We play a little game at this time of year, her and me. Sitting on the sofa watching commercial TV there is a point available for the first person to correctly identify a perfume advert. You have to shout 'fragrance' to win the point. Point off for a miscall. Don't listen to any of that rubbish about women being less competitive than men; I was in the kitchen making the supper the other day and heard the word 'fragrance' shouted from the lounge.
This is not quite as easy as it sounds. At first I constantly misidentified a hair products ad and more recently keep getting thrown by one for a particular vodka mixer (save the advert - only tonic works and not diet tonic).
There are other things I'm tempted to shout. When Dervla (and she does have a sexy voice I admit) says '...this is not just food' in her light porn com for M&S I want to shout out that it is. It's just food and it didn't do much better than any of the other supermarkets in a blind tasting reported in the Guardian on Monday.
And as for the hint that the true spirit of Christmas is epitomised by an Argos delivery. I want to cry that the true spirit of Christmas is epitomised by poverty, a census and the slaying of the first born - nothing personal Ben, looking forward to seeing you later.
For my sister the true spirit of Christmas is to get out of the country as far away as possible come Boxing Day. For my second born snowboarding in South Korea cuts the mustard.
So don't be fooled by hollow traditions. Don't even be fooled when the wise David Winter on thought for the day says the Christmas story is a mystery - this is theological speak for 'It's pretty damn deep and we don't know if it really happened.'
So have your self a merry little oh please sorry got carried away. Do what you do and do it sensibly. For everything else there's Mastercard - and don't get me started on them. First up against the wall.
Maybe we should shout 'con' when the adverts come on. We'd not need to have a competition. We'd simply shout it in unison every time. Good morning.