Father's Day

My boys competed hard in the 'Favourite son' competition which they run. I never judge it but they decide betwen them who won. Yesterday was close.

Jon timed the telephone call from New Zealand perfectly for 9.15 a.m. just before I left the house to wish me well.

Ben turned up at 2.00p.m. with four bottles of Abbot Ale and the worst card he could find because, 'It was a better challenge than trying to find a nice one.' He then stayed for lunch and watched a dull football match with me, not minding that I fell asleep on the sofa next to him.

Close call. I love my boys. Anyway, because it was the only bit of the sermon worth remembering, here are yesterday's Rules we would have stressed to our children if we had thought more carefully:

DON'T
...bring it home just because you found it on your paper-round
...put cheese toasties in the video-cassette recorder
...put your brother's head through the window
...treat hand-washing as merely a symbolic act
...play football in the lounge
...see if the cooker's hot with your finger
...borrow clothes without asking
...use talcum powder to recreate a snow effect
...attempt haircuts
...stick the heads back on garden flowers with sellotape
...go to the toilet out of the window
...steal my money to buy my birthday present
...stand behind your brother when he's lifting the up-and-over garage door
...stand behind your brother when he's practicing his golf swing
...stand behind your brother
...throw stones at the window to wake your parents when you've forgotten your key
...steal Council litter bins