Advent

As theologian Paula Gooder said at a pre-Advent reteat on Wednesday, Advent is the time when we get a glimpse of eternity. We look forward to something that has already happened and we remember the future. That alone has given me enough to chew on for the next four weeks and in honour MSS has gone a bit purple. Enjoy the wait.

Les choses est contre nous

The thing I like about stuff going wrong is the sheer quality of imagination required by those things to go wrong in such novel, yet logical, ways. New readers, I refer you to the keys in the peg basket story which is in here somewhere but my search facility won't turn it up. Ah here it is.

So yesterday I arrived home from the office with two cheques and yet, later on, I only had one. I was certain I had put them both in the usual place I put pending cheques. Only one was there. I searched under the desk, down cracks at the back of the desk and in all the papers I had tidied off my desk in case I had filed it accidentally. I emailed the office to see if I had dropped it there. I checked in the car. No joy.

So, resigned to having to ask for a re-issue, I did what all sensible men would do in the same situation and went to the pub.

On returning my lost cheque was on my desk. It had been folded in four and unfolded again. Curious. But there it was.

Embracing Mrs T I asked where she had found my cheque. In the pile of paper for recycling I put on top of the bookcase each day, it turns out.

I went back to the cheque. How had I folded it and put it, and it alone, in a recycling pile? I turned it over in my hand and on the back, in my hand-writing, were two words:

STEPHEN
LIVER

Attenders at yesterday's Quiet Day will be a little ahead of the rest of you now but here's the back story.

Stephen, a guest at the Quiet Day, had been to the butchers before arriving and came to the door brandishing a bag of liver and asking to borrow fridge space. If you wish to go and reflect on the weirdest item anyone has ever brought to a quiet day please feel free to do so. See you in a few minutes.

Welcome back. So I used a fridge magnet and a piece of scrap paper to put a note on the fridge door. When Stephen left, liver in hand, I folded up the note and put it in the recycling pile. QED.

I regaled Mrs T with this story and the outcome of my substantial detective work and all she could say was that she knew me keeping cheques so close to my scrap paper pile would cause a problem some day. She knew. She hadn't ever said, but she knew.

Relationship advice number 267. A woman's job is not to say I told you so. A man's job is.

Practical advice number 456b. Don't keep uncashed cheques near the scrap paper pile.

I think I may be turning into Tim Dowling. Google him. It'll be worth it.

I will leave the writing on the back of the cheque and imagine the conversation at the bank.

Virtual Quiet Day 6

And that's it. Cup of tea to finish and we go our separate ways. Next one will be Thursday 28th January. No Quiet Day in December. Leave your feedback in the comments box. Don't forget to turn the phone back on.

Virtual Quiet Day 5

As we gather together again we share anything we feel we have heard or learned this morning. I left some books and commentaries around and often people do a bit of digging in the Bible text and then share. Others say what they reckon God has been saying to them.

Now read Exodus 4:18-31.

Notice the new name for Moses' staff (v20).

Notice that he still had to have faith to do what he had been told to do.

Notice vv24-26 and let us know what that is about if you have a clue.

Now quiet. Next post 3.30 p.m.

Virtual Quiet Day 4

It's 1 o'clock and time for lunch, dum di dum di dum dum.

We're having home-made onion soup and chatting round a table.

Next post 14.00.

Virtual Quiet Day 3

This passage has been called the greatest interview ever until Lois Lane got Superman. Moses the murderer interviews God who intervenes, calls and equips.

Having experienced this burning bush the dialogue between Moses and God is fascinating for us to eavesdrop upon. We like all the details sorted, so we can trust in our human power. God's plan is rather harder for us; he says 'Take this step and trust me.'

Moses asks five great questions in Exodus 3&4. They highlight human worries about calling and equipping, and God's response. Let's look at them and God's five great answers.

Question 1
Who am I (3:11)?

Before we can go to anyone and do anything we need our own identity sorted. Who am I?

Not a great answer really. You ask God who you are and you get the answer 'I will be with you.' But, in other words, God says to Moses that their identities are bound up together. We are the people who God is with.

If you want to get your identity right begin by plugging into the source of the power and let self fade.

Question 2
Who are you (3:13)?

Rather rude? Or an indication that Moses still hasn't quite grasped who it is he is talking to. Prophets, priests and kings throughout the Bible found meeting with God a face-in-the-dirt moment. Moses seems to lack that humility.

God's answer? I am who I have always been and will continue to be. I am the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

And with this the title of of God, YAHWEH, the Lord, is fixed; the title which caused Jesus to be nearly stoned for blasphemy when stating, '...before Abraham was, I am' (John 8:58).

Question 3
What if they don't listen?

The eternal question of the church leader and an easy answer. We read on. If they won't listen, you turn your stick into a snake. That'll shake 'em up.

To put this to contemporary terms; your words don't stand alone. They stand in the context of signs, wonders, miracles and the eternal acts of God (4:2-9). Those who work in God's power are doing the work of the church; the place where God is at work. If you are listening to God, and hearing him clearly, and people are not listening to you, then they are not listening to God. This is a high calling.

Question 4
What if I can't think of the words (4:10)?

It's all well and good feeling you speak in the Lord's power until it comes to the moment to actually trust him. Ask young men what they fear most in life. The results are very interesting. Not war, famine, plague or death. But after a very obvious first answer - those who were fathers feared anything happening to their children, the second answer is often 'public speaking.'

God says, 'I will help you speak (4:11,12). I invented words and can put them in your mouth.

Question 5
Why not send someone else (4:13)? Here am I, send them.

Then the Lord got a bit cross (quote v14).

Those who God calls he equips (4:14-17). If you have been called to a job you remain called until such time as he uncalls you.

Conclusion
The human Moses took the law into his own hands. The human Moses couldn't cope with God's demands. But the judgement of history on Moses, throughout the new testament, is that he was a great leader and man of God. From such an inauspicious start flowed mighty works.

We will now be quiet (after a brief discussion) until 1.00 p.m. Next post then.

Virtual Quiet Day 2

Now we are sitting in a circle introducing ourselves and saying in a couple of sentences what we hope to get out of today. Use the comments box again if you wish to.

That done we will read Exodus 3:1 - 4:17. This is a coincidence because we used this on our Parish Weekend just gone.

Next post 10.40.

Virtual Quiet Day

Hi, welcome. We're having tea, coffee and biscuits right now and saying hello to each other in the conservatory, enjoying the dry (it's wet outside). We are Sheila, Jen, Brian, Mike, Ruth, Alison, Stephen, Marcus and Sue. Others may have turned up and forgotten to book. Make yourself a drink and say hello using the comments box. Next post 10.30 a.m.

Surrender

How willing are you to surrender all you are? To hand it over and say, 'This is not me any more.'

Exodus 3 tells us a story of Moses, encountering God at a burning bush. He is given the task of leading his people out of captivity in Egypt. He is not offered it. The God written about in the Old Testament doesn't say 'I'd like you to...' He says, 'I have chosen you to...' You remain called until such a time as you are uncalled. Unsurprisingly, Moses has many questions:

Who am I?
Who are you?
What shall I say?
What if they won't listen?
Why not send someone else?

Read the passage for the answers. This isn't a sermon, although the answer to the 'Who are you' question is particularly interesting. 'I am who I am' is a Hebrew construction. If someone says, 'Where did they go?' and you don't know, you might reply, 'They went where they went.' It means 'I cannot answer your question in your terms.' Hmm. Or maybe, on this occasion, megahmm.

So on our parish weekend together we were invited to lay down our identity, influence and income. For 24 hours the things we wrote on a staff of wood were laid, together on the floor.

Just as Moses' staff in the story was laid down and when picked up became a snake, then the staff of God, so we laid down a symbol of who we are. Surrendered.

A lot of my identity is to do with being on my feet in front of groups of people. So amongst other things, a little later than everyone else because I had a talk to do first, I laid down the fruits of 34 years public ministry and the ability to speak, some say quite well, in public. It was hard. It was hard because, as I explained to those who were there, it wasn't something I ever thought I'd do with my life, it wasn't something I had a natural aptitude for and it has been a struggle to get to the point of feeling that it is any use to others. It was a bit of an Abraham and Isaac moment. What Lord? Lay that down. Bugger.

I told people during my talk on being totally transformed that the end was going to be good. I didn't know quite how good. Because taking 34 years of sweat, tears, preparation and archiving and saying, 'That's it' when you think you have more to give is tough. It wasn't good in the sense that it was a well-rounded conclusion summarising the previous 40 minutes' points. It was good in that the drama of me, cracking up (I didn't know I was going to) said that this is what surrendering feels like.

We picked up our staffs again the next day to remind ourselves that we are all still servants of God. By a freak of diaries I don't have any sermons or talks to do for a couple of weeks. So although I have the staff back I don't know what I've got back yet. Bumpy ride ahead. December 13th may be an interesting day.

Parish Weekend - First Thoughts

There is an old story which my Dad used to tell me about NAAFI meals. Military language warning.

Apparently during war-time the members had been complaining for months that the food tasted crap but the authorities refused to take them seriously. They insisited that the catering staff were the finest trained men in the forces and they could do miracles on a budget. Eventually someone was persuaded to carry out an inspection and a selection of the usual fayre was displayed for tasting.

The officer leaned over and smelled the food. 'Hmm. Smells like shit,' he said.

Then he took a spoon and tasted the food. 'Hmm, tastes like shit,' he said.

Then, after a brief pause he added, 'Beautifully cooked though.'

I have been trying to write a post that summarises the Holy Trinity and Trendlewood Parish Weekend away. There is a slight danger that trying to review a weekend away that has been spiritually challenging for me is like that. The raw ingredients of my life I took along were poor but something great was made with them. If you have been really challenged at a conference or event then the feedback form is like asking a defeated boxer to mark out of ten the quality of the blow that felled him.

So I will tell you what happened. Soon. I've already saved it in draft. But it's not quite right and it needs to be. The talks will be available on the church web site soon.

Parish Weekend

Just back from an excellent Parish Weekend at Lee Abbey where we looked together at Moses in Exodus 3&4 and qualities needed to be a servant of God:

• Fully surrendered
• Totally transformed
• Newly anointed

Thanks to everyone who made it such a memorable time. Please feel free to leave your thoughts and feedback in the comments box.

Since we were near a cliff edge and one of the key themes of the weekend was 'throw down your staff' I'd like to record my gratitude to everyone for treating that as a metaphor.

Real Favourite

Just in case you wondered about the genuine article, the real favourite tune of all time, click here to enjoy Tonight playing their only decent single Drummer Man on Top of the Pops in 1978. Punk had turned to pop. Guitars were in tune but lyrics were still a bit lower case. Delightful, toe-tapping grooviness. Please remove 31 years from your understanding of production techniques, hairstyles and the appropriateness of Peter Powell. Then dance as far as your headphone lead will let you.

Future Love

Asked on Facebook what was the sound-track of my life I went, tongue not quite completely sticking though cheek, for Beep Beep Love by Gruppo Sportivo. Then Ewan found this YouTube link to three minutes of perfect Euro-pop from the mid 1970s. False ending. English with a German accent. Miming. A leopard-skin catsuit. I have the seven-inch vinyl single. My life, my soundtrack. So bad it's actually good.

Sneaking out the back door
Hang out with those hoodlum friends of mine
I wish those days, would, come back once more
I wish those days...

On Time?

So, here's the thing. How do you feel about punctuality?

I have never been to Africa but my friend, who regularly visits Nairobi, describes the church in the slum village he attends. The time of the service is 'Sunday morning.' Everyone knows that. The first person to arrive tidies round a bit and chases out any dangerous critters. The second person joins the first in singing. Over the next four hours people come and go until all have left. In the middle of this are notices, children's groups, fervent prayers, amazing singing and a long, long sermon plus a few other talks.

I love the idea. I could live with this. It is a concept that has no word for 'late.' Just as in the silent carriages of a train you get annoyed by voices that wouldn't otherwise have bothered you, only in a country with a concept of a starting time do we find lateness a problem. Or do we?

Clearly not all do. A colleague of mine was recently 20 minutes late for a meeting and then left 50 minutes early. It was a two hour meeting. Missed 58% of it. Not apparently bothered.

My church has a strange start time. It's 1015. I asked about this and was told it was moved because at 1000 everyone was always five minutes late. Guess what? Lots of people are still five minutes late. We could chase the start time to tomorrow morning and it would make no difference.

Although I penalise the late not the punctual, so I try to start things on time, there are a number of meetings here where there are simply not enough people present at the advertised start time to begin. Or the point of a discussion has to be explained several times in the first ten minutes.

If someone important to events or meetings is regularly late they steal time off those who were ready on time. The laid-back are cool about being late; the punctual become stressed. Should I become more laid back? I thought I was but constant late starts and constant over-runnings to compensate are taking their toll. Should I become more ruthless? Should I move to Africa?

I'm not sure I want answers, I am allergic to critters, but I feel better having got that out. Good morning.

Sentences

A few years back someone wrote out word for word what Ronald Reagan had actually said in an unrehearsed speech which many had thought outstanding. It was gibberish. Many great orators, speaking off-the-cuff, use curtailed phrases, non-grammatical repetition and other unintentional linguistic devices to keep the emotional grip. But when you write it out it is nonsense.

I wrote the following down the other day. I understood it completely at the time yet realised it made no sense. What do you think?

Well ... it's the presence of the outsider ... you do two years and you move on a bit ... my sole job you know was to shape, everyone had a turn to get in there as it were, yeah, yeah, it's the facilitative role, it needs more flexibility.

Try writing out a few word-for-words this week. It's fun. It's interesting. It's rarely as good in writing as it sounded live.

I Am

I am enjoying Karen Armstong's The Case for God immensely. She is a theologian who writes well.

One thing I discovered today is the Hebrew expression, 'They went where they went' as a response to the question, 'Where did they go?' You would give this answer if you didn't know where they had gone.

So what does that tell us about the answer, 'I am who I am' to the question, 'Who are you?' This is a great thought to ponder for those of us thinking about Exodus 3&4 in preparation for a parish weekend soon.

Memory Verse

Last night the preacher gave us a memory verse. It was Romans 5:5b:

God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us

I find it hard to commit to memory. I am good at remembering things so it probably is hard to remember. Why? Well just a thought but it is one of those sentences where the word order can change without losing meaning. You can jumble up the nouns and it still works. So:

The Holy Spirit has poured out God into our hearts by his love he has given us

God has given his Spirit into our hearts by his love he has poured out

God has given his love to us by his Spirit in our hearts

Love has given us hearts, poured out with the Holy Spirit for God

Now none of these really rock theologically but that isn't my point. The verse wasn't given to a bunch of theologians, or even students of theology, but a congregation which included eleven year olds.

I don't imagine love as a pourable substance, or my heart as a thing needing to be filled, or the Holy Spirit as the pouring mechanism. The metaphor is lost on me. If I reach for the memory verse some words come but not sense. Not easily.

Here's a plea. If you are going to use memory verses, for God's sake make them memorable.

Values

Bill Hybels wrote a book called Holy Discontent. It was one of those books I shouldn't have bothered to buy. Having heard an explanation of the title I totally got it and reading more didn't help.

His point was that personal vision always arises out of being dissatisfied. You've got to find the effort involved in change less demanding than the effort involved in tolerating the thing that needs changing. On a small scale it is why I can cope with undecorated rooms for longer than my wife. On a large it is why most churches never really go from big to very big. Big church's buildings are usually pretty comfortable places. Who'd want to cram more people in so some have to stand?

I was dreaming last night and a guy was sitting with me at a table and he asked me what my personal values were. I gave him my first two:

1. I'm liberal.
2. I'm open and straight with people.

To clarify (which I didn't do in the dream), I believe in giving people as much freedom as I believe God gives me and prefer life with fewer rules.

I believe confidentiality should be assumed not to exist unless requested. I try to give honest and unambiguous answers to questions. Exaggeration, secrets, silence, diplomacy, tact and spin are the understudies of lies.

Thing is, I was woken from this not unpleasant dream by the woman next to me asking if I thought her finger was infected (yes, I did) and I couldn't get back to sleep. Can anyone do that? What would I have said third?

So I reckoned a useful thing to do today would be to write down some more personal values. It's been a tough think. Because of the next one, I don't have many.

3. I believe in the value of intuition.

Often I simply know what to do without knowing how I know. In the past I have struggled to follow this up by 'showing my working.' I like arguments because they help me get there.

4. Let go and let God.

In the context of a conversation about everything with everybody all the time I find it best not to be rushing in to fix everything that isn't perfect. Or to get back to the beginning, wait for the holy discontent to get there.

Church Of England Newspaper September 2009

I wrote this column, my last for CEN, but for reasons I don't fully understand it wasn't published. So have it for free MSS fans.

Web-watching was given a couple of months off over the summer for time-wasting surfing/detailed research (your call). So?

Opinion is divided about social networking. On the one hand sites such as Facebook and Twitter allow distant relationships to continue, interest groups to share news and little chunks of virtual inter-action to light up dull days. On the other, organisations are beginning to ban their employees from accessing these sites during the day because they are time-consuming. I have a number of friends who criticise my use of social media yet, surprisingly, are enlivened by the bits of human concern and news I share from time to time which I have thus gleaned. One friend has kept a huge group aware of the recovery progress of his wife through a huge cancer operation. Posting once a day has been a lot easier than communicating with three hundred individuals.

How do you choose between sites? There are applications that now enable you to update your 'status' (what you tell the world you are doing/thinking) on more than one site at once. Tweetdeck is one such, and free.

Sometimes you get the impression that you have wandered into a world of alternative language on the internet. Plings, for instance, doesn't sound like it should be anything. Mind you, neither did tweets or blogs ten years ago. It is a site that '...helps people discover trusted information about places to go and things to do for young people. This information can be accessed through different websites, social networking and mobile tools and local authority portals.'

Ning is a place to go to create your own social network or join an existing one around a particular profession, skill or interest.

An absorbing exercise would be to google any word that sounds like it comes from a Goon show. Someone will probably have made it a social network. Ying tong iddle I po. Stick that in your search engine and click it.

Tim Davies is, '...an independent consultant and researcher from the UK, writing about young people's participation, social media and social change.' He promotes the '...effective use of social technology in participation and work with young people.' He knows what he is talking about, both at the cutting edge and in interpreting what he finds academically.

As politics moves, apparently inevitably, towards a general election and change of government there are few sites that offer much more than platitudes. John Prescott is a massive tweeter. If you want an example of not giving up then find him blogging at Go Fourth. It's dedicated to securing a fourth term for New Labour. You may find David Cameron's blog interesting – someone has high-jacked it. Visit before it gets closed down. An eclectic bunch of people contribute to the lively debate at The New Statesman.

I get confused (the sentence could end there but stick with me) when I read on one day that coffee causes cancer and on the next that it stops heart disease, or something similar. Shared cups at communion – good or bad? The NHS Choices site has a good article about how to read the newspaper headlines.

I don't plug many shopping sites but Mydeco, a fashion and design hub, has a nifty piece of freeware to enable you to design your own room in 3D.

Useful for church administration is Moo. Here you can customise your own business cards, postcards and other publicity, or choose from a range of off-the-shelf products.

A Google application that can be used well by larger staff teams working from separate locations is Google Calendar. It enables individuals to access each other's diaries on-line.

For those about to travel, Digihitch collects stories, tips and advice about hitch-hiking, back-packing and budget travel. Paste the URL into whatever portable device you are taking with you. Closer to home, Liftshare is a site where you can find someone travelling your way and share the journey.

Previous columns archived on my blog.

Doubting and the Baptist

In asking for ideas for writing about John the Baptist yesterday I didn't explain that I was preparing Bible study notes for 11-14 year olds. So a massive theme of doubt, as requested by some of my Facebook friends and Twitter followers, may be a bit too complex. But it was a brilliant thought. We preach certainty far too often. It's not there in the Bible as often as we think it is.

The Old Testament prophecy of a voice in the wilderness (Isaiah) and a new Elijah (Malachi) had lain dormant for four centuries. Was the Lord going to do something? People surely doubted.

John's Father Zechariah met an angel in the temple. 'You will have a son.' He doubted and was struck dumb.

The baby is born to Elizabeth in old age. How do the people greet the news? Questions, alarm and astonishment. Or doubt, to put it another way.

Some years later John starts preaching in the wilderness. He baptises Jesus and there is some heavenly vocal work with special effects to authenticate the Son. Later, in prison, John sends a message with his disciples to Jesus, 'Are you the one, or is someone else coming?' Doubt you see. Even in the face of apparently overwhelming evidence. The John who John's Gospel (a different John) told us was certain was unsure all the time.

Later Herod is tricked by his lover's daughter into having John killed. He seems to doubt the wisdom of this. But he cannot back down from a public promise. So John dies. Randomly. Cruelly.

Can we be sure of the authenticity of all these tales? Can we, who haven't seen, have the faith of those who had but still doubted?

Acting as if something is true, without proof. That's faith. If there was no doubt there would be no faith.

Malcolm Tucker Appreciation Society

'I'd use the carrot and stick approach. Take the carrot and shove it up his ass, followed by the stick, followed by a knobblier carrot...'

Loving The Thick of It.

When to Stop

Less is more. As one who is beginning to embrace minimalism, this is my mantra. It works in so many areas of life. I have spoken to a number of artists who have ruined good pictures with one further brush stroke. Shop windows have too many goods on display (in Japan a big shoe shop may have a single pair in the window). Parish ministry requires fewer interventions than you imagine. Priests can over-rate their self-importance.

One technique which would be much blessed by less is speaking. Not just shorter talks, although I am writing this during quite a long talk of which more later, but conversation.

How many times have I been engaged in a chat with someone who has responded to a point, then made another, then changed the subject then told a related story until it is almost impossible to get back to the thing you were interested in discussing in the first place. Hi Mum, by the way. I recently had a colleague who had the capacity to make an interesting story so dull through excessive length that only some hours later did I realise I had been amused.

Now to this long talk. There is a peculiar sensation one feels when listening to a speaker who does not know how to bring their presentation to an end. It is like watching the driver of a car with failed brakes working out that they are going to have to use a hedgerow to bring their pride and joy to a halt. That driver will always consider that there may be an easier stopping place round the next bend; this speaker is constantly convinced that the next story, the fifth since suggesting all was finished, will be a softer landing. Notes have been placed, closed on the table. We have got to questions. One more dab of paint for perfection. Damn.

Note to speakers. Write the end first. Write the end of the end first of all. That is what you wanted to talk about. Say nothing, nothing at all, after that. It is the presentation skills equivalent of checking your brakes.

Krakatoa and the Alabama 3

A sign behind the bar at Bristol Academy warns that those looking under 21 will be required to produce identification. That's all the bar staff then, or is it that I'm getting real old now?

Anyway Krakatoa will have to find their i.d. for sure. Five lads from London with a swaggering, staggeringly confident attitude. Lead single modelled on Liam Gallagher, staring aggressively at the crowd during instrumental breaks. Guitarist playing chopped bar chords using his thumb as a bridge and walking erect like Wilko Johnson.

We tick off the influences - Beatles, Oasis, Stone Roses, Hard-Fi, The Coral, Dr Feelgood of course - and wonder if these guys are going to be big. They are certainly tight. The all-white male band, Fred Perry polo-shirt look, Remembrance Sunday dedication - we wonder if this is a band who have appeared on charges for racism. We can't make out enough of the lyrics to tell their views. But we know the Alabamas are famously anti-racist and wouldn't have Krakatoa on their bill if they meant trouble. So we are judging by appearances too. Suckers us.

Anyway the Alabama 3. If you haven't been keeping up here's a potted history. There's more than three of them and they're not from the States. They wrote the theme tune to the Sopranos 'Woke up this Morning' which, according to their web site 'earned someone a swimming pool but it wasn't us.' It appeared on their first album back in 1997. They are touring a new album which isn't ready yet. They are famously mashed and audiences regularly mellow. They don't sing their songs; they perform. Audiences will sweat.

Following a short DJ set from The Mountain of Love (the name given to their harp blower and onstage analog fascist and sequencer controller), along with a generous array of new tunes, they gave us several from that first album and one or two from all the others. Larry and D. Wayne have an onstage duel of witticisms a couple of which are coherent, there's lots of pointing at soloists and a bit of choreography during Hypo Full of Love (this may be a drugs reference ladies and gentlemen). Keyboard player The Spirit blond, waif-like and entering the stage in a fur coat and bowler hat tips up his organ from time to time but never really becomes Keith Emerson. Mrs T has accompanied me previously and sent a message, 'Tell me if he's still alive.'

They are a blend of country, acid-house, gospel, hip-hop and something I don't rightly recognise D. Wayne but I'll be on my knees repenting at the first Presleytarian Church of Elvis the divine as soon as I get it. I allow myself to laugh inwardly as we sing the anthem 'Let's Go Back to Church.' Then everyone else gets the chance (if only they knew) to laugh at me singing that the devil has the best tunes.

This band makes me laugh (at myself mainly), makes me dance and is not meant to be a serious spiritual proposition. It's an act. Fantastic evening.

Thick Skinned

Those of us who have a public profile, however slim, have to be used to taking flak from time to time. I went to a training session recently where it was suggested that clergy have to deal with this especially. I didn't agree. Anyone who has been a shop assistant, bank clerk or waiter to name but three will have experienced being in the front-line of crap catching on a daily basis. Those clergy who have never had a public service job may find themselves less able to deal with this than others. If you wear a uniform you will be an object to others, rather than a person, representing an organisation with which they want to get cross. Or even a God with whom they don't quite see eye to eye.

I can't imagine how bad it is to be in a position where, due to the nature of our oppositional politics, you will get crap whatever. You make a generally good point and 90% of the time will then focus on the 10% of your argument that wasn't quite there.

You take you time making a decision - you're a ditherer.

You make snap judgements - you're too hasty.

And if you're Prime Minister you don't represent anyone. The buck absolutely stops on your desk.

My skin is thick. OK all of me is. Can't imagine how thick it would have to be to step up to the next rank. Pray for our politicians this Remembrance Weekend. None of them, none of them, send armed forces personnel into danger without due thought.

Drugs Advice

Today Shavings welcomes drugs expert and government advisor Arthur Rizla-Paper who will answer your letters and emails on drugs and government policy. Let's take some questions:

From Edith Wideyed of Dorset
I seem to be having difficulty sleeping although I haven't changed my routine at all. Have I somehow become intolerant of the three cups of espresso I drink after supper?

Arthur Rizla-Paper writes
Yes Edith, caffeine is a dangerous drug and should be banned.

From Fred Tumblerful of the second bench from the left, Town Park, no fixed town
My earnings have gone down considerably since I left the bank under a cloud last year and my health is suffering. Is it anything to do with this, damn almost empty, bottle of Scotch in my pocket?

Arthur Rizla-Paper writes
Yes Fred, alcohol is a dangerous drug and should be banned. I hope you find yourself sleeping under this advice column before it's too late.

From Elsie Yellowfingers of Belfast
I have this terrible, persistent cough and a tremor in my left hand. How can I light my cigarettes?

Arthur Rizla-Paper writes
Oh dear; nicotine is a dangerous drug and cigarettes should be banned. Sadly you can still buy them at supermarkets although I note the dangerous Turkey Twizzlers have been removed from shelves.

From Ben Jerry in Dundee
I have eaten chocolate chip ice-cream for breakfast since I was three years old. Has this had something to do with my incredible sensitivity to the cold? Is ice-cream a dangerous drug which should be banned?

Arthur Rizla-Paper writes
No Ben. I imagine that anyone daft enough to eat ice-cream for breakfast is also too stupid to wear a coat in a Scottish winter.

From Mr Spliff Bong of Whocaresman
Hey this is a cool column. Wanna drag?

Arthur Rizla-Paper writes
Yeah baby let's blow a stick. Oh damn, I can't, it's banned.

From Mr Nutt of the dole queue
As a former government consultant on drugs matters I'd like to congratulate you on your sanguine advice. Do you think you are campaigning against government policy?

Arthur Rizla-Paper writes
Who's campaigning? I'm just answering questions. Hang on, the phones ringing...

Well as Mr Rizla-Paper wanders off to get the phone we imagine he'll be tied up for a while so we'll close it there. Thanks very much Arthur and good luck in whatever career you opt for next.

With acknowledgement to the late Miles Kington, who did this sort of thing rather well from time to time.

Preaching on Sin

Any questions posed in this post do not necessarily represent the views of the author.

There's a discussion going on at Facebook's Hermeneutics Cafe. It concerns the nature of our preaching about sin. On the back page of last week's Church Times Bishop Spong said:

'Christian theology has been based on bad anthropology. The cultural image of what constitutes the Christian religion is the primary reason the Christian Church is declining throughout the developed world. Human beings are not fallen, lost, victimised by original sin, or needing to be saved, as we have for so long taught. Human life was never perfect, and thus could never be fallen. We have always been evolving into what we can be, and the Christ life and Christ message is to empower us to become deeply and fully human.'

I know a lot of you will disagree with this, or at minimum find it inadequate, but I wonder if I can restrict comments to this question: Can we continue to call ourselves a religion of the Book if we hold Spong's point of view? If we do we would have to say something like this about various texts:

The metaphor of the Garden of Eden is simply placing human potential against human reality in the context of a story.

Jesus' understanding that he came to seek and save the lost (Luke 15 inter alia) is now to be reunderstood as a discovery rather than a relocation. Or maybe we weren't actually lost, we knew where we were, but we are now somewhere better.

It is quite head-spinning but I think it's worth the effort to at least try to be biblical and post-modern.

Father Ted

Very much enjoyed Mike's take on women priests as seen from Craggy Island. Read it here.

Advent

Really great Advent calendar for £5 plus £2 postage from Beyondchurch at Brighton. It uses beach huts as the doors and has images of a great Advent event from last year on the reverse. And it helps my friend Martin's business and ministry I shouldn't wonder. All the cool people will have one.

This year the event is repeating. Every day of Advent they will use a different beach hut to display something of significance. Real things. Real doors. Mulled wine and mince pies. Brilliant.

Haunting Verse

Deuteronomy 6:10-12 was mentioned in passing in a sermon last night and it has niggled me again.

When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

Not forgetting God. Good idea. Main point. I buy it. But. There are some verses where you take your shoes and socks off because they are holy ground. But this one. Do you see the problem? Let's try a paraphrase to help:

Remember God promised you land one day? Well he's been scouting around and he's found some. It belongs to someone else but don't let that worry you. Move into their cities and kick them out. Move into their houses and take their property. Then, when you sit back and eat the olives and drink the wine of those people, who by the way you are to slaughter by and large, don't forget who found the estate agent.

Taking the land of others is so wrong, now that most borders are fixed, that it takes us a while to jump back to a time when indigenous peoples were still working out who had a right to what. Right up to the late eighteenth century the attitude of the strong around the world, was that they could take whatever they could get. The Brits were just about the last Empire to do that. Indeed we had control of Palestine for the first half of the twentieth century. We repent now. If we try to make our green and pleasant land a welcoming place for strangers with generosity to asylum seekers it is only redressing the balance. Hope we continue to.

But that this act of violence towards the Canaanites - Palestinians if you like - is enshrined in Scripture as an act approved by God. Did he? Or did Joshua and the gang do it and assume it had God's blessing afterwards because they won. The winners write a lot of history.

Over the next three millennia most world powers and empires had a go at Palestine. Since 1947 the State of Israel has been allowed to exist in international law but, as we all know, it is not accepted by all in the Arab world and Deuteronomy 6:10-12 smells horrid without contextualisation. It does not condone kicking other people out of their land as a principle. It says that whatever military victory you achieve, whatever your circumstances, do not forget your maker. And if you remember your maker you might just want to apologise to the family you threw into the garden in order to sleep on their beds. Or am I missing something?