Avocado

The ripe avocado is a most confusing weapon. On impact the victim feels the shock of the blow from the hard outer shell, sequencing gently into relief as it compacts to a soft fruit cushion and finally feeling the full force of the impact of the mighty central stone. And all this in the space of a millisecond. Have no doubt. In the right hands the ripe avocado is the stealth weapon of choice.

That's it for pre-Christmas hilarity. The Mustard Seed Shavings 'best of the year' results will be published in the next few days, along with the names of those least likely to survive 2006 (much more fun than the list of who died in 2005).

Don't bother to look for seekings and ramblings tomorrow. The over-used metaphor of time will have been removed by the copy editor of destiny. 'Til St Stephen's Day then.