Rev

Last night on BBC 2 saw the first episode of this sitcom.

The beginning of a new comedy series is often about character establishment. Tom Hollander, as the Rev'd Adam Smallbone, is the fish out of water as a country vicar transported into the inner city. His sinister archdeacon, riding around London in taxis and dropping his clergy off when he has finished talking with them, wherever they are, urges him when money is needed to fix a stained-glass window, to find 'an inner-city solution to an inner-city problem.'

It is an intelligent comedy. No canned laughter helps you along. It makes good points (people do start attending church if a church school offers the best bet for the kids). Apparently Hollander was quite moved by some of the stories from clergy he heard in researching the programme which he co-wrote.

I've yet to see a portrayal of a vicar as leader rather than pastor. But it isn't, thank goodness gas, gaiters or Dibley.

Worth another week. Apparently an evangelical turns up in episode two. I'm a bit scared.

Footie Post 2

Just a bit more on the England v Germany game and continuing the theme of 'details.' You see I have now looked at the match stats. Anyone shown the stats and asked to guess the score would be horribly wrong.

Possession
Germany 43%
England 57%

Territory
Germany 45%
England 55%

Shots (on target)
Germany 13 (6)
England 13 (7)

Passing Accuracy
Germany 79%
England 78%

Fouls
Germany 7
England 6

Corners
Germany 4
England 6

This does not suggest the England performance of dreadful second best in all departments which most people think they saw.

This article from the excellent (but nerdy) Zonal Marking website explains why the game was lost in tactical ability and not on-the-ball skill. Thanks to Andy B for sharing it.

World Cup Thoughts

Yeah it's a footie post so go away and come back later if it doesn't rock your world.

Respect to a great German team for their win over England yesterday. I thought they looked good and played without fear. I don't think they are a substantially more skillful team than England. The stats of the match will be skewed by the fact that most teams 4-1 down with 15 minutes to go will tend to give up. We did. For 75 minutes we had territory, possession and chances.

This brings me to what I want to talk about. The mind. Ruud Gullitt famously said that in the modern age football matches will come down to details. Two evenly balanced sides will be separated by one mistake or one piece of skill. How did a nation such as Algeria get a draw against England? They had little ambition and made no mistakes. How did the less capable (on paper) United States get a point off England? We made one horrendous mistake.

English sports teams seem curiously susceptible to the detail of the mental collapse. What caused two highly competent defenders to allow a long goal-kick to cause chaos? They would have dealt with that 99 times out of 100, maybe 999 times out of 1,000. I don't know, but what you have to do once it has happened is put it out of your mind and play on. It seems to me that while the defence were still holding a mental inquest into how Klose could have scored as he did the Germans carved a way through for a pretty good second goal.

Then something happened and we woke up. In a period of ten minutes we had a perfectly good attack (with a header that hit the bar) stopped for a non-existent offside. We scored. We had the referee, no less, break up a promising move from which the Germans broke upfield and we had a great goal unnoticed by the officials. This could get to your head, if you allowed it to.

The half-time talk pretty much takes care of itself. It's only the referee who is keeping you down here. Go out and play sensibly, be patient and chances will come (as they did).

Playing well in the second half Lampard hit the bar with a fine free kick and another was blocked by a hand from which the Germans broke upfield and scored.

Don't get me wrong. No excuses. We weren't good enough. the Germans took their chances clinically. But we weren't as hopeless in all departments as some would seem to be saying. Two lots of woodwork and a disallowed goal gets us to 4-4 if details are changed slightly. I just think we lacked the mental toughness to believe we could do it, despite the pre-match hype. And we lacked the concentration to put mistakes (our own and those of the officials) out of our heads.

I don't think we need an inquest into football at all levels. Maybe a mid season break and a smaller Premiership but nothing too dramatic. It's only a game.

Holiday and Holiday Reading

So we had a family holiday. Here are me and my boys and their girls on top of Victoria Citadel, Gozo a couple of weeks ago.

I know some of you wait with bated breath for my holiday reading list and it will be along in a moment but I just wanted to say that we had such a good time with the six of us that my first week's reading was a bit light. This was a good thing. Hadn't had the whole family away for over ten years so there was some trepidation on my part about how we'd all get on. Answer, brilliantly. Great fun, very relaxing and no awkward moments apart from a cockroach called Senor Alan at the nicest restaurant on the Maltese islands which decided to climb both my boys during the course of a meal and was eventually, spectacularly and unceremoniously, squashed by hero Jon and the body kicked away out of sight with a deft improvised right foot. Footie skills I reckon. I don't recall how we knew it was called Alan.

For those who don't know my lot then left to right we have Ben, Jon's girlfriend Carys, Ben's girlfriend Rachel, me and Jon.

If you saw the Tweet post about the end of my favourite shorts then those are they on their final outing.

The scores in brackets are simply a measure of how much, out of 10, I enjoyed the book. They are not a comparison of quality writing. I read:

Christopher Brookmyre: Pandaemonium (6/10)
The usual level of black comedy, crime and gore once again showing his skill at understanding the mind of the teenager. Very light, very funny, appalling language.

Bateman: I Predict a Riot (8/10)
You wouldn't believe the trouble a Belfast dating agency could kick off with a few interesting introductions. Bateman's character creations are riotous and his skill is in putting very unlikely people together on the same page. He must use the hat system (ask me if you need to).

Nick Hornby: Juliet, Naked (7/10)
Back, I suggest, to what he does best. A romantic comedy about a music obsessive, with a twist. Very good.

David Mitchell: Cloud Atlas (9/10)
Astonishing. Although I need to tell you that Mrs M hated it and couldn't complete. Several over-lapping stories over a huge stretch of time demonstrating how our world is joined up. The breadth of the knowledge, research and imagination blew me away. But you will need to be happy to live patiently with open ends until he returns and resolves them, one by one. Best book I have read this last twelve months.

Howard Jacobson: The Act of Love (7/10)
The slightly erotic musings of a man who wonders if he loves his partner enough to let her, and watch her, commit adultery. Asks good questions about relationships by pushing extremes. Not for everyone.

Edward St Aubyn: Mother's Milk (6/10)
A family revisited on holiday every year for four years as they take stock of their lives, their relationships and their hopes. A young boy offers a depth of comment that asks the reader to wonder how much children understand of what is going on. Well written prose but more a narrative than a story.

Douglas Coupland: J Pod (7/10)
Probably the best Coupland I have read. A bunch of nerdy game designers and their dysfunctional families have a big adventure. One or two nerdy exercises to keep the geeks happy as they read. Can you spot an upper case O replacing a number 0 hidden in twenty pages of digits? Do you want to?

Energy Levels

I was once sitting on a sofa with my friend Tim preparing to be interviewed for a video about youth work. I have always been excited about youth work but it so happened that on a summer afternoon, in a hot studio we were both a little weary. Tim pitched the first question in quite a sleepy voice and I mimicked him when replying. It went downhill from there until Paul the director cut it and said we had to watch out for our energy levels. It was great advice.

Second take Tim roused himself to a bit of excitement about the subject and I trumped that. We had an animated conversation.

I guess I learned that lesson but didn't really begin to apply it elsewhere until recently when I noticed, in an interview, how the interviewees mimicked the energy levels of the questioner. At an interview we want our candidates to be excited about their subject but we make it hard for them if we're not.

My thought for the day, if you like, is to watch and listen for how the first person to speak in a meeting or conversation sets not only the tone and content but also the energy. Only if you are really aware can you respond to a low-energy introduction with a high-energy contribution.

And of course, if you are leading off a meeting and you want your participants to be energized then take a charisma boost in the corridor outside. Turn the dial up to 11.

When we speak, our actual words are probably less than 50% of our communication. The rest is about body language, pace, energy, expression, eye-contact and sheer chutzpah.

Time to get excited?

Random Things said to Clergy

At a clergy gathering on Monday. Dressed fairly normally - blue clerical shirt, black trousers, Converse, shades (it was sunny) and a shoulder bag. Hailed by passer by:

That's what I like to see; a mod vic.

Same day I received a leaflet from my local pub telling me I was now entitled to a special, over-55s small-portion lunch.

The C of E. Where ancient is mod.

Crossword Clues

1. Water, Propylene Glycol, PEG-40 Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Disodium Lauroamphodiacetate, Parfum, Sodium Chloride, Limonene, Polyamiopropyl Biguanide, Linalool, Citric Acid, Citral, Geraniol.

-E--E--I--/-O-E- (10/5)

2. Glucose Syrup, Vegetable Fat, Hydrogenated, Lactose Stabiliser E340, Milk Protein, anti-cacking Agent E341, emulsifiers E471, E472c, colour E160a.

--EA-E- (7)

I've given you the vowels. They both come in sachets.

Bog Blogger

Good evening Mr and Mrs Mustard. We hope this finds you fit and well and your regular trick of scheduled posting during holidays will have meant you avoided burglary and are not leaving your readers with the idea you are still alive when your demise in a plane accident two weeks, or two hours, ago has been widely reported.

We have plenty for you to do if you are really back but enjoy a final Sunday off.

Love,

BB

Lost Quotes 8

'Just because I'm a Christian and I'm trying to articulate a Christian world view doesn't mean I've got it nailed. I'm contributing to the discussion. God has spoken, and the rest is commentary, right?'

(Malachi O'Doherty - The Guardian)

Lightbulb Joke 3

I was trying to remember what the original lightbulb joke was, back in the 1980s. I think it was:

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb must want to change very much.

Do we agree?

Lost Quotes 7

'If you follow Jesus and you don't end up dead, it appears you have some explaining to do.'
(Terry Eagleton: Reason, Faith and Doubt)

Lost Quotes 6

'If you get your heart right, you will want your body to be right, too. We can't purify the well by repainting the bucket.'
(Gypsy Smith)

Lost Quotes 5

Our civilisation is '...creating adults who don't know what to do with delay, discomfort, discouragement and disillusionment. '
(Ronald Hutchcraft)

Why Do I? 3

Stir my coffee with a tea spoon.

Why Do I? 2

Go for a walk up in the Downs?

Why Do I?

Sit in stands or on standing committees?

Lightbulb Joke 2

How many radical feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the bulb and two to discuss the passive nature of the socket.

Lightbulb Joke

How many Freudian psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis whoops I mean ladder.

Lost Quotes 4

'...the nocebo effect, where negative expectations can induce unpleasant symptoms, in the absence of a physical cause.'
(Ben Goldacre - the Guardian - 28/11/09)

Lost Quotes 3

'My first girlfriend's father was Professor of Morbid Anatomy and Experimental Pathology at Birmingham University. If he ever got interested in any of your physical attributes it was best to run.'

(Me, and it's true)

Lost Quotes 2

'...if you go out for dinner by yourself and discover you don't like the company, you really are in trouble.'

(Jay Rayner, The Observer 31/1/10)

Lost Quotes

That time of year when we catch up with interesting things people have said that didn't really find a home in any piece of writing I was doing. First up, Marina Hyde in The Guardian 29/1/10:

'...there is only so much fat in the celebrity universe, which can be neither created nor destroyed. It can merely be transferred from one star to another...'

Show Your Working

One of the questions that throws me more than it throws most people is, 'Give examples?' or 'Such as?'

As an intuitive character I find that I just know quite a lot of things but don't know how I know. Once I learn something I don't remember the working. It makes me a poor teacher of practical skills. It is also funny that I can come across quite specific about practical things because I am showing my preference (this is how I do it) without stressing that there are probably several other ways a task can be done. I was chatting to an old friend, also ordained, the other day and we both remarked how we had not intended to train our colleagues to preside at communion exactly the way we do it but had noticed that that had been the outcome. Sorry.

I am reminded of the worst accountant I ever worked with who, on being asked if we were in the black or red (a simple enough question) would say 'maroon' and walk off. There are some occupations where intuitive isn't that good and specific is great.

'This is how to set the room out for the meeting,' I will say. 'Why is it important for it to be that way?' asks my apprentice or trainee and I have to remember. Always have the audience face the dullest wall. Have the entrance doors at the back. Don't make it possible for guests to look out of the window while you're speaking. Incidentally, Trendlewoodians, that means there is a right answer to the way we should face when we meet on a Sunday. But then the screen would be wrong.

Sometimes, as an exercise, I try to track back my daydreams and see how one thought led to another. Often in conversation with people who are equally afflicted I will have to ask, 'How did we get here?' We need to show our working to remind ourselves of the journey.

And intuitives can also be catastrophically wrong. At my ministerial review yesterday I discovered I had answered one of the questions with the complete opposite of the truth, purely by misunderstanding one word of the question. It asked me to talk about structures; I had talked about rules. Only by answering the difficult 'Why do you say that?' question was I able to unravel the reason for the mismatch between what I had said and the truth.

So if you are likely to say 'This is how...' remember to qualify. It is not the only way.

Sometimes you find that checking through your working trips you up too. You do things the way they have always been done but the situation has changed. So you could change too.

Mick's Bag

It was a real mixed bag of a day yesterday. Sometimes I find it hard to balance my emotions when the sadness of a rampant gunman in Cumbria happens at the same time, almost exactly, that a good friend is telling me the news that a hospital scan revealed all was well, ending a nervous wait.

In addition I spent a pleasant and helpful ninety minutes reviewing my own ministry with a member of the Bishop's Staff whilst trying not to get too angry that a superb candidate for the ministry has been virtually ignored for almost four months.

I find I have to hold tight to the view that God is at work in our world in a so-much-bigger way than we can possibly imagine.

Diocesan Central

At a recent Chapter meeting I wrote down a quote by a guest speaker from Head Office, as it were:

'Some people in the Diocese may feel that they are a bit far from Wells and might be overlooked.'

It was identified as something that might be a bad thing. It got me pondering that I could think of nothing better than being in a parish a Diocesan office might largely ignore. Here we are, the other side of the Mendips from Wells, a place the railways don't reach, and far nearer Bristol Cathedral (8 miles) than Wells (23). People identify with Bristol as a place to work, shop, eat and do leisure things.

It is lovely to be an outpost of Bath and Wells. I hope nobody wants to know too much about what we do. We are effective but of course that is because we are mainly illegal, in Anglican terms. Forms of service, robes, office-saying - all treated laxly. We pay our share, generously. The Diocese don't have to leave us alone, we like them to care, but we love the absence of meddling. Am I evil?