Catching up on the News

There's a sort of advanced version of sod' s law in operation today in that, having been particularly disappointed at the quality of radio, TV and the newspapers whilst on holiday last week, today's lunchtime catch-up with the last four days papers left me still stuck in the Saturday Guardian after 30 minutes by the sheer quality of the things on offer.

A review of a book called The Universe: A Biography by John Gribbin (Allen Lane £20) introduces a theory of the end of the universe called 'the big splatt' - 'tastic. Put on birthday booklist.

I also note Norman Mailer's new novel on the nature of evil, the review of which sent my imagination tumbling through ideas about how to communicate satan to a church and dare I mention Gilbert and George's controversial work which I think was called Piss Christ and I now understand was more profound than I thought and dare I write all the words yes I do.

And tumbling over into the weekend magazine I find this paragraph which Mathew Norman wrote in praise of the service at a restaurant: 'So absolute is their commitment to perfect service that mastery of the Heimlich manoeuvre would be the least medical requirement they'd demand of their staff. You'd probably have to wait 20 minutes for the sommelier to do you a hip replacement, but then you have to wait 25 minutes for the wild mushroom risotto.'

Not to mention the fact that during all this someone phones and tells me that I must listen to Ross Noble on listen again from last Thursday but I must not plan to do anything else whilst listening because I will almost certainly wet myself.

So remember; the contents of newspapers vary in proportion to the amount of time you have available to read them.

Back to work.