Sauce

It seems an appropriately difficult philosophical, indeed bordering on the theological, question for Maundy Thursday which is, after all, almost entirely about food. This conundrum has long bothered me and I'd like to hail colleague and youth worker Mark for the solution, provided yesterday at a brunch meeting (we only ever meet over food - it gives us something to do if we get bored by each other).

The question? Ah yes the question. Sorry I digressed and I must remember the first paragraph is a bit early to do that, too much Ronnie Corbett as a child I reckon. The question is. No. You don't catch me that easily. There is an underlying assumption made here which I will have to explain first.

All rational human beings have to agree, or be forever damned, that the correct colour sauce to accompany a bacon sandwich is red and a sausage sandwich, brown. If you don't accept this then please leave now there's nothing for you here, go back to Virginia Water or perhaps Italy and enjoy your bacon and sausage pannini with quink and asparagus humus. This has nothing to do with the colour of the bread or how organic it is. Course it doesn't. You knew that.

So, what colour sauce do you have on a bacon and sausage sandwich? Take a moment to think please, no hasty judgements.

Both? That was my suggestion but it was deservedly laughed out of court.

No the answer is this, and I believe I can do no better than quote:

'The bacon takes primacy over the sausage and so the answer has to be red.'

Hail Mark. The king of dogmatic dilemmas. The bacon (the less processed and therefore purer meat) takes primacy over the sausage. Genius. I believe I can state categorically and without fear of disagreement that the youth of Nailsea are safe in his hands.

After this the question and answer session with the young people of Backwell School was child's play only covering, as it did, the creation of the devil, homosexuality, the literal truth of the Bible and the fate of believers in other religions. Throughout the grilling (get it?) I could only lean (get it?) on, 'The bacon takes primacy over the sausage...' Magnificent. Nothing else matters.