Friday, December 11, 2009

Christmas Shopping for Women's Clothes

I'm not one of them but there are a lot of them around. Men, that is, in women's clothing shops, looking very lost right now. Wrong place; wrong time. Like chickens at a fox wedding.

They don't want help - that would send them scuttling to the door - but they have no clue either. They have no idea if she is a 34d or a 36c, can't remember if she is 12 or 14 (then buy a 12, dummy) and have no idea about leg length or shoe size whatsoever. Men buying clothes for women is a complex business. It can't be done in a vacuum. You have to pay attention the whole year, notice what items are being touched and admired. A whole year? Why yes son. You have to go shopping with her.

You can give an honest answer to the question 'Does this look good?' You can. But only if you are prepared, when it doesn't, to invest the necessary hours in helping find the thing that does. By the way, the question, 'Does my bum look big in this?' It doesn't happen. Most women know that either:

a) Their bum looks big in everything.
b) It doesn't.

If they chance to ask you they think the answer should be b). If it isn't then go for, 'You can do better than that' as an answer. It's a comment on the clothes not the bum size.

So, lost men in clothes shops. Give your partner a voucher for however much you intend to spend and offer to spend the time with her helping select the garments. During this expedition you will buy lunch somewhere of her choice. And keep your promise before February.

Or go up to an assistant and tell her that your wife is the most beautiful, dark-haired, size 14 olive-skinned woman they could possibly imagine (if she is - you know you can change some of those words right?) and she needs to select an appropriate gift. You won't do this. Hunter gatherers don't take advice. But it would work. Especially if you put the assistant's name on the gift receipt.

Next year, accompany your partner on a shopping trip as the winter collections are rolled out. That will be early September. And pay attention.


Ali said...

Ah yes, this reminds me of another great FatherTed moment...

As an aside, if JoW is coming to Paris and Brussels on tour with the Ulstermen, we leave on Thursday

St said...

On his way.