Sunday, January 01, 2017

Football Quiz of the Year 2016

An annual institution, not so much a quiz as a set of observations about the inadequacy of football punditry at all but the highest level. I resolve to pay less attention during Football on Five in future and, additionally, to mute the theme music. Attempt all questions:

1a. 'There was only one place that was going to end up.' Help this commentator by listing several places, other than the goal, star strikers have left the ball ending up.

1b. 'FA Cup 2nd round - it doesn't get any bigger than this.' Can you help the Halifax Chairman think bigger?'

2a. 'Sometimes in the Championship it's always going to happen.'

'January signings sometimes don't always work out.'

How certain was Adam Virgo of these particular eventualities?

2b. Likewise George Riley with 'Rarely a dull moment always applies to Leeds'.

3. Comment on the curse of the manager of the month award with special reference to the principle of regression to the mean. Name any pundit who would grasp this?

4. 'The light at the end of the tunnel is very strong but it is not gathering momentum.' Guess Phil Brown's physics GCSE result.

5. How many inches away must a defender be for an attacking header to be described as 'free'?

6. 'It's an audacity chip.' Can you spell the word Adam Virgo was reaching for?

7. Discuss West Bromwich Albion's ability to nurture psychologically well-balanced forwards with special reference to:

Peter Odemwingie

Nicolas Anelka

Saido Berahino

8a. 'He wants an end product on the end of things.' Where else might Michael Gray place that?

8b. Likewise, ''They are struggling for goals in front of goal.' Can you help Adam Virgo, identify other places this struggle might take place?

9. 'The robins are roaring once again.' (Football on 5 commentary) Should commentators on Bristol City brush up on their animal noises?

10. 'We've been knocking on the door and today we opened it.' Which side of the door was Justin Edinburgh?

Many thanks to the goal-line technology department for finally removing all questions about parallax from the paper.