Colour Me Beautiful

A number of people of my acquaintance have been 'done' by CMB and now, quite religiously, walk around with little booklets (swashes, swathes, swatches, yeah swatches) telling them what colours they may purchase and wear based on the seasons of the year and their skin colour.

One such addict has dragged me out the front of church and told me off for wearing predominantly black because it 'cuts you in half.' Ignoring the obvious point that black is cool and all other colours aren't so if you want to look good in a hurry wear black, and the slightly less obvious point that cutting me in half is on many people's things-to-do list, I have searched for what is mumbo-jumbo about this. And I will now announce it.

If a particular shade makes your skin colour look bad then not only should you not wear it but you should not stand next to it either. I shouldn't wear yellow ever because it make Mrs T look jaundiced. Actually I look rubbish in yellow too so it is a bad example. Fudge. That's my problem. For some reason if I wear fudge colours I look sickly. So I don't. Since walking around avoiding a particular colour backdrop is impossible there is not much to be gained by attempting it.

The fashion industry nominates colours for the forthcoming season and the early adopters change and gradually all those who care build up those colours in their wardrobes and audiences at public events move seamlesly through the colours. White and cream being 'in' todays wedding (congrats to Hannah and Richard) was very white and cream. Those who don't care tend to wear clothes the colour of which is so washed out or sun-bleached that they don't cause a problem. Eccentric uncles who always wear red and green stripes are a pain but we tend to underlook them.

So. You are not matched with a season but your skin colour may be the result of your genetic background. If green doesn't suit you and makes you look ill avoid green and avoid green people and don't let your partner wear green. Likewise your close friends if you have any influence. Otherwise enjoy yourself. I'm trying to think of any of my close, male friends who care about this. Struggling.

One other thing. If you want people to remember you, always wear the same clothes.

One final thing. If a particular politican looks bad in a particular colour a wonderful piece of sabbotage would be to walk around with a that-coloured backdrop wherever they are going. Thank you.