Fashionably Late

There was a documentary on the television a few years back. It was a focus on a family with a lot of new money. They were surrounded by people who could take it off them with such ploys as convincing them their daughter needed hypnotherapy and their dog grooming advice. Or was it the other way round?

One of the people who helped them feng shui their living room to stop all the creative energy leaving was dressed entirely in white with heavy silver, or more likely white gold, jewellery. This included a thick cable-knit sweater in summer. The presenter asked him if he was hot and got the answer, as I recall:

'I'm dressed for fashion not comfort, darling.'

Now there are some points at which this might be necessary. If your job is fronting an indie band you might wear your signature look parka even under studio lights. And, of course, catwalks are full of models dressing for other life situations. Summer collections are launched in winter.

I have some skin in the game because a family member worked in the industry and I occasionally get free advice.

It has left me regularly reading, rather than breezing through, the fashion pages of the Saturday Guardian and, especially, the FT weekend's How To Spend It magazine. In that sentence 'It' is as large a sum as you can possibly imagine, aimed at the sort of people who have a fridge dedicated to a particular type of preserved olive you can only buy if you know a Greek monk.

The Guardian is somewhat more down to earth and can be useful to people with limited budgets who care. My oldest male friends can all look away now, there's nothing for you here.

Jess Cartner-Morley has been the Guardian's fashion correspondent for over twenty years. In autumn 2024 headlines in her weekend column started to catch my eye and I wondered what life would be like if someone took her advice week by week. A lot of it is clearly for women but not all. I followed it for a year.

Holiday vibe: trousers not pictured

The first week I got going I learned 'With brat summer long gone, demure is the vibe of the season.' Reserved, modest and shy didn't quite fit with the atmosphere the column had previously generated, or that I ever tried for, so I was intrigued.

The next week the United States Democrat VP candidate was the centre of attention. Not my idea of demure but 'Why the Tim Walz style barn coat gets my vote' was the headline. (It looked like a Barbour to me.)

At this point the weekly advice started to demand money ... big hair, grandma heels and striped shirts were all, apparently, back. The striped shirts were not to have City Boy energy, just yet. But by the spring ‘Consider embracing the ‘lunch is for wimps’ energy of a banker shirt’ was the maxim.

And this threw us into parties. I once went to a dinner party in Dorridge where every woman around the table, about eight of them, had a new lacy dress on. I felt like I had come to an audition for Jools Holland's new backing singers rather than a meal. It wasn't that they were all dressed exactly the same but that they were all fashionable. They'd all read the same magazines and shopped with the same budget.

My head returned there after reading JCM's party advice to 'Wear lace this party season. It is an act of celebration - and defiance.' This was followed shortly by the 'Festive fashion formula? Make it all about the party skirt' which didn't last beyond Christmas when we learned '...the party jean - the answer to your New Year's Eve prayers.'

It occurs to me that having enough storage to keep all my clothes would have allowed me to bring out the ones that popped back into popular culture every now and again. Apart from those 1970s stack heels, of course. I can still remember my Dad's laughter.

Shortly (ahem) before last Christmas I noted 'The return of the miniskirt has been happening gradually and I'm into it.'

Agreed. Carry on. Then:

'...a leopard print coat gives you big cat energy on the streets.'

Possibly. And:

'Keep your trousers on! Find your perfect pair and they'll work with everything.'

This is good advice. I always get looks when I forget my trousers. But it looks dangerously like wearing a garment twice in a row.

What about next year? Glad you asked. '2025 - wear clothes that will make you feel intrepid.' Demure didn't last that long then. Put it back in the loft with the lacy dresses and party skirts.

Now, I hope you're still paying attention because this next bit is complicated, 'Forget dressing to impress others - try mirroring them instead.' Followed by this shocker, 'Secondhand ... Sometimes ... looks far better.' Take your coat to Oxfam and replace it with something less catty and more intrepid. Next season you're also going to learn that ‘If you look like you found your jewellery on a bric-a-brac stall, then you are doing it right.’ Two birds.

'The return of grown-up trousers means belts are back.' If you've been wearing your perfect trousers without a belt since December 14th no wonder they fell down. Console yourself with the news that they probably weren't grown-up enough. With your all-adulty trousers you'll need a 'Little Boxy jacket.' I don't know either.

March began with a good question. 'What to do with all the clothes you don't even wear.' I'm thinking the answer is going back to the charity sector or Vinted but maybe stop buying clothes for a bit. No, that can't be it.

Also '...the age of tight, restrictive gym wear is over.' Thank the Lord. Everything was getting crushed down there. '...subtle updates to your outfits can kickstart spring.' So my gym wear can only be slightly less clingy eh?

Stage wear

By March I also learned to prepare my outfits for the week ahead and thus feel invincible. The bedroom is a bit of a mess now.

‘Fallen into wearing the same old work outfits? It’s time to up your game.’

Admit it. It's going to cost.

‘The key to the perfect handbag? Road-testing it in the wild.’

Hello John Lewis. Can I borrow a handbag for a few hours with a vie to possible purchase?

‘Want to look posh on a budget? It’s all about the right colours.’ I needed more specific advice here and a week later ‘…butter yellow is the colour to be seen in this summer.’ Will that give me a ‘Boom boom vibe … gold watches, big hair, short skirts, sexy dancing and fur – real or fake’? Because I needed that seven days later.

Here's an easier one. 'Want a style update? Pull your socks up.' No Steve, not those socks. It means you need better ones that are meant to be longer.

‘Ask yourself: when will I wear this?’ Six months in and I realise some people need to be helped to ask a question most ordinary people ask all the time. Having given yourself a good talking to it's back to the shops for ‘… the slightly geezerish leather blouson … the look to be seen around town in.’

Holidays? ‘Travel trousers: the gateway drug to smart comfy dressing.’ Don't know about you but I always travel in trousers. Non-restrictive, grown up trousers with a belt, obviously. Although two weeks later I learn it’s the traveller in sleek, muted neutrals who stands out, in 2025 the waistcoat is for everyone and a straw basket is the essence of summer.

Cue airport stares at your ironed jeans and waistcoat as you gently cradle flowers.

Wedding guest

Talking of money, here are 67 wardrobe updates for the summer which should include being able to '... rock fabulous flats.’ They won't last long though because ‘…September is an ideal time to update your look.’ And chuck out the muted neutrals and the butter yellow because 'This autumn, wear any shade – just as long as it’s white.’

Your coat now needs to be long, whatever animal print it is ‘When you’re picking your coat for this winter, take a long view.’

‘Pay your own tribute to Armani by perfecting his signature relaxed style.’ Being dead has never been called a style before. While you're pondering that, iron your jeans again as you'll discover ‘Smart, straight, stiff – how to style your jeans this season.’

It all seems utterly confusing. Which is, of course, the point. I can't believe fashion editors get no free invitations to events put on by people who want to sell clothes more often than I want to buy them. They have to make me feel I'm out of touch. One issue of HTSI will help you understand the fashion budgets of the people featured. I like a well-dressed occasion. I love a smartly tuned out town or city even more. How to achieve it? Try this from 8th November with which my year concludes ‘…check what’s already in your wardrobe.’

You'll thank me. I've included some images of my signature look.