Big Blogger

BB: Good morning St.

St: Wow. You don't normally announce yourself like that. You usually creep up behind the photocopier and surprise me.

BB: You don't have a photocopier.

St: It was a metaphor.

BB: I've been meaning to have a word with you about that.

St: What?

BB: Hiding behind metaphors. Anyway there is no point in creeping up on you if you are expecting me. Guests don't normally climb in through the window.

St: I was expecting you?

BB: You know you were. You have something to say and this is the way you choose to say it from time to time.

St: OK.

(Beat)

St: Oh I get it. This is where you get me to say it by staring?

BB: Who said that was staring?

(Beat)

(Beat)

St: It doesn't work when I wait does it?

(Beat)

St: No. So I have this feeling that something I said yesterday in jest is something I actually mean.

BB: Don't you normally mean what you say?

St: I fear I always do, but a little laugh at the end of the sentence is designed to put doubt in people's minds.

BB: We all do that (chuckles).

St: Well I said, disguised as a joke, 'Everybody else is stupid except me' but I am going through a period where I genuinely think that. Then last night I had this dream...

BB: Now you're really on my territory. Go on...

St: Some people approached me as I was parking my car. A dysfunctional family where all the adults were female and there were feral kids everywhere. They suspected I was lost, which I was, and asked if I wanted help. As they asked me apparently side-tracking questions I kept putting my hand on my wallet. They had a rug which they put on the roof of the car while we chatted. When they left I offered to re-fold the rug for them but it wasn't kindness; it was to check out it wasn't my rug as I own a similar one.

Later me and Mrs T found ourselves at their house for a meal. I was worried it would have meat and veggie Mrs T would have to turn down their hospitality but it was a delicious, simple meal with potatoes and eggs. All the time I felt threatened and uncomfortable.

(Beat)

Trust issues I think.

BB: May I summarise?

St: (Leaps back in amazement) You don't do that. This is where you walk off slowly and leave me to discover what this conversation was all about.

BB: And you like that?

St: No, no I hate it. Who wouldn't rather have absolute clarity of guidance from the other side.

BB: OK. Well brace yourself and just this once then...

(Beat)

(Beat)

BB: You do have trust issues but that doesn't mean everyone else isn't stupid.

St: I need to trust the stupid. How do I do that?

BB: Remember, a summary isn't a solution.

St: I still need to apply it?

(Beat)

St: (To no-one in particular) I thought he'd go at that point.

Big Blogger is St's imaginary friend who turns up and gives him a hard time occasionally.