Monday, May 21, 2018

The English Revolution

Wrote this last week. I was waiting in the car having arrived early for an appointment. A sample from the Disposable Heroes 'Television' came on BBC 6 Music and I mistakenly started humming 'The Revolution Will not be Televised'. In fact that is a Gil Scott-Heron tune. But somehow it got me thinking that in this day and age the revolution, indeed any revolution, probably will be televised and thus this:

The English Revolution 

The Revolution will be televised 
The Revolution will be live-streamed and podcast
The Revolution should be bookmarked - visit 
The Revolution will be reported 
The Revolution will be commented upon and analysed 
The Revolution in pictures will be on pages 3-17 
The Revolution will be written up and sold back to you in 24 weekly instalments
(buy issue 1 get issue 2 absolutely free)
The Revolution is now available in paperback but eventually
The Revolution will be discounted on Amazon

How was the Revolution for you? 
The Revolution will be seeking feedback
Could you hear?
Were you warm enough?
Did you spend any money on the T-shirt?
If we did another revolution would a different day of the week be more convenient?
Would you like a revolution in your area?
Please state preferred method of dictator overthrow or tyrant assassination
Can you think of other people in your locality who might enjoy a revolution?

The Revolution fails to understand that the English public do not require permission to give feedback:

Dear Sir,

I hope that no tax-payers money was spent on the Revolution. I will not condone this until my green bin is consistently emptied on the correct day

Dear Editor,

I was appalled and shocked to discover that the Revolution was delivered with so little publicity. I was unable to participate due to a long-planned visit from my in-laws. Please would you make sure that more notice is given for the next one.

Yours faithfully

The Revolution will be delivered by properly-trained individuals
The Revolution will be high vis and EU compliant
The Revolution will use up-to-date energy-saving technology and is now going on stand-by
The Revolution will be an equal opportunities malevolent force
The Revolution will be seeking membership from under-represented communities
The Revolution currently needs applicants for whom Revolution is a second-language
The Revolution will not use your data without your express consent

The Revolution will be harmonised and institutionalised
The Revolution will be cost effective
The Revolution will be using SMART goals

The Revolution will be fat free and low cal
Gluten free revolutions will also be available
Once opened the Revolution should be stored in a cool, dry place and used within three days
The Revolution must not be diluted under any circumstances
The Revolution may contain nuts

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