Friday, October 05, 2007


If you absolutely gotta eat a slug how would you do it? Whole and down in one? Yukk. You'd taste it and the memory would stay for ever. It may well ruin your eating life for all time. How about accompanied by other things you like? Slug and chips anybody, or slug and pesto? If you've not tasted slug before (and lets face it even blackbirds leave them on the side of the plate so those critters can't be that tasty) how do you know the taste won't overwhelm the finest of flavours? You don't. You would never wanna taste pesto again. It's so, well, green.

Here's the deal. If you absolutely gotta (I'll avoid segueing into Samuel L. Jackson's speech on the merits of the AK47 in Jackie Brown, it may upset some readers) eat that sucker then you want it in less than bite-sized chunks. Thin sliced? No thinner. One molecule at a time would be about right.

So what are your slugs? Hey, it was a metaphor all along, you can relax. What jobs are facing you that are so tasteless, so ugly, so damn sluglike that you haven't been able to face them? Carve 'em up friends.

Can't face the filing tray? Put away every piece of paper that needs filing from now on, as it needs doing, avoiding the filing tray and every time you do so put one other piece away from the tray. Bite sized chunks see.

'Plan parish weekend.' Too big to start? Car-headlight job and you the rabbit? Break it down. Make your list longer and the jobs smaller. 'Phone conference centre and book, or confirm booking.' You could do that today. It's only a molecule thick.

Now my trouble, at the moment, is that I didn't eat enough slug in August and so it is providing rather more of my diet than I'm comfortable with. So take this advice from a real failure. Chop up that slug and do it now. And mind your fingers in the dicer.


learnerpriest said...

1) "Salami tactics, gentlemen", as my old history teacher used to say - one thin slice at a time.

2) If you can't get out of it, get into it.

3) Do as I say, not as I do.

Andy said...

Nice...i'm struggling to get a grip on my PhD (engaging faith communities in Youth Justice)...i'm going to print out 'remember the slugs' and pn it to my wall.

Nice to know that there is at least one other 'failure' out there...

Custard. said...

I'd prefer adding large quantities of chilli and mixing it in with other stuff in the hope that I wouldn't notice it.

I guess that comes to the same thing.