Overheard

Sometimes mobile phone conversations are so intrusive aren't they? Other people's I mean. You don't want to engage with them but the combination of the speaker using 5 decibels more than necessary and the absence of 50% of the words (excluding, for the moment, those whose conversations are more mono than dia logue) just makes you stop and listen. Take this from the other day on a train:

Hello Dennis, it's Colin.

You called me.

Well we told them to take a truck not a rig.

No I know it won't fit, we told them it wouldn't fit.

They'll have to carry the stuff down the drive.

How steep?

Can we get some lads over there to help them?

Well could they take the fork lift with them?


It had me trying hard not to laugh as I inserted Dennis' reply in the gaps:

Hello Dennis, it's Colin.

Hi Colin how are you?

You called me.

Yes the delivery people have got a 32 ton Volvo artic stuck in a pensioner's driveway.

Well we told them to take a truck not a rig.

They thought it would fit.

No I know it won't fit, we told them it wouldn't fit.

Well what will I tell them to do now they've run over the customer and left him dead in the drive?

They'll have to carry the stuff down the drive.

No, about the body, idiot? It's going to ruin our insurance premium if we have a fatality.

How steep?

Thousands mate, thousands.

Can we get some lads over there to help them?

What and lose the body? He wasn't a small man you know. Must weigh 20 stone minimum.

Well could they take the fork lift with them?


I thought that was a definite improvement on whatever Dennis was actually saying. This is a new party game right?