Listen, right. We have had a meeting of the greater after-life communication committee and reviewed our style sheet. For the last 100 years or so we have addressed humankind as 'little children' or 'my dear child'. Meetings of various focus groups have suggested that this lacks credibility given our incessant reminder (it's in the book, OK?) that you should become mature. From now on we will be addressing you in a variety of ways depending entirely on the circumstances.
Now I'm sorry I haven't attended to this earlier but there has been a bit of a barney going on beyond the Zebulob hyperway about whether one sacrifice is sufficent to take away the sins of both carbon and silicon-based life forms. Bit of a bugger that I can tell you. Need to do something but to top it all Jesus is hiding in the cupboard shouting 'Try a flood; that worked on earth for a bit.' He's a good boy but so short-term in his thinking.
PS See what odds you can get on Chelsea blowing it. May be worth a flutter. I haven't peeked. Promise.