Post Cafe Blues

Another grand night at the Cafe which so many made possible. Thanks to everyone, but extreme thanks to Jon Potts for making the PA work after a few glitches and to Ross for stepping into a gap at eight hours notice and playing a song from each of the last five decades.

It was a great night but the real fun didn't start until everyone had gone. As is usual I sent everyone home and just took 15 minutes in the quiet to check everything had been left as it should. This was just after midnight. Ringing in my ears was Matt's helpful comment that he had saved me time by checking and locking the far end of the church (offices, vestry, PA Room etc). Cheers Matt. Then it dawned on me, as I tried the locked door to my office, that I had left my church keys safely in my desk drawer. Also my phone and my house keys. And I had sent Liz home early as she looked tired.

Tried to phone home but the only phone in the building not locked away was one that couldn't be used for an outside line. The payphone still had my helpful notice on it saying 'phone not working' (see 'Belgian students' and August sometime).

What to do? Think. Think (at 12.30 a.m. not easy). Leave church and wake Liz and the neighbourhood by banging on the front door? Leave church alarmed but only lightly locked? Surely you can break into a church once you're already in it.

Yes you can. Go to back stairs and obtain ladder. Carry ladder through to church and use it to access the north gallery. Pray that police don't call by as imaginary conversation with police officers very disturbing. 'If you are who you say you are sir and that is your photo in the hall how come it says you only work Sunday - Wednesday and this is Friday and you have a ladder over the parapet of the gallery into the church offices?' Put that out of your mind.

Climb over the parapet and access the office suite that way. Find keys and unlock your way back to the bottom of the ladder locking again behind you (and turning off the office light Matt). Return ladder. Turn off heating. Set alarm. Lock up.

Walk home relieved to have achieved all that. Open front door with own keys and find wife sitting on sofa watching Children in Need. Decide to thank God for who she (Liz not God) is rather than take other option of becoming widower.