Most of the weddings I do these days are for friends, family or church members and they tend to pass off without a hitch. The slight awkwardness today of Mike the sound man's car being broken into and the reception mixing desk and radio mics being half-inched in broad daylight in Leicester Street (cheek or what?) didn't spoil a nice service on a lovely sunny day for Patrick and Lucy. Congratulations.
But the addition of petty theft to the order of the day made me recall something I wrote fifteen years ago when a friend of mine conducted a society wedding mentioned in the Daily Telgraph. At that time I was on the staff of St Mary and St Cuthbert, Chester-le-Street, a north-east ex-mining town, and doing four or five weddings on a Saturday when I was on duty. Honest wedding notices in the society pages may (possibly) have looked like this:
Mr J. Ratarsed and Miss S. Slagg
The marriage took place on Saturday 3rd June at Chester-le-thingy Parish Church between Mr John Ratarsed, only eligible son of Mr and Mrs Ron Ratarsed (if you don't count the other four, and God who would, I mean have you seen them or what?) of Lumley Pit Cottages and Miss Sharon Slagg, last bairn to get hitched up of Mr Fred Slagg and Mrs Gladys Tart, also of Lumley Pit Cottages. The Rev Steve Tilley just had time for a quick sandwich and a jimmy after his previous three weddings.
The bride, who was given in marriage by her stepfather, Mr Ron Grunge, was attended by Miss Tracy Slagg. Mr Mick 'Flick' Knife was Best Man. The reception was held in the Lambton Arms, and afterwards in the Queens Head, the Black Horse, the Lambton Worm, the Barley Mow and along Front Street to the Cantonese.
The bride will honeymon at Washington Post House; the groom in Ward 7 of Durham Dryburn Hospital.