Abject is normally reserved as a descriptor of poverty. Stick with me. I know my regular reader appreciates the occasional confessional nature of this blog so hang around. I have tunnelled under my usual low standards.
My friends (I don't know what else to call them) at Lloyds Bank sent me two new pieces of plastic to replace the ones in my wallet fast reaching their call security date. A green one and a grey one.
I only ever use two pieces of plastic - a green one (Mastercard) and a grey one (debit card). I removed the old ones from my wallet and cut them neatly into four as the new ones bore a sticker saying they could be used immediately.
I was peeling off the stickers and placing the new cards in my wallet when I noticed some new writing on the grey one. A shiver wandered very very slowly down my spine, through my groin and out of my pocket.
The second card was a replacement for the airmiles duo credit card which my friends decided to send me a few years ago for no reason and I never use.
I examined the four pieces of my debit card in the bin. It doesn't run out until the end of next year. Doesn't? Didn't, it has now.
I had cut up my valid debit card and had no replacement. This is premiership stupidity. Stupidity max with extra fries.
As I contemplated having to PHONE THE BANK the shiver re-entered my pocket and walked back up my spine digging its claws in.
I have a new debit card coming. It will take a few days. That, staff colleagues, is why it is not my round today or tomorrow. And yes, the lovely bank account handler did suggest I upgraded my platinum account to a more expensive one during the conversation.
I cut up the wrong card. The shame.
Thank you. I feel better now. Usual fee?
I cut up the wrong card.