Where do you think one might find the most uncomfortable pews in the land? There are surely many fine contenders for what would be an award if I could be bothered with a prize. I have endured many of them. Great Alne in Warwickshire sticks in my memory. Nearby Christ Church, Nailsea's pews were designed for people with a shorter distance between hip and thigh. But on Monday I attended an induction at St Andrew's, Clevedon and was required to robe and sit in the choir stalls.
The first thing I did, on sitting down and leaning back, was to smash the back of my head on a sticky-out bit of wood. My taller colleague next to me was not so afflicted and therefore chuckled. Scott Smith - you have been warned.
But after a few minutes the short distance between hip and thigh problem occurred coincident with a knobbly protrusion sticking into the base of my spine and doing its work.
I spent the whole service sliding down, yelping, levering up and smacking my head - in turn. It was particularly nasty to have people sing 'Brother sister let me serve you' during some of this.