My family have a terrible joke competition each Christmas. I expect to win as usual.
Under what tree do the shepherds sheer their sheep?
You clipped us.
What do you call an insect that doesn't know the words of songs.
When Charles Dickens put the expression 'Christmas - humbug' on the lips of Ebeneezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol he wasn't inventing a phrase but using the slang of his day. It meant something like 'a deception'.
Today we use it to describe a person who is not going to be drawn into something everyone else is doing.
Jokes yes, but bah humbug to Christmas jumpers, say I. Can't stand the perishing things. However...
You can donate to Save the Children's Christmas Jumper Day appeal without wearing a daft pullover. You can cough up for men's health in months other than November and without growing a terrible 'tache. You can help Motor Neuron Disease charities without jumping in a bucket of ice.
So I'm not saying bah humbug to you. Let's keep the fun in fundraising. But do try and allow people to be generous in any way they wish. Remember you can love your neighbour as yourself - your neighbour in Aleppo, Yemen or on the streets of Bristol - all year round.
It's great that there are so many events that raise awareness - it sometimes seems like every day is a special day for some charity or other. Just let's remember to keep our awareness raised when the fun is passed.
Although, talking of special months, in which month are you in most danger of amputation?
That would be Dismember.
I'll get my coat.