Fascinated to read of the new technology that has produced another all-in-one swimsuit which will cut records by the dozen this season. It takes up to 40 minutes to get it on and is so uncomfortable (say the users) that every swimmer who completes a race wearing one has it half off before they leave the pool. Crushed nuts anybody?
Maybe the secret of the record breaking is to make a cossie so uncomfortable that everyone goes fast to cut down the length of time for which it is being worn. Inside-out barbed-wire speedos anyone?
Which reminds me of the joke about the cross-channel swimmer who completed the Dover to Calais swim in three days and five hours but managed the return in 47 minutes. He got his trunks caught on the pier railings.