the shrines on the busses that worried me!!!

Martin said...

They can't be as bad as Indian drivers. I tell you, I feared for my life on occasions.

Chemical said...

The driving in Malta is some of the worst I've seen anywhere, but it's great for commerce as they can sell t-shirts to tourists joking about it.

I once took a bus journey in Barbados where the sign at the front of the bus said 'in God we trust'. Turned out it wasn't a sentiment - it was an instruction!

St said...

We took a drive round town yesterday and someone said thank-you when we gave way to them; another vehicle stopped and let us out. Will try to be more grateful to most Leamington motorists for the next few weeks.

I also like the idea of having a few 'In God we trust' gifts made for people and giving them to my friends who are particularly bad drivers.

Finally, with acknowledgement to Lionel Blue from this week's Church Times. A priest and a minicab driver arrive at the pearly gates together. St Peter welcomes the driver and sends the priest packing. When this is questioned St Peter says to the priest, 'When you preached, people slept; when he drove, people prayed.'

Lastly (never trust a priest who says 'finally'), this time bowing to Bob Monkhouse, 'When I die I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather; not screaming in terror like his passengers.'