Received a special offer from Lloyds Bank today. I can be 'rewarded' by taking advantage of nine separate items I can purchase up to three each of for £7.99 a pot. Have replied to the Chief Executive of LLoyds:
Debit card-issuer rewards
Thank you for being my bank for the last 32 years. In honour of this devoted service I would like to give you a unique opportunity to take advantage of one of the following rewards:
A signed manuscript of the author’s short-story ‘A Day at the Cemetery’ broadcast by the BBC.
An original poem about customer service to include any five words of your choosing.
A hard-copy personal organiser. Completely blank for your own customisation. Requires one HB pencil. Entries can be erased. Eraser not supplied.
The novel Dangerous Parking by Stuart Browne (deceased)
The 1999 Good Hotel Guide (used)
Picnic wine-container with two glasses (non breakable), corkscrew and two napkins
One Paul Gerard upright piano (please arrange your own collection)
Insult a day (a tear-off pad with one insult for every day of the year)
Hand-painted, porcelain no-smoking sign (fixings not provided)
Please contact me to arrange to accept this offer. Only one of each item available but you may take advantage of as many of the items as you wish. Simply credit my long-suffering debit card with £19.99 for each item (£219.99 for the piano I’m afraid), or make an appropriate donation to charity and frame this in your office.
82 Leicester Street
xxxxxxxx but so much more than just a number