A woman parks her car outside a hotel and loses £2000. How come?
A man lives on the twelfth floor of a block of flats. Every morning he takes the lift down and leaves the building. In the evening, he gets into the lift, and, if there is someone else in the lift -- or if it was raining that day -- he goes back to his floor directly. Otherwise, he goes to the tenth floor and walks up two flights of stairs to his flat. Why?
He's short and can't reach the button. When it's wet he uses his umbrella.
Two men enter a bar. They are served identical drinks. One lives; the other dies.
There is poison in the ice cube. The guy who drinks slowly, dies.
There are two pieces of coal in a field full of daisies. How did they get there?
A man drives down the road at 29 miles per hour. Three cars pass him going at 35 miles per hour, but he gets stopped by a police officer and is given a ticket. Why?
Wrong way down a one-way street.
A man leaves a full hotel, goes to his car, honks the horn, and returns. Why?
He wakes in the night to get something from his car but forgets which is his room. His wife is deaf. He honks the horn and then goes back to the only room where a light is not turned on.
One of Charlotte's dearest loved ones binds her to a chair, but she doesn't mind. Why not?
She's three; it's a car seat.
A woman marries 20 men in one year. Why hasn't she been arrested?
She's a vicar.
A man is going to hospital with a fractured skull. He is accompanied on the journey by a badly bruised woman with an empty bucket. Why?
Jack and Jill from the nursery rhyme.
A woman presses number 7 and a man goes berserk. Why?
Don't change channels during a penalty shoot-out.
A bag of good nails is found on a rubbish heap. Why?
Romans crucified Jesus on a rubbish heap.