Necking 3

Good morning Steve; how are you today?
Good morning Blog. You don't normally speak to me like this. Have you been watching too many Big Brother re-runs?
Ooh sorry I spoke. Gonna tell me how you are sir?
You can call me St.
Thanks. Not many people get to be given that permission. Now are you gonna tell me how you are?
Gonna?
Sorry St. Going to?
I had to go to the doctors thanks for asking. My neck didn't get better.
Is it better now?
Ish.
Ish?
Ish.
What did the Doctor say?
It was Dr Ainsworth.
OK. So he said, 'Sort your life out and stop supporting a rubbish football team and the stress-related neck problems will alleviate.'
Strangely no, although I expected him to. He stood behind me and told me to relax and let him take the weight of my head. I thought he'd be feeling for abnormalites or something.
Your head is full of abnormalities
Physical ones, cheeky.
And?
And then he jerked my head round and something went 'crack' very loud.
Did it hurt?
Actually not as much as I thought. It shocked me to blazes but the pain never came.
So you're cured?
There's more. He told me to relax again.
Not so easy second time?
Exactly. I wouldn't have relaxed a second time if the Brazilian women's beach volleyball team had turned up and offered a massage to an Eno CD.
Did it stop him?
No. He cracked it the other way and told me he'd put the bones back in alignment. Impressive. Cheaper than an osteopath too.
Then?
Then he did it two more times. He said if it didn't crack this time it meant he'd got it right.
And?
It didn't crack. But not cracking hurt a bit. My friend Gerry says this happens to him all the time and he puts his neck back himself.
How?
No idea. He's Scottish.
Fair point.
So I had a couple of days off work to keep away from the computer and to avoid getting stuck in the same posture too much and it's getting better.
Growing stronger?
Warmer and wilder, better every day - we should work together more often.
Good stuff. I'd like that.
Then...
Then?
Then I had some soft food for lunch because it hurt to swallow.
Wise.
I thought so. And I broke my tooth on a choc ice.
You need to get your freezer looked at.
It was the chocolate bit down the centre of a Galaxy choc-ice.
Which tooth?
That ugly dead one at the front.
So you're gonna get a nice new tooth?
Gonna?
Sorry. Going to.
I am indeed. On Tuesday. Meanwhile don't expect me to smile.
I never expect you to smile St. You're one of life's visual-interface deficients.
Did you make that expression up yourself?
Rather funny wasn't it?
I'm not smiling.
What truth have you learned this week?
You could be quite useful if you keep clawing me back to the point.
Thanks. So?
Well my vicar said that a lesson he learned on holiday was that sometimes if you're still alive at the end of the day that should be enough to make you grateful.
Wise man. When did he learn that?
On a three week camping holiday with his wife and five children.
I take back the wisdom thing. Is 'camping holiday' an oxymoron?
This is quite snappy dialogue. Can we sell it?
No but I'll publish this post.
Laters.
Indeed.