Thursday, September 08, 2005

Nuts

Many years ago, on an aeroplane, I read the instructions on the packet of complementary nuts. They were:

1. Open packet

2. Eat nuts

This product may contain nuts

And I have held that as the most wonderful example of silliness ever since. Even sillier than the famous instructions on a new mop. I genuinely have a copy of this:

Before use soak head in hot water

But today, as it is a day off, I found myself absent-mindedly reading the instructions and warnings on the label of a one litre container of semi-skimmed milk:

Allergy advice; contains milk

As Liz said, the word MILK in large print on the front label was not clue enough. Someone, might be wandering Tescos seeking a one litre container of semi-skimmed milk that does not contain milk. Reading the small print before their purchase they are, once again, foiled. 'Damn, this milk contains milk' they cry. 'Is everyone trying to harm me?'

So, thought for the day. Read the instructions, especially the small print. It guarantees entertainment.

2 comments:

Stewart said...

I've seen an identical warning on a bag of nuts, and what I particularly loved about it was their inclusion in the text of the word 'may' - as though there was a reasonable possibility that your bag of nuts might actually be totally devoid of any nut content whatsoever.

On the back of bottles of 'Toilet Duck' there is a line of text that simply reads "Questions? Advice? Call us free." They don't specify whether this is a service solely dedicated to toilet cleaning issues, so I am thinking of calling them to ask if they can help me sort out my pension.

Caroline said...

I remember a sign at the gate of an office block said "Vehicle Emerging" ... very clear

except that if a vehicle WAS emerging you wouldn't be able to see the sign

sigh