Bacon Sandwich Fail

Someone asked me a question 24 hours ago that made me feel ill.

I had never, until yesterday, been into a Subway. Any shop which advertises a meatball sandwich as a healthy lunch needs boycotting, unless I've badly misunderstood the publicity.

I'm not a snob. I avoid Iceland and Lidl too although I did once go into Iceland for the cultural experience, encouraged by my curate colleague. Most of the food for sale was brown or yellow. If my life ends early I don't want it to be because of my diet.

But, having a moment only a bacon sandwich could fix, I went to the Subway franchise at Budgen's petrol station. Coffee and a bacon roll was £2 - I should have been suspicious. Surely no animal was treated well in the production of such a bargain?

I chose 'hearty Italian' as my bread and watched the young assistant put on rubber gloves and place a piece of pre-cooked, cold bacon on a roll. She asked, 'Do you want it toasted?' Guessing that this would be the only way my sandwich might have some warmth to it (surely the point) I said yes. Then the killer question and I hope it doesn't spoil your day...

'Do you want cheese?'

Do I what? Are you mad? Cheese? At breakfast time? In a bacon sandwich? What is wrong with this world?

Goes off muttering.

P.S. The badly-toasted and barely-warm buttie was disgusting, as was the substance described as coffee.