Saturday, May 06, 2006

Plastic Jesus on Wheels

I must sort out my camera-software so I can deal with the intrigue visually. Meantime my power of description is the only thing with which I am armed.

Son Jon, touring the southern hemisphere (go here for latest), does a nice line in post-modern semi-ironic birthday presents. When he was a broke student (not quite the same as the sort of broke he is now) he would buy me something that made me laugh for not very much money. By the way Jon phoned us this morning from Coffs Creek - what a great name. Looks cool.

As a sort of evangelical sort of Christian sort of, I have not, in the past, gone in for icons, candles etc and, although I am changing in this respect, catholic kitsch is the very last thing I would ever knowingly own. I used to try and bring the worst thing I could back from the Christian Resources Exhibition which has in the past included a brochure for Christians in Carpets (the best place for them?) a mug from a Christian insurance company and seaside rock with Baptist Union of Great Britain through the middle. This is a challenge to which I am certain, Cartoon Dave will rise.

So the gift last year (from Jon, do keep up) was a four inch tall, plastic, action-figure Jesus. He has pale skin, a black beard and long black flowing locks. He wears a white cassock (pope-lite) over which is draped (wait for it) a purple robe over one shoulder only. His perfect toes are placed on purple sandals, to save using another colour paint perhaps.

His arms are the only part that bend. They hinge at the shoulder and elbow. Various placings of the arms means you can imagine him saying:

'Oy Peter, get here, I've found fish.'

'Bless you my children.'

'Did you spill my pint?'

'There's no way St's retaining the cell-group gents ten pin bowling trophy this year.'

'BA571 taxi to here and then cut power.'

'I've only gone and broken my bloody wrist.'

Well I can anyway.

He is on four small wheels so he can glide towards you (won't go round corners though) and the information on the base places the responsibility firmly at the door of a firm called Accoutrements (c) 2001. I've had hours of fun with it and am quite prepared to give it to the person who sends me the best reason why they should have it next. No closing date.

12 comments:

Phil G said...

Hi Steve,

if you would like to see a TV advert for said Jesus Action Figure (without the wheels), then you can see it by going to the bottom of this post: enjoy!

http://holyphil.blogs.com/holyphil/2006/04/ok_i_hear_you_.html

Martin said...

You should give it to Andy Bastable. He would give it a loving home, and good company.

Rainbow dreams said...

Thank you for explaining :-) obviously he has been of great value offering hours of entertainment and would be well missed!

Stewart said...

Any chance of a photo (or a link to a photo) so we can see what we're competing for?

Caroline said...

Andy B may already have one actually, he collects such stuff...
but it might cheer him up...

St said...

No photo. If I haven't painted you a beautiful enough word picture then I should resign as an alleged writer. Will get software sorted eventually though.

Stewart said...

You have indeed painted a very beautiful word picture. I'm just concerned that the reality can't possibly measure up to the image that you have created in my mind...

And I want to get an idea for how he might look on my CD rack, next to my Captain America action figure ("with 32 points of articulation")...

Anonymous said...

Hello Steve

Enjoying reading your blog, I read it most days and I enjoy the mental exercise- not something we in the drumming community are neccesarily known for, but here's to mould breaking.

Anyway, I would like to stake a claim for the action Jesus figure. If you seend it to me, he can come with me to St Petersburg and play a gig with the London Symphony Orchestra. Photographic proof will be provided of course. How does that sound? He doesn't need a passport. But he needs to practise his triangle playing if he's going to make the cut.

Jez Wiles

St said...

It's a deal Jez. E-mail me (steve@godstuff.org.uk) your address and I'll send it to you.

Just a litle idea. How about you then pass it on to someone else who is going somewhere exotic and we record the travels of Jesus on wheels?

I'll start a Jesus-on-the-raod blog and wait for the photos to be mailed in. Am I getting over excited?

Martin said...

That reminds me of a film - where a gnome goes round the world and sends photos back to his past owner. Was a good film I think, but can't think which of hand.

Martin said...

Turns out it's Amélie, staring Audrey Tautou who is also in the Da Vinci Code.

Stewart said...

I was going to post some sarcastic comment in response to Jez's reference to "mould breaking" (sic) - but then I remembered that he's only a drummer, so I should go easy on him...