Belt up. No all of you. This is going to be one hell of a ride. You won't make it. You can't hack it. You haven't got the staying power. Straps on.
Let's start with services. If it's the principal service and communion we need a gospel. If it's the second service and not communion we only use the first two but not Baruch because that's apocryphal. As there are two baptisms then A can hold a candle for one family and B another for the other. C can lead from the first hymn to the Peace. We need someone to preach at a communion for six on the 14th (The Rev X invites you to a communion at St Hiddenaways on the 14th - 6.31 for 6.30 bring a bottle) - it shouldn't take much preparation.
During this item we discuss the new by-pass, the destruction of the trout farm, druidic sacrifices, new old people's homes (not to be confused with traditional hospital maternity units - old new people's homes) and the building of a Tesco Metro. Back at the services item (which I believe is item 1 but I may have missed something) we are reminded about seasonal doo dahs which many of the inexperienced miss and someone with an ear, nose, throat and something else infection 'There's a lot of it about' all repeat 'There's a LOT of it about' which suggests we have segued into ill people could this be item 2, please tell me it's item 2 before I turn into Michael Bywater and in summary meetings here are butterfly central. Sometimes we scare a few of them into the air at once and then talk them round and down. My kingdom for an agenda.
Like a bolt from the blue the words, 'I don't want to go into a discusion but just think there's something to take away on this one,' hit me. I love that sentence. It's a lovely gambit designed to make a controversial point without hearing the rest of the arguments. I don't want to go into a discussion but our church should close.
We were still on services but had simply got distracted by the sick. We learn that the new Common Worship seasonal material can be downloaded from the Church of England web-site which is better than paying Amazon £20 or the Church £30.
We break into an item of general feedback. News from Chapter. Come to Evening Prayer on Wednesdays. The population of Clevedon is 40,000 (I confess I asked the question). Here are some things you 'don't know' nudge nudge wink wink.
As those of you with email addresses should know the heater timer is kaput and the heating needs to be switched on at the white switch which looks like a light switch between the dial and the two blower thingies in the clergy vestry.
'The Council for Ministry was very interesting' is not something I ever recall hearing before in 22 years of ordained life.
'Is anyone going to the Agora (I think) meetings?'
I did hear John Humphrys talking to religious leaders.
Every ten years each Israeli man and woman has to do nine months in the army for the whole of their life. I am learning so much stuff here but have no idea why.
They contribute to the arms trade in W. The swine.
Anyone got anything else they want to talk about?
Are we doing people?
Would you like a quick rattle through people?
We list more sick people.
We pass round sheets of paper and a stapler to join them together, read the contents and then a discussion breaks out for 30 minutes or so of importance and interest and I wanted it to go on and it might be the trigger to changing the church and then it stops and we go home.
Should I click on 'publish?' Please help me decide.