Thursday, November 03, 2005

Big Blogger

Morning St. Well?

Well what?

Are you well?

Fine thanks BB. Yourself?

Don't play that game. I don't exist and you know it. This is just an emotional check-up.

In that case everything is OK enough. Got over the sons leaving home stuff and trying to do a bit of taking stock. It would be a good time to move into a smaller house or flat, move on, apply for a ridiculous job that is clearly beyond me, push the barriers of writing a bit and do it full-time or just try and have a few months of the new normality. Might do all or none of the above.

New Kind of Christian?

Not that I can own up to.

Does it ever cross your mind that you could get in trouble for what you blog?

Well I try to avoid libel.

Yes but you hint at baring your soul from time to time then leave your vest on.

I don't really have a soul to speak of. Heart, guts, brains all present and correct, but I am pretty soulless if the truth be told.

Does that mean anything?

Not really. It's sort of words. Do you remember when Prince Charles got in trouble for responding to the question 'Are you in love?' with '...whatever being 'in love' means?'


I thought he was being a tosser at the time but now I get him. Still shouldn't have said it but we somehow have to conform to a standard of emotional life that means everyone can see how we function and what we are like. If people ask me how I'm feeling I make something up to keep them happy. I genuinely don't know.

So if I asked you to take your vest off.

If you insist.

Now what's there?

Tell me what you can see?

A bit of pent-up anger and the desire to hit a few people along with the wish you'd had more experience at hitting people. The desire to tell a few people you are fed up with them and the fear that they will stop liking you if you say so. The feeling that you've not really done as much with your life as you would have liked to for which there is probably a 27 syllable German word. Genuine warmth of personality that likes helping people to have happier lives. Annoyance that most people don't give life enough thought.

Wow. You can see all that?

How did I do?

Rubbish. I just want more money.

Oh I saw that; the vest was made of it.

And to play in a great band.

Put it on the things to do list and learn the difference between emotion and ambition.




Darren said...

I think we should meet outside a bar and say to one another 'I want you to hit me as hard as you can'

Nice BB update - verged on the Fight Club motif and that is fine in my book ;-)

Stewart said...

Next time people ask you how you are feeling, you should do what I do - tell them you have nothing to live for, and that you wish you were dead. Since I started giving this answer I have found that I get asked the question a lot less.

If you didn't experience pent-up anger, have the desire to hit people, and wish that you'd hit more people already, you wouldn't be human. People are stupid, and without exception deserve a good beating to knock some sense into them. Unfortunately that doesn't mean it's your job to provide that beating though. Generally speaking, it's better to go on feeling frustrated than to end up facing charges of GBH.

If you are truly fed up with people, I'm not sure why you would want them to go on liking you. If they don't like you they are unlikely to spend much time with you, so you won't have the opportunity to get fed up of them any more. Problem solved, no need to thank me.

No-one does as much with their life as they would like to. But you're a far more interesting and well-rounded person as a consequence of that.

And most people don't give life enough thought. But then most people aren't as depressed as I am, and I think about life a lot. I can't help but feel these facts are related. If not thinking about life is the mechanism that most people employ to avoid serious mental health problems, then I can only wish that I had been smart enough to join them.

Martin said...

How far through the book (a new kind of christian) are you, and what do you think of it so far?

St said...

Hi Stew. Perversely, whilst I don't know what to say when people ask me how I'm feeling, I really like being asked. It is how people in the world show they care. They don't know as much about it as you and I so they think it works. I've tried copying it. I ask people how they feel rather than simply 'How are you?' Maybe they ought to ask us, 'How do you think?' Hey Stew. How do you think?

St said...

Hi Martin. Will post on this.